Fart

lim peh ka li kong

People say if you can fart freely in front of another person, your relationship with him/her is far beyond just friend;

Everybody farts. That's an absolute truth, whoever you are, even celebrities fart.

Old Beng's big family usually farts quite a lot due to our preference of food - sweet potato; Sweet potato is a very healthy food but the only set back is that you will tend to fart more. At times, my 12 children can perform a symphony of Fart. (Just kidding)

From what I know, if one were to control his fart and keep it back without releasing it via the proper channel, due to whatever reason, maybe feel shy to fart infront of his friends, lovers, etc he will probably get a bad breath.

Although I encourage one to fart when there is a need but I think there are certain scenarios which are really unsuitable to fart, especially those long, loud and with a pungent smell ones.

• Climbing stairs in a row
• Having meals
• In a concealed and poorly ventilated room
• Kissing halfway
• Swimming
• Big and Serious Presentation to an Important Client

Usually if I were to let go my "German Gas" (wonder why it is called German and not other country) and cannot hide the fact that the source was from me, then I will apologise.

Human nature is such that if one is in a lift, packed with people, nobody will admit that he has just fart. Thus we will just pretend and cover our nose and look around at everybody in the lift even though we are in fact the farter. Too bad if there is only one other person with you in the lift cos there's no way you can hide and pretend.

Last week, me went to the post office to collect some registered articles. There was quite a long queue so me also queue up and wait for my turn.

Half way through I felt my stomach started to rumble. Must be the 3 pieces of sweet potato I ate that morning.

"Phuuuuut!!!" I let out a long, loud fart. Think the counter aunty also can hear my loud fart and everybody queueing in front of me all turned their heads and looked at me.

Me also reacted very quickly, me also turned my head behind to see. You know la, like that means I also not the one who fart and me also want to see who was the unlucky one behind me, ha ha ha clever leh?

Wa-piang! There was nobody standing behind me and I was the last person in the queue.

Then I heard one young teenager boy said," Ai-yo uncle, you are the one who fart la, still want to pretend what" and there was a huge uproar of laughter after that.

Me never felt so pai-seh before one and I think my whole face also turned red, so malu.

I quickly left the post office in a hurry and later got my son to collect the mail instead.

lim peh kong wan liao