lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Things My Cha-Bo-Lang Cannot Stand

lim peh ka li kong

Being imprisoned married for so many years, I know my cha-bo-lang pretty well. I also know of some things she cannot stand me doing which me usually do behind her back but sometimes kena caught by her. =_="""

1) Dig gold until no day no night. (Skip this point 1 if you are eating now)
Lim peh also dont know why leh, this digging habit of mine just clings onto me for the longest time. Actually hor, digging is okay one la just do not roll it between your thumb and finger and then 弹 shoot it out like a bullet can liao.

2) Slack completely in the sofa watching T.V. after meal - A real potato 大番薯
Who will actually sit in an upright posture at home after a hard day´s work while resting? Somemore after a sumptuous dinner and watching T.V.? At home sure must relax lah so once in a while we should slack a bit at home.

3) Shake leg
Lim peh think ah, for men to shake legs is ok one la, girl girl shake legs then not so nice. The Chinese believes that if your shake your leg then your wealth will also be shaken away. No wonder lim peh no money leh.

4) Keeping my hair too long
Actually hor, now that I still have hair I should try to keep it long long if not later no hair, want to keep also cannot then how? Lim peh change my mind in keeping long hair after my cha-bo-lang told me, "Lau Beng, you look at least 20 15 10 5 years younger with short hair la." Immediately after her words of wisdom, lim peh went to cut my hair short short, ya ya me vain-pot, can?

5) Spend too much time in front of the computer
You know la, since me love to write blogs, how not to spend time in front of the computer but my cha-bo-lang thinks otherwise? She feels that by spending 8 to 9 hours in the office facing the computer is bad enough thus she refrains requests me not to use computer at home. So my beloved, nice, friendly, avid, yan-dao, chio readers, if one day you find my blog growing grass due to the lack of updating, you know the culprit reason to it.

6) Use too much Mobile phone unnecessarily
My cha-bo-lang very kiasi health conscious one, she detests people from using the mobile phones. So when me talk cock discuss important issues with my buddies using the handphone, she will sure to give me her dagger stare.

7) Buy too much 4D
You know what is the problem with buying 4D? Difficult to strike? Wrong la. The most difficult part with buying 4D is when you buy some numbers for a while and then you tell yourself you will stop buying after this month then bingo your numbers open and your strike some money, usually not much la, maybe around $500 to $1,000. So having tasted the shiokness of striking 4D, you will continue to buy some more numbers and then after 3 months not even a fart and just before you plan to let go, you strike a little bit again and the cycle goes round.

Stop buying completely? No way cos you scared once your let go your favourite 心水 number, it opens first price then you will sure 捶心肝, cow father cow mother one.

8) Don´t like to exercise
As age is catching up on me and laziness is my middlename, Exercise is really not my cup of tea BUT my cha-bo-lang will force psycho sweet-talk me to do exercise with her.

lim peh kong wan liao

Labels: ,

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Dinner With 2 Bloggers

lim peh ka li kong

On 24 June, 2007 a very hot Sunday, me and my cha-bo-lang met up with 2 fine bloggers for a short dinner - Carcar and Whiskoffee.

We had our dinner at a restaurant called Different Taste near Carcar's house and I was more than happy cos the restaurant is also very near to my house since Carcar and I are just neighbours. (tell you softly hor, actually lim peh was the one who suggested the venue, ha ha ha).

The common rules applied to our meeting too. My nephew, myself and Whiskoffee were the first to be at the restaurant and the 2 ladies, Carcar and my cha-bo-lang came later. (Girls = late comers).

At 6:30 pm sharp, all were well seated down and the food was served within minutes. The food was delicious as we ordered Prawn Rolls, Pork Ribs, Thai Chicken Cutlets, Sambal Kangkong and Hot Plate Tofu, just nice for the 5 of us. (lim peh was busy eating until forget to take photo, scared the 2 young ones finished up all the food while I take the photos).

Me find the food in this restaurant very nice and both Whiskoffee and my Nephew had 2nd helpings of rice.

Although lim peh is an old uncle (as compared to Carcar and Whiskoffee), me managed to talk on almost everything with them under the sun. (No generation gap).

From our conversation, me learned the following interesting phrases: -


"The difference between a Cat person and a Dog person"

"People who are born in December are very smart people."


After eating and talking for about 1 and a half hours, we went our separate ways.

If you are wondering, the answer is "yes", we talked about the other bloggers whom we know. Who did we gossip? Bloggers we know, Blogs we read and Bloggers we would like to meet. So which Bloggers? Ha ha, for us to know and for you to find out, come join us the next round.

I must say the following to Carcar and Whiskoffee who had spent their time with me:

The food is good but the company is BETTER!

lim peh kong wan liao

You can also read the event from Carcar' blog here and Whiskoffee´s blog here.


Related Posts with Thumbnails

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Life Is ... by Adrenaline

lim peh ka li kong

Chanced into this interesting blog via Sibehsian´s blog.

Adrenaline writes some very nice posts in her blog and this one is especially cool:


Life is ......

... not just the number of friends' shoulders whom you cry on, but also the number of friends who cry on your shoulder.

... not juz being there for your family when they need you, but also the times when they want you there.

... not the number of lips you've kissed, but the kisses that take your breath away.

... doing your best not juz in jobs that you like, but also jobs that you hate.

... not the number of movies you've watched, but the movies that teared or stirred you emotionally.

... not juz having someone to hold when you're down, but someone to hug when you're watching TV.

... not the number of books you've read, but the amount of knowledge that you share.

... laughing not only because of hilarious jokes, but also because you're truly happy.

... not the number of kids you've had, but the number you've nurtured.

... not about the people that you loved, but the ways you've displayed your love.

... not about having a big house, but having a home.

... not about playing mahjong on Friday nights, but having the company of 3 others who share a similar interest.

... not about the number of people you've slept with, but the amount of orgasms you've had.

... not juz bringing joy to people whom you love, but also those who need them.

... not about looking youthful, but being young spiritually.

Lastly, life is not about the number of people who would be attending your funeral, but those, whose lives you had played a part in shaping.


lim peh kong wan liao

Labels: ,

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Monday, June 18, 2007

Tok-Kong Translation

lim peh ka li kong

When lim peh received the following email, me can´t help laughing at the tok-kong translation.

lim peh share wan liao

Labels: ,

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Thursday, June 14, 2007















x x x x x
















“唔,我看就这么决定吧,只要我们多留意一下他们的安全,应该没什么问题。” 陈主任道。




“林老师,我想去洗个澡,妳介意我们一块儿吗?” 黄小姐问林老师。
















“不如我们打开门看看吧。” 巫先生提议道。


“那。。。” 巫先生还想开口说话。


x x x x x


“可是我们什么也没见着,哪可以就此不管了呢?” 巫先生问道:“况且这世上哪有什么鬼呢?”










“我说我的床。。。震动!” 振华提高声音说道。




“可是刚才它明明正震动得很厉害。” 振华道。


“不!我不会再睡在这张床了。” 振华说完连连退后。






x x x x x




“没。。。没什么。” 振华摇头说道。

“你的脸色很差,我看我待会儿送你回去,O.K?” 巫先生在一旁说道。


“不要紧,反正我得送钟先生回去,顺便也送你一程。” 巫先生说道。

“这。。。” 振华还想拒绝。

“不用这了,就这么说定了。” 钟先生说道。


x x x x x


“哦!“马桶”与 “沙皮狗”也会去,哪可以少了我呢?” 巫先生笑答道。






“小钟,我们一同去环绕这个岛一圈吧!” 巫先生提议道。

“走吧。” 钟先生说完便与巫先生一同走了。

x x x x x




“回来了,怎么样?” 巫先生的女朋友小晴眨着一双大眼睛望着他问道,双手紧握着对方的手。





x x x x x



“咦?那儿有人。” 雯玲忽然指着岛的那一端说道。


“哪有什么人?” 沙皮狗首先说道。


“不可能,我明明。。。” 雯玲还想说下去。








“什么事?” 慧慧以发抖着的声音问道。

















“不要!不要出去!” 美姗与慧慧齐声嚷道。












x x x x x




Labels: ,

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


(1) 海狮与企鹅








海狮不厌其烦地问了99 只企鹅,所得到的答案都一样,“吃饭、睡觉、打滚滚。”






(2) 公鸡、母鸡、羊和狐狸






公鸡听后马上就地把母鸡干了(干 = 做爱)。



Labels: ,

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Monday, June 11, 2007

T-shirts Daddy Bought

lim peh ka li kong

Received the following emails :)

Asking Daddy to buy shirts for your baby is a very bad idea, it is wiser to do it yourself. You don´t think so? Well.... take a look at these T-shirts Daddy bought.

So? Change your mind to buy T-shirts yourself?

lim peh kong wan liao


Related Posts with Thumbnails

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

TV Commercials

lim peh ka li kong

Today lim peh did something very stupid BUT for the sake of my cha-bo-lang I have no regrets in doing so and I will do it again if she wants me to.

Before telling you about the stupid act, let me share with you my views on the few advertisements which are air-ed in our local tv channels lately.

Recently, I have seen a few advertisements: some darn funny but some really cannot make it.

The 1 which me think really cannot make it is the stoopid dinosaur after drinking the drink left peacefully, somemore shed a tear...der.

1 that me like very much is the "... so how do you spell it...Singapore... hello... Mumbai... Mumbai la ..." and the Indian man shook his head in utter disbelief that some guy actually trunk-called to order food in India from Singapore, ha ha LMAO.

Another one is the one where 2 gangster-look-alike men demanded from the shopkeeper for "Can you give me Anything" and the shopkeeper offered everything except the drinks and was humtum-ed makes me smile, not because of the violence but the comical facial expression.

Lastly, the recent "Takuya Kimura 木村拓哉" Gatsby Moving Rubber is quite cute although many find the commercial quite bo-liao.

Ok, back to my stupid act this morning.

My cha-bo-lang wasn´t feeling well when she woke up and according to her, the ceiling was spinning when she tried getting out of bed.

Before I left for work, I raised my both hands and pull my hair (although not much hair by comparison), and I started to sing, "Give me Gatsby... la la la la..." and did the slow body spins and swaying my body in slow motion JUST LIKE Takuya Kimura 木村拓哉 in the Gatsby commercial.

My cha-bo-lang looked at me, don´t know to cry or laugh, (不知好气还是好笑) but she laughed at last.

Yeah yeah I know la, this middle-aged fatty-bom-bom uncle cannot compare to the 万人迷 Takuya Kimura 木村拓哉 but to see my cha-bo-lang laughing at my stupid act is worth my effort.

lim peh kong wan liao

Labels: , , ,

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Monday, June 04, 2007

Lessons In Life

lim peh ka li kong

Saw this in Robin´s blog, me cut cut a bit and share with you.

Lessons in Life

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

6. Cry with someone.It's more healing than crying alone.

7. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

8. Don't compare your life to others' .You have no idea what their journey is all about.

9. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

10. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

11. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

12. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

13. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

14. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

17. Forgive everyone everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

22. Believe in miracles.

23. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

24. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

25. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

26. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

27. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

28. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

29 If you don't ask, you don't get.

30. Life isn't tied with a bow,but it's still a gift.

He has all 50 pointers there but me only show 30 here, want to read all his 50 pointers? Click here.

lim peh share wan liao

Labels: ,

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Friday, June 01, 2007

Angry Old Beng

lim peh ka li kong

One Saturday morning, lim peh woke up late (no work on Saturday, very shiok ah) and went to a coffee shop in my neighbourhood to 打包 炒米粉面 packet fried beehoon-mee for breakfast.

When I reached the coffee shop, there was already a long queue at the stall. Counting the numbers of heads in front of me, I was the number 6th customer and standing in front of me was an Auntie with a head of red-hair.

While waiting for my turn, the queue behind me got longer by the seconds and when I turned around to look at the long queue, I saw about another 8-10 people behind me.

The red-hair Auntie queuing in front of me turned her head to the long queue behind me and saw a man queuing 4-person away from me and said, "Ah Lim, come come, what you want to but, I buy for you la, I in front faster."

I turned around and stared at that man whom the Auntie was talking to.

The man queuing behind us declined the Auntie´s offer and said, "Neh mind la, I can queue up myself."

The Auntie refused to accept "No" for an answer and further offered her help, "Come la, don´t shy, I buy faster, what you want?"

The man accepted her kind offer and told the Auntie to packet Nasi Lemak for him.

Although me was staring at the Auntie, she seemed not to notice my dagger stare and continued to queue up as if nothing happened.

In my mind I was thinking, why these people like that huh? Cannot see that all of us were also queuing up meh?

Then that red-hair Auntie turned around again and called out to another man queuing at the end of the line, "Mr Tan, you also want to buy beehoon mee is it, come come, tell me what you want, I buy for you."

Lim peh turned around to look at that Mr Tan and discovered that he was a man about my age.

Mr Tan immediately declined her offer by saying, "It´s ok, I will line up myself. Thanks"

The Auntie like really cannot take "No" as an answer continued to say, "come la, no need to be shy one la, if not you have to wait very long."

That´s it!

One person cut queue still not enough now offering another one. Guess if me kept quiet, there might be the 3rd, 4th and Xth ones down the road.

Lim peh looked at the Auntie and said, "Hello, why are you buying for others? Can´t you see that there are many of us queuing up too? Why not you buy for everyone behind me? It´s not fair to the people queuing up, right?"

The Auntie was stunned and said, "He is my friend."

"So what if he is your friend? If the person is your child, I won´t mind."

I think that Auntie was really stunned that someone dare to actually interfere into her business of offering to buy thus kept quiet after that or maybe my black face really very fierce.

What surprised me was that of all the people queuing behind me, none said anything. They just kept quiet and watched the free show, dare not even breathe too loud.

Come on, if the person you are offering to help is an elderly, a pregnant lady or a handicap person, I won´t mind to let them cut the queue but those 2 were healthy men.

Even now when me think about the incident, me still angry.

Guess at times, Singaporeans are just too timid and submissive and dare not even voice out their unpleasantness even if unfairness is done to them.

Will you voice out like lim peh or will you just keep mum cos "it´s none of my business"?

lim peh kong wan liao

PS: Now that I think back, I was rather surprised at my harsh word towards the Auntie, maybe there and then, a hungry man was an angry man.

Labels: ,

Related Posts with Thumbnails