lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

外婆

今年是一手把我带大的外婆的逝世十周年,时间似乎过得很快,匆匆就十年了。

因为某种原因,在我三个月大时,父母亲便把我交给我的外婆看管、照顾。由于只和外婆一人相处,当时的我较为木纳、贑直,其实就是比较呆笨。

一些片段很清晰的印在我的脑海里,总在我最没有防备的时候忆想起外婆。。。

x x x x x

犹记得有一回,当时的我大概只有四、五岁吧,外婆出外购物,把在睡梦中的我留在家里,托嘱邻居阿嫂帮忙看着我。当我睡醒后,见不到外婆,心里着实慌了一下,走出房外寻找她时,却被邻居阿嫂作弄得哭了起来。那个阿嫂指着一栋大厦说道:“你阿嬷从大厦上跳楼死了。”我记得当时的我哭的特别凄惨,而那阿嫂却在一旁看着我嚎哭,一直微笑着。虽然事隔多年,当时痛哭的悲惨情形还清晰的在我脑海里。

x x x x x

独居的小孩总是比较笨吧,我就是这么一个真实的例子。也是大概四、五岁的时候,我从鼻孔里挖出了一快鼻屎,问外婆:“阿嬷,这个鼻屎是什么味道?” 外婆告诉我说她不清楚,还叫我尝尝看,呆呆的我真的把手指上的鼻屎放进嘴巴里。。。晕!

x x x x x

在小学考试其间,外婆买了几瓶鸡精让我补一补。小时候有两样食品是我所无法吞下肚的:鸡精和皮蛋。记得当时外婆拿了一瓶鸡精叫我喝下,生平第一次喝鸡精的我完全无法接受那怪异的味道。喝了一口后的我马上拒绝再喝,死也不再把小嘴巴张开。外婆当时很生气,拿起藤条直逼着我喝。我马上转身便跑,最后跑进厕所里躲 。。。结果是在藤条的威严下在厕所里把鸡精喝下。

x x x x x

有一段时期,老明我很喜欢看“摔跤”,每回我坐在电视机前观看摔跤节目时,外婆也陪着我一起看。她甚至认得那些摔跤佬而且看得投入非常,身体也会不由自主的随着摔跤佬的动作扭动。外婆当时的偶像是 Hulk Hogan.

x x x x x

最爆笑的一件事发生在我与老友R的身上:有一回,R 与我从外回到我家。在进门后我脱掉我的鞋子,呈现在眼前是我那破了一个洞的白袜子。外婆看到我那破洞的袜子,一脸尴尬,当着R的面前嘲笑了我几句:“哎哟,你看你的袜子破了一个大洞,还穿,真是的。R 你看我们家的明就是这样,成何体统!”

R 一句话也没说,只笑笑,然后把鞋子脱掉。。。靠,他的左右脚上的袜子也都破了大洞。我马上指着R的破袜子对着外婆大声说:“阿嬷,妳瞧,他的袜子也是破的,比我的还大洞,哈哈哈。。。”只见外婆满脸通红,一脸尴尬,不知所措。

x x x x x

外婆后期得了癌症,当时只有舅舅和我与外婆同住在一起。我的母亲、阿姨们以及我的妹妹在白天都会过来陪伴外婆直到我放工回家。

有几次,外婆都不大吃得下我母亲与阿姨煮的晚饭,却在她们全部回家后,告诉我她肚子饿,想吃“河粉”。几乎每一个晚上都要求我到楼下的煮炒摊位打包食物,直把我也养成吃夜宵的习惯。

x x x x x

外婆离开我们之前的最后一个月,已经无法行动,而且也一直进进出出医院。到后期,因为打吗啡止痛,外婆总处在昏迷中。每个晚上放工后,我总会到医院陪伴外婆直至深夜;一个静躺着、一个静坐着。。。

有一晚,约十二点钟,外婆忽然缓缓张开双眼,问道:“你怎么还在这儿?其他的人呢?”

我告诉外婆已经很晚了,其他的人都回家休息去了。

“我想吃点东西。” 外婆对着我说。

“阿嬷,我冲一杯麦片给你喝,还有一些梳打饼。”

看着外婆吃了几片饼干以及喝了半杯的麦片,我庆幸当时的我还没回家。当晚,外婆一直握着我的手,微笑着。大概半个小时后,外婆再次昏睡过去。或许是一种预感,在驾车的回家途中,我的泪无从控制的流。。。

隔天,我们决定把外婆接回家,反正在医院也只是躺着。到家的时候,外婆又再清醒过来,看了看四周围,“嗯,到家了,真好。”不出两天,外婆脱离病痛,离开了我们。

那一刻,我知道我再也无法握外婆的手、我再也听不到她说话、我再也见不到她了、只有照片与记忆。


十年后的今天,我依然怀念我的外婆。。。。。
x x x x x

一个人去世后,只要还有一个人惦记着他、想念着他,那他还是活着的;
当一个人去世后,这世上再没有任何一个人怀念着他,他才算真正的死了;



老明八个月大时与外婆的合照
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Friday, November 23, 2007

Amazing Pictures

lim peh ka li kong

Good Babysitter?!?!

lim peh can´t pronounce that word at all!!!!
Where the hell are the boy´s parents?!?!
Same owner?
Blame my owner who fed me daily
Hmmm?!?!
Yes lim peh understand

lim peh kong wan liao

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Monday, November 19, 2007

IN一周特别酷 - 访问蛇王


记者:各位好,欢迎收看我们的 “IN一周特别酷”,今天我要访问的是我们的蛇王。

猪记者:蛇大哥,您好。谢谢您接受我们 “IN一周特别酷” 的访问。

蛇王:那里,那里。能够上贵台的节目是俺的荣幸。

猪记者:蛇大哥,听说您前一阵子,好象瘦了一圈,这是真的吗?

蛇王:是真的,珍珠都冇咁真,俺的确瘦了几厉害一下喔。

猪记者:为什么会瘦呢?

蛇王:俺跟你讲,事关俺的视力从去年底便开始走下坡,看东西模模糊糊,不是很清楚。

猪记者:那,对您有影响吗?

蛇王:影响可大了,俺跟你讲,俺的视力退化后,focus不到,常常捉不到食物,只能吃青菜,他奶奶滴,阴功啰,所以瘦了一圈。

猪记者:那后来怎样?

蛇王:后来俺去配一副眼镜才把问题解决了。

猪记者:哈哈,那您就是名副其实的 “眼镜蛇” 咯。

蛇王:呵呵,俺是英俊潇洒,玉树临风的 “眼镜蛇”。

猪记者:那配了眼镜之后,不就一切顺顺利利,无往不胜,一帆风顺,一目了然。。。。

蛇王:是就好了。

猪记者:怎么了?

蛇王:那辈,戴上眼镜后才发觉原来一直和俺同居的女伴只是一条水管。

猪记者:哇哈哈,谢谢蛇大哥接受我们 “IN一周特别酷” 的专访。各位观众,我们今天的 “IN一周特别酷” 又来到了尾声,我是酷猪,我们下次再见,如果有循众要求的话。



Cartoon source : Gibbleguts Inc - Dan Gibson
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Friday, November 16, 2007

Dilberts Laws Of Work

lim peh ka li kong

Came across this interesting post at Whiskoffee´s blog months ago, will like to share share:

Dilberts Laws Of Work

* Source from Whiskoffee´s blog.

lim peh kong wan liao
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

A Joke on Old Beng and Lau Hero

lim peh ka li kong

A funny joke to share :

Old Beng is a Wizard and Lau Hero is an Actor. On the island where both of them stay is controlled by the King and the Queen.

The Queen has a pair of hyper beautiful breasts and Lau Hero has been drooling over the Queen´s assets but just wishful thinking cos the King will decapitate his head or both the big and small heads, so to speak, if he were to do anything funny.

One day, Lau Hero asked Old Beng for help as he really would love to have a taste on the Queen´s assets and Lau Hero promised to give Old Beng a thousand dollars if he could fulfil his wild dream.

Old Beng, being a greedy noble man, agreed to help Lau Hero because of the money they are very good friends.

Old Beng, during one of his routine visits to the King and Queen, he secrectly smeared some cream onto the inner cups of the Queen´s bra which caused the Queen´s assets to become itchy and unless with the antidote from Old Beng, the itch would never go away.

After having the unbearable itch for half a day, the Queen called Old Beng for help since he is the Wizard.

Old Beng told the Queen that the only way to stop her itch would have to be the saliva from Lau Hero´s mouth and it must be directly from Lau Hero´s mouth

He further told the Queen that the effect of eliminating the itch would only take place after 4 hours of continuously sucking / lapping from Lau Hero.

So Lau Hero with the antidote in his mouth, enjoyed his long full 4 hours of action with the Queen.

That evening, Old Beng went to Lau Hero´s house to ask for his One Thousand Dollars.

Lau Hero refused to pay Old Beng his rightful agreed sum of money, "Lau Beng, I only have a hundred dollars and that´s it. Take it or leave it and I doubt you have the guts to tell the Queen that I cheated on you for the money, ha ha!"

The next day, Old Beng smeared more itchy cream onto the King´s under-wear...

lim peh kong wan liao
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Friday, November 09, 2007

发财

(旧著)

许多年前,大芭窑某一家人集体自杀。这宗曾经轰动全狮城的新闻,事后证实屋主开煤气自杀,自杀的原因不详,似是钱财方面出了问题。可怜的孩子是无辜的,却白白随着父母共赴黄泉路,真不明白为何会有那么狠心的父母?!

那间房子自从出事后便一直空着,曾有几户人家搬去住过,却都迫不及待的又搬走了,据他们说是有不干净的东西。一些在深夜经过那儿的人也总听到房子里有声音传出:象是有人在里头走来踱去,又象有人在里头移动家具。

当时有一名居住在同座组屋的李先生财迷心窍,想发死人财。于是在一个深夜里,李先生拨电话到自杀屋主的家里,竟然有人接听电话。李先生当时就曾指天发誓告诉别人那是自杀屋主的声音,而且给了他四个真字发财。李先生答应如果号码开头奖,他将会为屋主烧多多冥钱以及买一些祭品去拜他。

果然,李先生中了头奖,到处请客是难免的,只不过他忘了曾许下的诺言,忘了去祭拜那令他发财的屋主,而在几天后即离奇身亡。

人人都说他不守信用,更何况他所许下的诺言的对象是鬼魂。

经过李先生的离奇死亡后,人人对那空屋更是深感骇怕,一到夜晚便无人再敢靠近它的周围,慢慢的,人们也开始忘了李先生离奇身亡的事。。。
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Super What Man?

lim peh ka li kong

Lim peh received the following si-bei funny email from my friend, must share with all of you.


Super-Winnie-Man
Super-Doraeman
Super-Kitty-Man


Super-Melody-Man
Super-Sarong-Man
Super-Chang-Jin

lim peh kong wan liao
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Friday, November 02, 2007

Suay Ah Seng

lim peh ka li kong

My buddy, Ah Seng came and talk cock with lim peh yesterday after work and he looked rather angry.

Seeing him having a long black face, lim peh kay-poh and asked him, "Oei, Ah Seng, why so long face, got people owed you money ah?"

"No la, you know I where got extra money to lend people." Ah Seng replied in a rather sad tone.

"So why you so moody? Who made our Ah Seng so angry?"

"Ai-ya, my house 母老虎 lor." Ah Seng said.

"Ha! Must be you again go outside 口花花, hanky panky then kena caught si bo? I already told you before..." lim peh said.

"Lao Beng, you never change one la, always jumping into conclusion and assume things." Ah Seng stopped me half way.

"Huh? Not you trying to be funny meh?"

"Let me tell you la" Ah Seng told me the following.....

=====

I am still very angry about the incident which happened yesterday evening when I went home after driving for the whole day.

While I parked my taxi outside my house, I saw my 母老虎 and our 7-year-old boy waiting for me at the gate.

The minute I stepped out of my taxi, my 母老虎 walked towards me and I received something from her on my right cheek. A kiss? No la, if it was a kiss, I where got angry one, happy also 来不及.

She gave me a tight slap on my handsome right cheek. I was totally stun to receive such treatment from her. Before I could say anything, she gave me another slap on my left cheek.

Wa-lau, although the slaps sounded rather loud, they were not really painful but my whole face was as red as the tomato because my neighbours were all rushing around us, darn malu siah.

I queried my 母老虎 as to why she slapped me, she told me that she had instructed our son to call me on my mobile phone in the afternoon but 5 times our son tried to reached me, there was another woman answering my phone.

My 母老虎 was very angry as to why another woman was answering my mobile. I thought my son had called the wrong number but he did dial the right numbers and there was no mistake about it.

"So you still want to deny?" My 母老虎 asked me sternly. "Ah boy, tell us what the woman said when you called your Daddy this afternoon."

My son said, "Starhub is not getting a respond from the subscriber´s mobile phone, please try again later..."

=====

lim peh kong wan liao
Related Posts with Thumbnails