lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

RA Jokes On Lau Hero Once Again

lim peh ka li kong

Heard of the following jokes, will like to share with you.

x x x x x

Lau Hero´s wife stands looking at her naked body in the mirror. Unhappy with what she see, she turns to her husband Lau Hero and says, "I´m fat and ugly and my breasts are saggy. Pay me a compliment."

Lau Hero thinks for a while, before replying, "Your eyesight is bloody brilliant."

x x x x x

One day, Lau Hero comes upon a big, long ladder stretching into the clouds. Curious, he starts climbing it and enters into the clouds. He sees a large, homely woman lying on the cloud. She says, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"

Lau Hero figures success has to be better than this, so he keeps climbing. He comes upon another level of clouds, and finds a lithe, sexy, super hottie lying seductively on the cloud. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she whispers. Lau Hero can´t believe his luck, but his greed gets the better of him. He climbs even higher, expecting Venus or better!

Suddenly the ladder ends and a trapdoor closes behind him. He looks up to see a hairy 180kg, 1.95m smelly biker bloke with tattoo! The biker walks towards him menacingly. Lau Hero starts to stammer, "Who are you?"

The biker answers, "I´m Cess."

x x x x x

Mr and Mrs Lau Hero come across a painting of three black men on a bench and are confused as to why the middle one has a white penis. They stand staring at it until the museum curator comes up to explain.

"Myself and my fellow critics believe this painting represents the oppression of African American males in a predominantly Caucasian society," he reveals.

Mr and Mrs Lau Hero are still perplexed, however, so are delighted when the Welsh artist offers to explain his vision.

"Does it really represent the oppression of African American males in a predominantly Caucasian society?" Lau Hero asks.

"No," replies the painter. "There aren´t even any African American males in that painting. They´re three Welsh coal miners, and the guy in the middle has just been home for lunch!"

x x x x x

Candy, Lau Hero´s daughter, misses her period for 2 months... Her worried mum makes her take a pregnancy test and it´s positive!

Cursing and crying, Mrs Lau Hero screams, "Who was the pig who did this?!"

Candy makes a call and 20 minutes later a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man, wearing a very expensive suit, steps out and enters the house. He greets the parents, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can´t marry her because of my personal family situation but I´ll take the responsibility. If a girl is born, I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a beach villa and 1 million dollars. If a boy is born, he will receive a couple of factories and 2 million. If it is twins, I´ll give 5 factories each and 5 million to each child. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, Lau Hero. who had remained silent, places his hand firmly on the man´s shoulder and tells him, "You can try again!"

x x x x x

Special appearances : Lau Hero & family.

Note : All jokes are not the creation of Old Beng, sources from emails, hear-say and magazines.

lim peh kong wan liao


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