lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

10 Signs The Driver Is Probably Not A Man

lim peh ka li kong

Before going into the 10 signs, please ask yourself this question: Have you ever met with a lousy driver and automatically in you mind came this assumption, "Must be a cha-bo (female) driver".

To be frank, although will 得罪女人, offend the ladies, many times when me met with a lousy driver, me will immediately, inevitably assumed that the driver is definitely a female and Bingo, 9 out of 10 times I am correct.

Not only male drivers like me assume so, some stylo-milo female drivers will also assume so if they meet with such lousy female drivers.

Me do not deny that there are some good, gooder and goodest female drivers around, maybe 1 out of 10, majorities are in fact quite kayu one la. (My cha-bo-lang also agrees that many female drivers really cannot make it one.)

My cha-bo-lang´s driving skill?

No horse run!!

I can only tell you that she thinks that her Proton is a Porsche and drives like one, fast bo? She is one hell driver - fast, faster, fastest. (Understand Monkichi is also a very fast and darling... eh I mean daring driver but only hearsay, have not any chance to be driven by her yet.)

So my point is, there are many female drivers out there driving along with us and the followings are facts so welcome to agree or argue and leave your comments.

Here we go:

10 signs you know the driver is probably not a man.

1) The car goes in and out, in and out, in and out of the parking lot, trying very hard to get a proper parking. (Be it a reverse or parellel parking).

2) Standing beside the car with a flat tyre waiting for some nice guy to help to change the tyre.

3) 5 seconds after the traffic light turns "green" and still in stationary position and only engages driving gear after the cars behind sound their honks.

4) Drving at 70 km/h or less while travelling at extreme right lane on Express Way.

5) Extremely slow cautious driver, whether driving on a straight road or a bend.

6) Driving out from a small lane into the major lane will take ages and ages and good luck if you are behind the car.

7) Dont know how to pump petrol at petrol koisks, must need the kiosk uncles to help.

8) There are many many many cutie soft toys in the car as decoration.

9) The driver is wearing a long sleeve shirt (but worn the other way round to cover the exposed area of the arms from the hot sun) and a pair of gloves.

10) While stationary at the traffic light, the distance from the car in front is as far as a car´s length or even more.

Oosh, before anyone starts throwing rotten eggs at old beng, me just stating some observed facts only.

lim peh kong wan liao

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27 Comments:

  • At Saturday, August 12, 2006 1:10:00 PM , Blogger Xorpheus said...

    Apart from riding most of the time, I do drive my sister's car. Heng ar...from your ten pointers. I conclude that i still drive like a man.Hahaha

     
  • At Saturday, August 12, 2006 1:36:00 PM , Blogger 蓝月 said...

    hhahahah...

    i cant say for all woman, but i'm not a seasoned driver, not YET!

    but, i do drive like a man when i'm in a bad mood.

    my dad kept nagging on road safety though.

     
  • At Saturday, August 12, 2006 11:39:00 PM , Blogger platformshoes said...

    eh dun say onli the kayu lady drivers do parking in, out, in , out one... i have seen men parking like that also

    usually the kayu lady drivers drive very slow on the road and when ppl honk at them, they oblivious to the noise...

     
  • At Saturday, August 12, 2006 11:39:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    That goes without saying.
    Let me adds a few points, reducing the rotten eggs being thrown at you.

    11) Start depressing the brakes far from the traffic light/cars.

    12) Never observe the rear, besides having to high-beam at her, she doesn't even bother to keep to the left lane, still continue to road-hog.

    13) Driving in two lanes, as if her father owns the road.

    14) Sit very near to the steering wheel and very tense. Don't you agree?

    15) From the rear, you probably thought that there isn't a driver driving the car.

    16) In narrow, curve road, the driver keeps jamming the brake as if she is depressing the accelerator.

    17) Using another cashcard to exit the carpark, causing traffic jams until she realised that.

    18) Driving against the traffic direction. That's the worst I have seen. Many drivers horned her, but she still continue to drive to the traffic junction.

    19) Some traffic junctions do not allow drivers to turn right even there are no approaching vehicles. The right turn vehicles have to stay behind the crossing line despite a green light indictated that vehicles can drive straight. A 'Green Right Turn Arrow' would then signal for the cars to move. This woman driver turned right without waiting for the green right turn arrow.

     
  • At Saturday, August 12, 2006 11:40:00 PM , Blogger platformshoes said...

    btw i wan to make it clear i dun fit into any of your 10 points hehehe....

     
  • At Sunday, August 13, 2006 9:56:00 PM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    same goes. I never fit in there.. HENG ah....

    siao liao . I'm not charboh... *gulp*

     
  • At Sunday, August 13, 2006 11:30:00 PM , Blogger Sibeh Sian said...

    I haven't started my driving lessons yet :(

     
  • At Monday, August 14, 2006 9:28:00 AM , Blogger Sunflower said...

    Woooo I like this part,

    My cha-bo-lang´s driving skill?

    No horse run!!

    I can only tell you that she thinks that her Proton is a Porsche and drives like one, fast bo? She is one hell driver - fast, faster, fastest.

    Anyway, for your own sake, drive carefully!

     
  • At Monday, August 14, 2006 12:08:00 PM , Blogger Shaikha said...

    Nah Beng !! One rotten egg thrown at you....*splat!!*

    Can't speak for all women But I consider myself a much better driver than MOST men !! .. who would want to drive like a man anyway ??
    To name a few :
    * They don't know the signal light exist.
    * They curse & swear at their dashboard hoping that the driver of the car in-front can hear them.
    * The glance at us woman driver pulling up next to their car hoping we would give a damn !

    and to top if off...
    Yep ! statistics shows that they get into more accidents on the pretext that the woman drivers r the one that causes them !!
    HAHAHA... aren't they stupid enuf to fall into that trap ! don't u man ever learn...WOMAN rules !!!

    P.S : out of yr list, I admit I will not change a flat tyre & will let the uncle serve me at the petrol stn..
    Why ???.. for the same reason --->
    WE WOMAN RULES... let the man do the 'dirty' job...

    ..hahaha....

     
  • At Monday, August 14, 2006 2:49:00 PM , Blogger old beng said...

    Xorpheus
    Can´t imagine if you were to drive like a cha-bo :)

    Blue Moon
    I am like your dad cos I always nag at my cha-bo-lang not to speed.

    Platformshoes
    Yes, there are some guys drive like sissy, see already also blood boils.

    Anonymous
    Thanks for your additional points. Me especially like the 11, 14 and 15 :D

    Spinnee
    My cha-bo-lang´s driving also not cha-bo-ish but she is still a cha-bo, same as you :)

    Sian
    What´s holding you back? Go get a driving license and show the world how you drive.

    Sunflower
    You tell her la, me give up telling her liao.

    Shaikha
    Wow wow wow, relax a bit la.

    Those who refused to use the signal light are just plain lazy.

    Women don´t curse and swear while driving meh? Think still will la but maybe fewer than men.

    Eh... me glance at women all the time, whether she is driving or been driven or walking at roadside.

    Yes, stats show men get more accidents than women, you are right.

    Kam siah for your commens and that inspires me to write another 10 Signs on Male Drivers :)

     
  • At Monday, August 14, 2006 4:44:00 PM , Blogger The Horny Bitch said...

    U'll mistook my car as a guy's if I have 1...

     
  • At Monday, August 14, 2006 11:31:00 PM , Blogger Leonard said...

    i totally agree with the 10 points, many more to add.

    it just made one boiling at the sight of them!

    how they pass ah?

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 1:31:00 AM , Blogger Dukester said...

    ya ya....totally agree with u...

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 9:01:00 AM , Blogger Kenny Ng said...

    I definately agree with u... I did help gal to change their tyre many times, always stucks behind lady driver at the fast lane, i saw lots of soft toys in the car, parking in n out.

    But all gals r like that lah, yesterday I just met with a lady version schumacher, she potong here n there so keng!!! somemore only a kancil zai, terra mou? I did saw some guys' car full of soft toy too... yuck!!!

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 10:30:00 AM , Blogger old beng said...

    HB
    Yes there are some very steady fast female drivers around us and you must be one of them.

    Leonard
    Yo bro, you must have met with many lousy female drivers everyday right? Hmmm, the "sight" of them must have worsen your eyes thus need the ops. Hope youe are feeling better and rest well.

    Dukester
    Me will be writing one on Male Drivers, see you agree bo?

    Kenny Ng
    Good gentleman you are for helping the helpless gals to change their tyres. Many soft toys in Man´s car?
    Maybe his wife or children deco them. BTW, your blog very funny sia, I like :)

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 11:03:00 AM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    but seriously, i do see fucked up female drivers, which I curse and swear behind the dashboard.

    i do know how to pa yu, but i still prefer ask the pretrol boy to do so I can tip them

    anyway i never see anyone glance at me leh. maybe i prefer looking at the front, the mirrors, but not the side.
    DRIVING LEH. CANNOT ANYHOW LOOK LEH.

    anyway quick post leh.. i wanna determine if i'm a maned-cha boh.

    hawhahwawh

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 11:34:00 AM , Blogger old beng said...

    Some male drivers are worst than female ones.

    My cha-bo-lang has been observing and concluded that whenever she sees a red car driving slowing, the chances of the driver is a four-eye man is very high.

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 11:57:00 AM , Blogger Sunflower said...

    YES YES YES know someone with a red car and is four-eye and is a man!

    Cha-bo-lang... GO GO GO BINGO

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 12:55:00 PM , Anonymous cha bo lang said...

    sunflower

    yah, indeed, the spectacled-man-in-red-car syndrome, i always have fun verifying my postulation whenever i'm on the road, ha ha!

    juz the other day, while i was staring hard checking out on the driver in the tortoise red car on the next lane, the girlfriend/wife of the male driver happened to look in my direction and you should have seen her facial expression when she saw me "checking out" on her guy! wa-piangz! so funny, the poor guy must have been questioned for nothing that day!! ooooooh....somebody ear pain pain liao!! ha ha

    as for me, i love my proton, too bad my first love-wira (1995) had to be scraped, that car was damn light and gave me that flying in the air feeling when driven. now my waja steering wheel rather heavy in comparison but engine damn power man!! vo..vrrroom...roooom...mmm!

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 1:27:00 PM , Blogger Sunflower said...

    Cha bo lang - woooooooooo you so funny...... but hor you must drive carefully ok... :D

    Dont let uncle beng worry about your safety!

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 1:34:00 PM , Blogger old beng said...

    kong buay tiah!!! =_="""

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 2:44:00 PM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    so that means if i eat at tong shui and i see a proton wira flying out from the ang mo chu, it's u ah?? :)

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 2:45:00 PM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    i mean.. waja.. O_O

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 3:01:00 PM , Blogger old beng said...

    Spinnee
    Although my cha-bo-lang drives fast faster fastest type, out from small road, she is always cautious.

    BTW, we are "teng-nang" not ang mo :)

     
  • At Wednesday, August 16, 2006 9:24:00 AM , Anonymous lao hokkien lang said...

    add in 1 more point:
    walking around the parking area looking for her car which she has forgotten where she parked earlier

     
  • At Friday, August 18, 2006 3:41:00 PM , Blogger Kurakat said...

    Acute observation. Wow! =)

     
  • At Tuesday, September 09, 2008 11:09:00 AM , Blogger Mockingbird said...

    i get frustrated too driving behind slow, cautious drivers regardless of whether they are male or female. But i have to concur most of the time such drivers are women rather than men.

     

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