lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


lim peh ka li kong

Those of you who know Old Beng will know that he "has" 12 children, the eldest one 小马哥 already 17 years old liao and the youngest one only 3 years old.

One night during dinner, one of Old Beng´s sons, 小明仔 a 13-year-old Secondary 1 student suddenly announced that he would like to participate in the Campus Superstar 校园 Superstar next year.

"Kor, you want to be like Shawn Tok ah?" one of his sister 小白兔 asked.

In case you did not watch the TV telecast on the 校园 Superstar last Saturday, Shawn Tok, a 13-year-old Secondary one boy, was the overall Champion of the Singing competition.

"Yes, I think I can sing as well as Shawn" 小明仔 replied his sister with a smile.

Their eldest brother 小马哥 saw that Old Beng´s face was rather black when he heard what 小明仔 said about his intention to join the 校园 Superstar, said, "小明仔, you are too young to make such decision, you need to seek the approval from Pa first."

小明仔 turned and look at Old Beng and asked, "Pa, I am thinking of joining the 校园 Superstar next year, what do you think?"

To be honest, although me do not really like the idea of the way they throne the 歌王 or 歌后, that is by voting through phone calls and sms-ing, but this is only a kind of Marketing programme, a very successful one, I must say.

I am alright with Singapore Idol, Superstar, Superband, Live The Dream etc BUT lim peh is totally against 校园 Superstar.

Lim peh´s old fashioned mind always believes that a student´s role is to study and not thinking and wanting to be a star 发明星梦 or 歌星梦.

Watching the students singing and dancing and dressing up like a star is something lim peh cannot bear. Students are sometimes too young to understand their roles but what puzzled me is that their parents supported them into taking part of the contest.

How about the Teachers and Principals of the students? So supportive, so proud of their students who got into the final? Lim peh see already also buay tahan.

This is just not right!

Then best of all, the news of the contestants, who and who are an item la, who has a steady girlfriend/boyfriend la etc. Students are supposed to concentrate in their studies la and not these nonsense relationship.

Call me old fashioned uncle 老古董, I am 100% against 校园 Superstar.

Therfore, Old Beng´s little 小明仔 will be concentrating in his studies and will not be taking part in the 校园 Superstar.

Those of you who want to support him by voting for him, I will be more than happy if you can just donate the cash to lim peh.

Hmmm, maybe lim peh should go for the Live The Dream and my beloved readers can help me to fulfill lim peh´s 明星梦 by voting me all the way to Championship. Lim peh no longer a student la.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Monday, August 27, 2007

Old Couples

lim peh ka li kong

Heard of these 2 jokes on Old Couples. Just jokes only la, don´t get too offensive.


Old Time Sake

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago, that wasn't an ELECTRIC FENCE!!"


The Bell

Due to old age, Charlie and his wife have copulation once a week and to the rhythm of the bell of the Big Clock beside their house.

Every Saturday night at ten pm sharp, they will copulate according to the ringing of the bell, Ding... Dong... Ding... Dong... Ding... Dong... in out in out in out in a slow motion together with the soundings of the bell.

One night, while they were in the midst of the slow Ding Dong-ing, a Fire-engine sped past with the siren shrieking loudly and in tremendous speed of DingDongDingDongDingDongDingDong..... and poor Charlie almost broke his back trying to catch up with the fast Ding Dong...


lim peh kong wan liao


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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

My Interesting Friend Ipromise....

lim peh ka li kong

Me got to know an interesting person by the nick of Ipromisethiswonthurt via YMB. He is a very interesting man, witty and his sense of humour really no horse run.

As a matter of fact, he was featured in some of my previous posts:

Click here, here and here if you are interested to read more about him.

Me received an email from him recently and he wrote this:

You are also one if you use straws.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Friday, August 17, 2007




(1) 白牛黑牛





(2) 蚂蚁与大象






(3) 蚂蚁与大象续集




(4) 袋鼠和青蛙






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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Management Lesson

lim peh ka li kong

Everyday me receive some emails from my many friends.

Most of the emails are funny stuff but once in a while something meaningful came along. I like the following one which I received not too long ago, share with you:



One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"

The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not? "

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass ."

Management Lesson : "Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."


lim peh kong wan liao


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Friday, August 10, 2007

Cartoons 4

lim peh ka li kong

Bungee Jump??? Think again!!!
lim peh kong wan liao


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Tuesday, August 07, 2007








“好了,现在到我告诉你们我所遇见过的事。” 男乙说道。。。

x x x x x












































x x x x x






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Friday, August 03, 2007

Just Some Laughs

lim peh ka li kong

I am sure someday we may also go through that phase so enjoy now and have some laughs.


Hard of Hearing
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,"Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


Body Ache and Loss of Motor skills
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really !? Like a newborn baby !?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants".


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly".

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said,"What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?


Husband & Wife being forgetful
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"


"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down ?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake !"

Then he toddles to the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"


Heart Problem
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical check-up. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"


lim peh kong wan liao

* Not the creation of Old Beng, just an email me received *


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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Last Day Of Work

lim peh ka li kong

Kena this type of workers, the Management sure @#$%&@.

The worker disclosing the Safe's combination numbers.

Poor drivers kena such incident

Sven Dorfman must be the one who fired this chap

Power sia

Had encountered similar situation too (same kind of attitude from ex-worker) but heng ah, everything was resolved liao.

lim peh kong wan liao


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