lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Ha Jokes Again

lim peh ka li kong

Share some cheeky Q & A to brighten your Monday blues:

Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss them.

Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Lastly, Lau Hero was talking to a pretty woman in a pub last night:

Lau Hero: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one arsehole in there."

lim peh kong wan liao
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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Young Beng & Ah Huay

lim peh ka li kong

Many many years ago, when Old Beng was a young Beng, me also had 2 dogs and at that time, my part-toh was Ah Huay.

Ah Huay was taking a walk with lim peh who had adopted two dogs from the SPCA.

Ah Huay asked what their names were.

lim peh told her that one was called Lolek (Singlish for Rolex) and one was named Tai Mek (Singlish for Timex).

Ah Huay said, "Alamak, why you siao siao name dog like dat one! Where got dog with such name one?"

I think ah, Ah Huay really boh tak chek, so lim peh was more than happy to teach her a thing or two.

"Helloooooo......" answered lim peh. "They're watch dogs la!!"

Lim peh smart hor?!

lim peh kong wan liao
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Friday, September 18, 2009








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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Drinker The Smoker & The Gay

lim peh ka li kong

Bored with life? Hectic with work? Problems with boss? Neh mind, come come let lim peh tell you a joke:


Our 3 friends Sibeh Sian is a drinker; Lau Hero is a smoker and No Eyes is a gay;

One day, all three of them were in a doctor's office.

The doctor told each of them that, if they indulged in their bad habit one more time, they would die.

All 3 of them left the Doctor and walked quietly side by side.

Outside they passed a bar.

Sibeh Sian said, "I don't care if I die, I need a drink and I need it right now!"

Sibeh Sian went into the bar, took a drink and, sure enough, he dropped dead.

Meanwhile, Lau Hero the smoker and No Eyes the gay guy were walking along.

Then hor, Lau Hero saw a lit cigarette on the sidewalk.

No Eyes looked over and said, "If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead."


* A big thank you to Sibeh Sian,Lau Hero and No Eyes for dropping by *

lim peh kong wan liao
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Monday, September 14, 2009

Phobia 2

lim peh ka li kong

Last year, me and my cha-bo-lang went to catch the Thai movie Phobia (4 short stories) and lim peh quite like the show. See my post then.

This year, Phobia 2 will be air-ed in Singapore soon.

Instead of 4 stories, this time round, there are 5 stories instead. Click here for a sneak preview.



A collection of five horror stories, from the studio that made SHUTTER, DORM, BODY #19, ALONE, COMING SOON, 4BIA. By Thailand’s most talented horror film directors- Banjong Pisanthanakun (Shutter, Alone, 4BIA – In the Middle), Paween Purijitpanya (Body, 4BIA- Tit for Tat), Songyos Sugmakanan (Dorm, Hormones), Parkpoom Wongpoom (Shutter, Alone, 4BIA – Last Fright), and a new director Visute Poolvoralaks the man behind the success of Shutter, Alone, 4BIA, and Coming Soon.

Novice - Fourteen year-old Pey committed a crime, so his mom decides to hide him in a Buddhist monastery to escape punishment. However, something deep down inside is bothering him. Will Pey's Karma catch up with him?

Backpackers - Upon graduation, a young Japanese couple decides to hitchhike around Thailand. They manage to get a ride on a truck, but suspect something strange in the truck's trailer. What exactly is in the back of the truck?

In the End – Four boys are filming an upcoming horror movie. As they are shooting their last scene, one of the actresses dies mysteriously. To finish the film, they have to have her complete her scene, DEAD or NOT.

Salvage – A car dealer makes her living by refurbishing used cars, sometimes with horrific pasts. One night after closing, she discovers her son is missing. Could these cars have memories of their tragic histories?

Ward – A young man is in hospital for a motorcycle accident. He is moved into a room with an old man on life support. When strange things start happening in the middle of the night, he starts to wonder. Is he really alone?


Don't know my cha-bo-lang will want to watch Phobia 2 or not but I will definitely love to watch it.

lim peh kong wan liao
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Thursday, September 10, 2009






1) 浪花 – 沟女其间一定要带她到海边散步,星空下、海浪声、海风轻轻扑面、牵着手赤着脚享受着浪花;

2) 浪费 - 男人出手一定不能手软,要舍得花钱,最好是能花钱花得很浪费;

3) 浪漫 - 每时每刻、无时无刻都要制造浪漫气氛;

4) 浪子 - 必需有浪子一般的性格、飘浮不定、无可捉摸、处处无家处处是家;

5) 浪叫 - ???? 我当时就是因这浪叫而喷出嘴中的茶(虽然导演最终说必须学狼一样的叫,但那效果已达)。

你 catch no ball? Too bad.

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Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Papa's Advice

lim peh ka li kong

My 小马哥, at his age of falling in love and facing uncertainty in a relationship, was feeling extremely down when his gf migrated to Australia.

He felt so down and kept saying, "How am I supposed to live without her? Pa, how can I live?"

Looking at his miserable face, I was thinking what's the best way to make him understand that life is not just about bf/gf love.

"I really can't live without her, Pa." 小马哥 said sadly.



After 1 week of his continuous sighing of "can't live without her", one evening lim peh finally could not take it anymore and had a man-to-man talk with him.

"Come, let's talk." Papa said.

"Pa, what's there to talk? I can't follow her and I surely can't live without her..." 小马哥 said.

"I only want to say 2 points to you. One, you have survived living for the past week and most importantly, Two, how did you live all your years before you met her? You mean you did not live before meeting her?"

With that, I left my 小马哥 pondering.

Looking at him in deep thoughts, I know he will be fine...

lim peh kong wan liao
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Friday, September 04, 2009

Interesting Picture Captured (4) - 666 Carplate Number

lim peh ka li kong

A car may be a luxury to one person but may just be for transportation purposes from 1 point to another for another person.

Our cars are strictly to transport us and with the sure lose depreciation of the values of the cars, we are very much happy with what we own. (read small cars).

Some car owners are very particular with the car plate numbers and are willing to bid for the auspicious numbers for their car at a high price.

Numbers like 8, 88, 888, 168, 188 etc are not cheap to bid.

Owners bid for such auspicious numbers for their cars are understandable but lim peh saw twice, not once, cars with the following number plate:

I wonder who will want to bid for such numbers unless of course you got the numbers while registering for you new car, then bo bian la.

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