lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Jokes Jokes

lim peh ka li kong

Know a few jokes, share with you:

=====

Old Beng was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbour, Lau Hero, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.

A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again.

Angrily, back into the house he went. As Old Beng was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Lau Hero came again, looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.

Puzzled by his actions, Old Beng asked Lau Hero, "Is something wrong?"

To which the ferocious Lau Hero replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

=====

Old Beng caught his friend Lau Hero searching high and low all around his living room.

Old Beng: "What are you searching for?"

Lau Hero: "Hidden cameras!"

Old Beng: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"

Lau Hero: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"

=====

Having lost his donkey, Lau Hero, got down to his knees and started thanking God.

Old Beng saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"

Lau Hero replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

=====

Lau Hero is appearing for his University final examination.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.

He then removes his tie and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," Lau Hero says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'."

=====

Old Beng and Lau Hero were sitting outside a clinic.

Old Beng was crying like hell.

So Lau Hero asked, "Why are you crying?"

Old Beng replied, "I came here for blood test"

Lau Hero, "So? Are you afraid?"

Old Beng replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"

Hearing this Lau Hero started crying.

Old Beng was astonished and asked Lau Hero, "Why are you crying?"

Lau Hero replied, "I have come for my urine test."

=====

Lau Hero goes to a hotel and eats heartily.

After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.

The manager comes running and asks him, "Mister, what are you doing?"

To this Lau Hero replies,"Oye, see the board here, " Wash Basin ".

=====

Me really have to kam siah Lau Hero for his special appearance in my jokes :p

lim peh kong wan liao

All jokes are not the creation of Old Beng, sources from emails, hear-say and magazines.

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28 Comments:

  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 10:45:00 AM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    HAHAHA I thot "WOW lau hero your neighbour, next time jio u two go Tong Shui Cafe liao"

    in the end i read again... piang...

    made Lau Hero like ah gong kia hahahahahahahaahah

    thx for the intro again hahaha last nite it's so weird, I have to secretly snap the pic.. look like PI.. (the staff keep look at me)

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 10:50:00 AM , Blogger old beng said...

    You can still jio 2 of us : me and my cha-bo-lang, never mind about Lau Hero, me can eat on his behalf :D

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 11:02:00 AM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    Wanted to do last nite, but it was 11pm leh.. and dunno how to reach u neither (though I know who may have your contact)

    never mind bah.. sekali u guys see me can't eat liao.. ahahhaah

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 11:30:00 AM , Blogger old beng said...

    Spinnee
    No worries, if we can eat while looking at our friend Lau Hero, no one else will be able to beat him, WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Think he´s gonna skin me :p

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 11:40:00 AM , Blogger Ben Tan said...

    ha ! funny man... thxs for the jokes.

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 11:56:00 AM , Blogger old beng said...

    Bentan
    Glad that you enjoyed the jokes but they are not my creation, me just paste it from an email me received and of course me changed the name to Lau Hero.

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 12:22:00 PM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    hAHAhahha imagine lau hero fuming over the other end.. wow... ahahahahahah

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 12:45:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    hA hA .... Thk for the joke.... pls post more this type of joke and use Lau Hero name ..ha ha ha....A

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 2:49:00 PM , Blogger Shaikha said...

    Me got one.. me got one...

    One day, Ah Beng & Lau Hero got into a lift from the 20th storey & wanted to go down to the ground floor. They looked at the button & could see the no. 20 down to no. 2 - then it was followed by a "G".

    As they're not English educated, they hv no idea what "G" mean.
    Suddenly Ah Beng exclaimed & hit "G".
    When they finally reached the ground floor, Lau Hero was so impresed and asked Ah Beng "Wah Lau!!! How u know one?"
    Then Ah Beng replied smugly, "Easy lah... "G" for Gelo mah...."

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 4:07:00 PM , Blogger noeyesee said...

    MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

    Uncle Beng, u really very funny leh.

    Lau hero very pathetic but i think lau hero will not mind since its only jokes, right?

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 4:47:00 PM , Blogger old beng said...

    Anonymous A
    How´s your face now? I believe it is fine after so many years. Ok me shall post more Lau Hero´s jokes.

    Shaikha
    You are collect er..... I mean correct, the pronunciation me know for "0" is "Gelo" :p

    No Eye See See
    Since you enjoyed my jokes so much, the next round me shall include you with Lau Hero as well.

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 5:26:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    After that day my face is flat till now..ha..ha.ha....so you must post more and use the name like Lau Hero...he he...hee, i think after you post more lau hero face will like BAO QING TIAN......A

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 5:52:00 PM , Blogger lau hero said...

    enjoy it gals & guys, I'm just laughing away with my name apperance as the lead, hahahaha , I think most happy man around should be A, wa ha ha ha you hapi?

    Oh Oh there is & will be another 1 very hapi, small female bear aka 小母熊,hahahaha.

    Oh ya, Oldbeng use it as you need it, I'm hapi as long you pples hapi with it, hahahaha

    Oh Ya A man, my face dun wori it still a face of me, won't turn black or purple or red or rojak colors, me concern most is you sure your damn face is flat from then til now, how flat is it? tell me leh.

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 6:14:00 PM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    Wow Anonymous A also here..!! kekeke

    Lau Hero, I really believe u & oldbeng neighbour ok .. den i read read.. bo dui pi.. kns den realise it's jokes... ahahahha it cracked me up!

    thx for asking me come back here read... reminded myself of my stupidity..HAHAAH

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 9:27:00 PM , Blogger 一隻熊 said...

    不好、不好﹗

    老英雄式的笑話就應該配合老英雄的形像嘛﹗老明、沒有腥煽色、就是少了那麼一點兒英雄的調調﹗大家說是不是﹖

    期待老英雄式的黃色笑話﹗

    呵呵呵~

     
  • At Thursday, May 25, 2006 9:33:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Ha ha... Lau Hero - Boa Qing Tian by the way if u 1 2 c me, whatabout we meet at CV 2moro for a drink....will 'car tain wei hor li' ...A

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 9:41:00 AM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    why bo jio me to CV?

    the nasi lemak shiok.

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 9:51:00 AM , Blogger old beng said...

    一只熊

    我可以尽量洒一些“盐”去配合老英雄的“形象”但是太咸却会不适合老明的原则,况且我并不精于这类荤笑话,或许妳可以露一手写一写?

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 12:52:00 PM , Blogger lau hero said...

    A sian sin u mean today Friday night at CV, I let you know later c how, my dad had a operation on his eye, so I c if my mum is home with him or my brother, mayb a little while I still available.

    Spinnee, u wan come no pblm if u dun feel bore with old man like us, we juz chit chap inclusively with the language sometime we dun understand ourself, hahahaha I thk A will most welcome u and me too, what abt u oldbeng, A buying la, dun wori those half half dun come out so early one la cos they knw A is going they will hide out first till A is gone

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 12:54:00 PM , Blogger lau hero said...

    u c beng I told u someone beside A is also hapi like KTGL, n asking to do it more jialut jialut, dun wori la go ahead as long everyone reading is hapi like KTGL can liao, I be hapi too

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 1:05:00 PM , Blogger old beng said...

    Lau Hero
    Kam siah for your invitation but no, I won´t go all the way to Changi Village la, me st the West. You 2 enjoy your la kopi and seeing "Ah-Gua".

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 1:18:00 PM , Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

    U guys come Tong Shui Cafe la.. better..

    Ah Gua nice to see, but see too long revolting.

    Oh yes, get my nasi lemak along hor.

    Kam Sia. :P

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 2:10:00 PM , Blogger dandan...™ said...

    hahhaa..so funny!!
    3 claps for the "silly" lau hero!!
    hahaha..

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 2:40:00 PM , Blogger lau hero said...

    Wa kaoz, Tong Shui Cafe, where? I vy the blur over the west side leh also hide hide one go there, oldbeng always said this : lau hero (very loud), u vy LL (not lanlan, it's laulan) hor, u come west side, I get pples or myself smap yr F....g face until it look like loti plata, how to go like tat and A also dun like travel far far one.

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 2:46:00 PM , Blogger lau hero said...

    like I say A go CV the half half will not come out one la, but there now a day alot of shui cha bo liao leh, if not A where got call me go one, he only c c look look but bo ji approach even in those relax type of Pub talk to those waitress or other patrons, he amithuhu liao only buay ti tao nian.

     
  • At Friday, May 26, 2006 4:09:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Lau hero Just say wat u like as long as u hapi ok......AmItHuLu....(mirror)A.....A......

     
  • At Saturday, May 27, 2006 12:52:00 AM , Blogger Dukester said...

    Poor LHL, being the butt of Oldbeng's jokes....hahaha

     
  • At Monday, May 29, 2006 4:45:00 PM , Blogger Mickell said...

    Ha, ha, ha...! :D Very funny indeed! :)

     

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