lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Friday, March 31, 2006

A Short Break

lim peh ka li kong

Looking back, me realised that (by calculation) I have been writing 1 post in my blog every other day.

Come to think of it, averagely 1 in every 2 days. Wow, how did me do it?

Everytime before writing anything, my brain will go blank but when me start to type, words will form automatically. (Of course, there is always a topic in my mind prior to putting it down in black and white).

Hmmm, what have I achieved in creating my blog?

1) A collection of my old Chinese articles which were published in some weekly magazines long time ago;

2) To record certain happenings during the voyage of my life.

3) To entertain, mostly myself, by writing some "Old Beng's tales".

4) To link some interesting articles from other bloggers.

5) To render my emotion towards my cha-bo-lang. (Think sometime it is easier to bring the message across via blogging than face to face conversation).

6) Get to know many bloggers via the blog's world. (Some bloggers are already my friends whereby we have met but many more are still faceless cyber friends).

Me will be having a short break from blogging and will come back again probably in mid April. Half a month of "No blogging world", think me will be able to refrain form blogging for 2 weeks since me have been blogging so frequently for the past 6 months? Let's see.

Till me write again, do take care.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

阿肥狗 - Lucky

lim peh ka li kong

My cha-bo-lang is a dog lover but ever since our last 2 dogs passed away, we have decided not to keep any more dogs. Reasons being my cha-bo-lang loves dogs so much until she cannot take it when they are gone.

As we usually frequent temples during 初一、十五(First and Fifteenth of lunar calendar), we happened, in fact it is SHE, happened to find a BIG, FAT dog at one of the temples which we go often.

That Big, Fat dog has a name which fits a dog well - Lucky (whatelse?)

Lucky has a pair of beautiful brown eyes and whenever she looks at us, my cha-bo-lang's heart will melt.

Despite Lucky's big size, she is hyper friendly and easily mixes and plays with anyone who cares to go up to her and touch her.

She is famous for catching rats at the temple, yes RATS and apparantly she has very good results (according to the people at the temple).

One of her favourate trick is when you stand in front of her and say," Lucky, hand", she will raise and offer her right paw to you and also her left paw respectively.

Normally when me and my cha-bo-lang go to look for her, she is usually sleeping at a cool corner but upon hearing my cha-bo-lang calling her name, she will wake up and rush towards her.

Although she is closer to my cha-bo-lang, she does come to me as me always sayang her head affectionately though at times me quite scared of her saliva.

My cha-bo-lang is so fond of this Lucky that she usually tells me, "Oei, 阿肥 (calling me), I am going to see my dog, you coming along?"

It's good that my cha-bo-lang is happy with seeing Lucky as and when she is free and the temple is only a 5-min drive from our house.

lim peh kong wan liao

Important Note: Although the license collar tag isn't around her neck when me took the photo using my handphone, Lucky is a licensed dog whereby the owner paid the license fees every year without fail. It was only taken down when the owner bathed her earlier.

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Friday, March 24, 2006

A - Z

lim peh ka li kong

Lately me very the busy until no time to post, just told my cha-bo-lang yesterday that me might just stop my blog at the 100th marks.

Then today, while busy-ing halfway, something strike my mind and this is the outcome of it:-

A - Z of Old Beng.

A : Angry
To get angry is to punish myself with someone's error so me usually don't get angry, me only will get even.

B : Blog
Lim peh ka li kong.

C : Cha-bo-lang
The most important person in the world to me.

D : Dinner
Dinner at home with cha-bo-lang almost everyday. 幸福哦.

E : Egg
Love to eat egg but always kena refrained by cha-bo-lang at only maximum 1 per day

F : Fluency
Very fluent in Hokkien dialects especially scolding words.

G : Girl Girl
Bio-ing girl girl is one hobby lim peh can never get enough especially in swimming pool and at the beach.

H : Homely couple
Me and my cha-bo-lang are a pair of hyper homely couple who loves to stay at home.

I : International
Middle finger is an International well understood gasture.

J : Jolie
Angelina Jolie - lim peh's dream girl.

Lim peh cannot tahan people too nosy, everything also want to KPO

L : Loh-so
Lim peh getting more and more loh-so lately, think me is really getting old liao.

M : Money
Don't know why leh, money always not enough.

N : Nag
Cha-bo-lang's favourite past time hobby on Old Beng. :p

O : Oh-My-God
A phrase always used by Old Beng me whenever me see/hear/know something unusual.

P : Phui
Ah Phui - a name cha-bo-lang calls me. (For non-Hokkien friend, Phui = Fat)

Q : Queer
Me no queer, me very the straight one thus cannot stand the movie "Brokeback Mountain"

R : Roar
Cha-bo-lang's weapon.

S : Supper
Something which is a history term, have not had supper for a long long time.

T : Table-tennis
A game me enjoy playing but hardly have the time now. (Was a school player).

U : Uncle
Uncle = Old Beng. :(

V : Virgin
Am still a virgin...... today only, he he he.

W : Wife
Thank you for being so understanding and be with me through thick and thin.

X : X'mas
My favourite festival especially enjoying the season's lovely atmosphere with loved one.

Y : Yo-yo
Me played yo-yo extremely well when me was a boy but then again, who cares?

Z : Zzzzzz
Always try to sleep by 11 pm but hardly succeeded in doing so, must try to sleep early.

Now I know my A-B-C, next time won't you sing with me...

lim peh kong wan liao

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Saturday, March 18, 2006








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Friday, March 17, 2006


lim peh ka li kong

Looking back from my creation of my blog "lim peh ka li kong" since 26 September 2005 which is 6 months from now, me had written 99 postings (including this one).

Still remembered my friend, Ipromise ever mentioned that he can get a publisher to publish all my "Old Beng's Tale" when me reach my 300th postings.

Now with the stepping into the 100th postings, Ipromise has been so afraid of his promise that he has gone into hiding and "siam" all the way to China, just to avoid lim peh.

Ha ha just joking la, please come back to Singapore, me promise me will not force you to fulfill your offer cos me is happy and contented in just writting in my blog. Don't scared, come back.

If one actually got a lot of time to spend and nothing better to do, one can go and count all my postings, you will realise that there are actually 106 postings till now instead of 99 as me mentioned.

In fact, there are 7 postings which were not written by lim peh, thus me cannot take the credits and these are the following 7 postings:-


2)Lau Hero's 1st Chinese Blog.

3) A Touching Story - by Dewi.

4)Women's 32 Secrets - by Ji Ji.

5)No Eye See See's View On Me.

6)Count Down At Orchard Road - by No Eye See See.

7)A Poem From A Friend - by Ling.

x x x x x

My next posting will be my 100th thus I will be doing a special one tomorrow but sorry to those who don't understand Chinese cos it is a posting which I am writting in relation to "Birth of the God Of Mercy - 南無观世音菩萨".

x x x x x

There is always something tuanting my mind whenever I look at the counter of my blog.

The numbers of comments left in my blog compared to the number of visitors are far beyond proportion. Apparantly, there are many invisible and silence readers out there reading my blog but never leave a comment or 2 for me.

It's alright actually, just to say a big thank you to all who take the effort and time to come into my blog, with or without leaving any comment for me.

Thank you for your frequent clicking into my blog and reading all my nonsense about Old Beng's tales, old Chinese ghost stories and some affairs of my life.

Me still believe in the following when writting my postings:-

The best jokes are true and the best truths are joke.

Hope I am able to continue to write more craps, not just for the sake of entertaining you, but more likely to entertain myself :)

lim peh kong wan liao

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006
















总之一句话,男女有别,是男是女早已注定,如想来个二合一,HELP YOURSELF,千万咪搞我,小生怕怕。


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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Adults' Craps Said To Poor Children

lim peh ka li kong

Me remembered very well that when me was just a little, sweet, innocent, ignorant, happy, small boy, me always heard my father, my mother, my uncles, my aunties, my elder brother, my teachers (to sum up : the adults) say things me didn't agree at all.

Now that me already an old uncle, me realised that me sometimes also talk the same way those adults used to talk, wa-lao eh, must change.

Me usually tell the younger generation (those still schooling) that it is very much better to be a student than to work. Guess what answer you will get if you were to tell any student?

"Working better la, no need to pay school fees and can earn money some more; no need to study for tests and exams; Can keep any hair-style I like;"

Yeah me also said those same lines then but now that we are working adults, what do you think? Me wish that me can turn back the clock and be a student again.

Adults say, "You don't talk so much, just do what I say, don't do what I do."
This is definitely a wrong way of treating your children. Though they may still be young but think they deserve at least a rational explanation before forcing anything down their throats.

"I eat salt more than you eat rice." Yeah right, how come you still so healthy without the slightest symptom of illness? Eat so much salt? Gila?

"I am your father/mother and BECAUSE I say so!"
Oh please, this is the worst shit. You don't pull rank just because you are the poor chap's parent. I always believe in reasoning even if the person I am talking to is a minor unless of course he/she is below 5 years old and the understanding of certain issues is far beyond his/her capability.

"Don't ever let me hear you swearing again."
How can the young chap say decent words when you as a parent use the F word in every sentence you talk?

"Why you so stupid? See our neighbour so-and-so did so much better than you in the tests and exams!"
Parents and teachers, don't ever say such things to the young hearts. Not everybody is good in his study so you cannot compare and condemn the poor kid. You sure a U-grad earns a better living and makes more money than one who is not a U-grad? Ha! think again.

"I don't know why I give birth to you?"
Come on, admit it, you gave birth to him because of the mere pleasure you wanted to enjoy then so don't blame.

"If you don't behave yourself, the Police will come and catch you."
Policemen always kena framed as bad guys to scare the poor kids, ha ha. Some other people who kena framed are the "Garang-gunu man" and the "A-Pu-Na-Na" (No offence please).

"When I was your age, I never gave my parent any problem."
Ha ha, lying with the eyes open big big, ya ya, I believe all parents then were very good children.

lim peh kong wan liao


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Monday, March 13, 2006


lim peh ka li kong

Me was driving home from work one evening when me heard some interesting issues over the radio.

In U.S.A. some 40 over years ago, a pair of twin-brothers upon birth, each was given away to 2 different families.

None of the families upon their adoption knew anything about the baby was in fact 1 of the 2 twins and some interesting facts were noted when the twins met again.

I did not manage to hear the full story cos by the time I switched on the radio, the DJ was already talking about their reunion after 40 over years of separation.

Both the twins were named James by their adopted parents and both were good in the same subject while schooling (Think it was Mathematics and Arts).

Both married his wife at the same age and both their wives are called Linda. Both the twin brothers have 2 sons each.

Both the twin bothers divorced his wife in the same year and both later re-married to another lady with the same name as Betty.

Strange right?!?!?!

I can understand why their lives are so alike but I cannot understand the coincidents of the names of themselves and their 2 wives, just the thought of it send a funny, uneasy coldness down my spine.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Friday, March 10, 2006

狮城怪谈 (七)





长发女人头 高级住宅外飘游

正所谓: 人不犯鬼、鬼不犯人。当真是如此吗?

x x x x x
























x x x x x



x x x x x
























x x x x x






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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Q & A

lim peh ka li kong

Different people will respond differently to a question. Below are some questions that were been answered by different people (some answers are real and some are not so real and some are just "make believe".)

I believe through the answers, one is able tell who the people are even though I named them as A, B, C and D.

No prize for guessing correctly hor.

lim peh kong wan liao

What have you got to say to the young generation regarding taking video/photo shots via their mobile phone?
: Lim peh ka li kong, don't ever do such stupid thing la.
B: Silly girls for agreeing to it. They should not even agree to having sex in the first place when they are still underage.
C: Aiyo, the new generation punks all anyhow think, anyhow do one, where got logic thinking? You do it, you answer for it la, don't blame and don't complain.
D: I am not against it but must be extra careful in keeping your handphone.

What do you think of our current Government?
: ......... (No comment)
B: Not answering cos I am not interested to know anything.
C: Must help the poor and give them more money to spend la cos nothing is more important than money.
D: No eye see them la.

What is your favourite book?
: Books with many many pictures one, lately got a little bit 老花.
B: My tar-por-lang's bank's account books.
C: Don't like to read book la, watch tv and play golf more.
D: No choice now, only got time to read school textbooks.

What is most important to you?
A: My family.
B: My family.
C: Money la, what else?
D: My life.

What is your favourite food?
A: My cha-bo-lang's cooking, yummy.
B: Chocolate.
C: Cigarette. Huh? What cigarette is not food? To me it is more important than food ok!
D: Mum's cooking.

What is your most commonly said phrase?
: Lim peh ka li kong
B: Old man ..... (depending on what I need him to do)
C: Si mi pun kay, tiong yew ai wu lui.
D: "$%?>&* (Sorry, vulgarity not allowed)

Who is your favourite star in Singapore? Why?
: Fiona Xie cos she looks like my cha-bo-lang.
B: Cannot think of anyone cos seldom watch local show.
C: Fiona Xie cos I like her petite size but with gooooood vital stats. (Drooling until the floor also flood)
D: Not even one can make it, really no fxxking eyes see la.

Who is your favourite star outside Singapore? Why?
: Angelina Jolie cos her lips very the sexy. (Whispering softly: her figure very good also)
B: ...... (No answer given cos B was staring at A with eyes open big big, dare not interupt her).
C: Also Angelina Jolie cos her figure no horse run (Drool even more)
D: Lee Hom cos his music's cool.

What is your darkest secret?
: Lim peh buay sai ka li kong, cannot tell you la.
B: Don't be so kay-poh over others' secret, ok?
C: Hmmmm.... free than tell you.
D: What kind of KNN question is this? Secret how to share with you?

What is the one thing you always do everyday without fail?
: Give my cha-bo-lang a kiss before going to work.
B: Nag at my tar-por-lang.
C: Dig gold.
D: 200 push-ups.

What is one blog which you will visit everyday?
: Lim peh ka li kong, WAHAHAHAHA...
B: Lim peh ka li kong (must track closely in order to know what he has been doing behind my back)
C: I don't read blog everyday la.
D: Lately too busy with school work, no time to read blog everyday.

What will you ask for if you were granted a wish?
: Ask for 3 more wishes.
B: World peace.
C: Unlimited cash.
D: More time with parents.

What is your happiest time of your life?
: Honeymooning with cha-bo-lang.
B: Honeymooning with tar-por-lang.
C: Still waiting.
D: Childhood time.

What is the motto of your life?
: Try to be happy, want to be happy and must be happy.
B: Live happily, eat healthily.
C: Work hard, play hard and hope to strike toto.
D: Live my life to the fullest and live everyday as if it is my last day.

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006



老年人都喜好 “想当年”,时不时便会怀旧一番。









2006 后记:





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