lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Cartoons 5

lim peh ka li kong

Received this funny cartoon from a friend, share share:
To all the married men out there, does it sound familiar?

lim peh kong wan liao
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Monday, February 23, 2009

Funny Advertisement from Malaysia

lim peh ka li kong

I saw this funny ad in this blog, share with you:

Just in case, a little bit scary if you are a 胆小鬼.



lim peh kong wan liao
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Thursday, February 19, 2009

善 恶

人为善
福虽未至
祸已远离


人为恶
祸虽未至
福已远离
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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Poor Lau Hero

lim peh ka li kong

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Lau Hero walked into the doctor's office and said, "DDDDDoc, I've bbbeen stut-stuttterrrering for Ye-yeears, and IIII'm tired of it. Ca-ca-caan yoooou hellllp me?"

The doc said, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on."

So he examined him and said, "Well I think I know what the problem is."

Lau Hero asked, "We-we-well wwwhat is it, dddoc?

The doctor replied, "Well, it's your penis, it's about a foot long and all the down pressure is putting strain on your vocal cords."

Lau Hero asked, "Wwwhaat ca-can we dddo?"

The doctor said, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one."

Lau Hero replied, "DDDDDoooo it!"

Lau Hero had the operation and three weeks later, he went back into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, you solved the problem and I don't stutter anymore, but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks. My wife doesn't like it anymore. She liked it better with my long one. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back on."

The doctor said, "NNNNoooope a ddddeal's aaa dddddeal!!!

=====

lim peh kong wan liao
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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Liar King

lim peh ka li kong

My two boys were arguing when lim peh entered the room.

Old Beng asked, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answered, "We found a ten dollar bill and had decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said Old Beng, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to Old Beng.

lim peh kong wan liao
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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

无厘头拜年 - 开估

令伯卡你讲

那天我竟然

裸露着上半身

只穿着一条短裤,

手拿着两粒红柑

向一位女士拜年!

天下最滑稽之事竟让
老明给做了。。。
开估
其实老明差不多每个星期都会去一次针灸。当天,老明刚好脱了上衣准备躺上床,那位帮我针灸的女中医师刚好走了进来,所以老明我就赤裸着上半身、拿着两粒红柑向她拜年。。。
照片只是随便从网络上贴上来,并不是老明本人,特此声明,以免别人误会我有着这么一个小小的腰。

令伯讲完了
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Monday, February 02, 2009

今天的你,开心吗?

令伯卡你讲

那夜闲来无事,顺手拿起一本查某人买的书《今天的你,开心吗?》来消磨时间,才发现原来俺很喜欢作者《何权峰》的文采。

书内有蛮多很有意思的文章,转载几个短篇与大家分享:




=====

在《宇宙光杂志》有一篇发人深省的文章。

有一位父亲存了很久的钱,终于买了一辆雪亮的新车。他非常宝贝这部车,每天都洗车打蜡,他五岁的儿子见父亲这么爱车,也非常兴奋地帮爸爸一起洗。父亲有这样一个儿子,非常满足,深觉这个儿子很体谅为父的心

有一天,这位父亲很累,虽然车子因为淋了雨而显出脏,但他实在太累了,心想,改天再洗车吧!五岁的儿子见父亲这么累,就兴冲冲地要帮爸爸洗车,父亲见他人小志气大,心里更加得意,便放手让儿子洗。

小儿子要洗车,却找不到抹布,他走进厨房,立时便想到母亲平时炒完菜洗锅子时,都是用钢刷使劲刷才刷干净的,所以既然没有抹布,就用钢刷吧!

他拿起钢刷用力地洗起车来,一遍又一遍,像刷锅子一样刷车。等他洗完之后,“哇!”他大哭失声,车子怎么都花了?这下惨了,他急忙跑去找父亲,边哭边说:“爸爸,对不起,爸爸,你来看!”

父亲疑惑地跟着儿子走到车旁,他也 “哇” 地一声:“我的车!我的车!”

这位父亲气得走进房间,他十分生气地跪在地上祷告:“上帝啊,请你告诉我,我该怎么做?那是我新买的车,一个月不到,就变成这样,我该怎么处罚我的孩子?”

他才祷告完,在他心里忽然出现一个声音:“世人都是看表面,而我却是看内心!” 突然间,他像是被点醒了。

他走出房门,儿子正害怕地流着泪,动也不敢动。父亲急忙把孩子拥在怀里,并且说:“谢谢你帮爸爸洗车,爸爸爱你,胜过那部车子。”

=====

在《吕氏春秋》有一段,讲孔子周遊列国,来到陈国与蔡国之间,因兵荒马乱,旅途困顿,三餐以野菜果腹,大家已七日没吃下一粒米饭。

有一天,颜回好不容易要到了一些白米,就下锅煮饭,饭快熟时,孔子看到颜回掀起锅盖,抓些白饭往嘴塞,孔子当时装作没看见,也不去责问。

饭煮好后,颜回就请孔子进食,孔子就假装若有所思地说:“我刚才梦到祖先来找我,我想把干净还没人吃过的米饭,先拿来祭祖先吧!”

颜回顿时慌张起来说:“不可以的,这锅饭我已先吃了一口了,不可以祭祖先了。”

孔子问:“为什么?”

颜回涨红了脸,囁嚅地说:“刚才在煮饭时,不小心掉了些染灰在锅里,一些染灰的白饭丢了可惜,只好抓起来自己先吃了,我不是故意把饭吃了。”

孔子听了,恍然大悟,对自己的观察错误,反而怀疚,抱歉地说:“我平常对颜回已经最信任,但仍然还会怀疑他,可见我们内心是最难确定稳定的,内心的自我判断,有时还会错误,弟子们大家记下这件事,要瞭解一个人,还真不容易啊!”

=====

有个中年人,平时忙于工作,没空陪他唯一的儿子,为此感到内疚。

有一天他下定决心安排好某个周六下午保持绝对的空档,买了两张大联盟赛的门票,来好好陪陪儿子。

时间到了,他和儿子快快乐乐开车出门,但很不幸地,居然碰上了大塞车!眼看球赛已经开始,他们的车还塞在半路上动弹不得,两人在车内一直抱怨。

忽然,老爸想起来:“我安排今天有空,不是就是为了要和我儿子在一起吗?现在我不是正和儿子在一起吗?那我又何必在乎那场球赛呢?”

于是他开始放下生气的情緒,和他的儿子愉快地聊了一个下午。

什么才是真正的目的?这是我们必须经常反思的。千万不要陷入情境而忘了真正的目的,那就本末倒置了。

=====

有一天,一个失恋的人在公园哭泣,这时一位哲学家走来,轻声地问他说:“你怎么啦?为何哭得如此伤心?”

失恋的人回答说:“呜。。。我好难过,为何她要离我而去?”

不料这位哲学家却哈哈大笑,并说:“你真苯!”

失恋的人便很生气地说:“你怎么这样,我失恋已经够难过了,你不安慰我就算了,你还骂我。”

哲学家回答说:“傻瓜,这根本就不用难过啊!真正该难过的是她,因为你只是失去了一个不爱你的人,而她却是失去了爱她的人。”

=====

如你也喜欢这些小故事,不妨按
这儿,阅读一些俺曾转载的小品。

令伯讲完了
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