Old Beng Jokes
Enough of the Lau Hero´s jokes, now it is the turn of me, my cha-bo-lang and my children´s jokes: (Guess Lau Hero sure cannot be kept quiet, sure will pop out once in a while)
Old Beng and family were stuck on an island full of cannibals natives during a trip to Amizon Forest.
Then they saw 3 natives heading towards them and Old Beng stood tall and bellowed to his son Xiao Ma Ge 小马哥, "Bring me my red shirt."
Old Beng wore the red shirt that Xiao Ma Ge 小马哥 passed to him and they fought the 3 natives and finally the natives were roundly defeated.
Later that day, Xiao Ma Ge 小马哥, who was looking out for any invaders, screamed that 6 natives were heading their way. Old Beng, calm as ever, called for his red shirt and with his children fought off the natives.
Weary from the battle, the children were sitting around Old Beng and Xiao Ma Ge 小马哥 asked, "Pa, why do you call for your red shirt before battle?"
Old Beng explained, "If I am wounded, the red shirt won´t show the blood and you all will continue to fight unafraid." The children sat in silence, amazed at Daddy´s courage.
As dawn came the following morning, Xiao Ma Ge 小马哥 yelled that 50 natives were heading towards them. Old Beng fell silent and turned to Xiao Ma Ge 小马哥 for his usual command. Calm as ever, he bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants."
Old Beng wasn´t the brightest person. One day when he was being particularly dimwitted, cha-bo-lang yelled out in frustration, "What´s your IQ anyway?"
Ever defiant, Old Beng shot back, "20/20!"
My cha-bo-lang was having a bad morning. Our 3 youngest kids were wound up and driving her crazy. Counting to ten didn´t help, so to release the frustration, cha-bo-lang walked into our bedroom closet, shut the door and SCREAMED! It worked and she felt better.
Ready to face the rest of the day, cha-bo-lang opened the door and was greeted by 3 terrified faces.
"Mummy," said our five-year-old son, "I told you there was a monster in there!"
Friends are always envious when they see me holding my cha-bo-lang´s hand whenever we walk together.
Lau Hero once asked me why me was so romantic and my reply to him, "I´ve been holding her hand when we go out for over 20 years. I have to. If I let go, she shops."
"Little Rabbit 小白兔, do you know your numbers?" cha-bo-lang asks our little darling.
"Yes," she says, "Pa pa taught me."
"What comes after three?"
"Four," Little Rabbit 小白兔 answers.
"Great and tell me what number comes after six?"
"Excellent," cha-bo-lang says, "Pa pa did a good job. Now, what´s after ten?"
"PA PA!!!!!!" Our Little Rabbit 小白兔 calling from the bathroom. "My toothbrush fell into the toilet!"
"Let´s get you a new one," I said, throwing it into the rubbish. "That´s full of bad germs now."
The next thing I knew she was handling me my toothbrush.
"Then we better throw this one too. I dropped it in the toilet last week."
First to arrive at the restaurant, me got a great table by the front window. Minutes later me saw my cha-bo-lang, an attractive woman, hurrying by.
Me rapped on the glass.
She gave me a gorgeous amile and rushed inside.
A man at the next table leaned over, "Teach me how to do that."
For years Old Beng denied he was an aggressive driver. That changed one day when he was out for a ride with his cha-bo-lang and their daughter Little Rabbit 小白兔.
Seeing a teaching opportunity, cha-bo-lang began quizzing Little Rabbit 小白兔 about traffic lights.
"What does a red light mean?" cha-bo-lang asked.
"How about green?"
In her best deep low voice impression of Daddy, Little Rabbit 小白兔 bellowed, "Hang On!"
Our Little Rabbit 小白兔 dreamed of having her own puppy and took every opportunity to try to convince us to buy her one.
Finally, me and cha-bo-lang agreed she could have a puppy if she improved her marks at school.
Several weeks later, Little Rabbit 小白兔 arrived home from school with her report card.
Over dinner that night, me asked her, "How did you do on your reports?"
After a short pause she replied sadly, "Bye bye doggie."
Instead of going home from work on Payday night, Old Beng went to the local pub with Lau Hero and No Eyes See and was talked into going fishing for the whole weekend.
When he finally returned on Sunday night, having spent his month´s wages on bait and beer, cha-bo-lang was understandably irate. "How would you feel if you don´t see me for a few days?" cha-bo-lang screamed.
"That would suit me just fine," Old Beng responded.
Monday passed and Old Beng didn´t see cha-bo-lang.
Tuesday and Wednesday were the same but by Thursday the swelling had gone down enough for him to catch a glimpse of her from his left eye.
Me was going shopping to buy a gift for my cha-bo-lang and asked for her sizes.
"If it is clothes, I wear Small," she said. "If it is diamonds, I wear Large."
lim peh kong wan liao
** All jokes are not the creation of Old Beng, sources from emails, hear-say and magazines.
Labels: Funny Stuff