lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Old Beng In Trouble

lim peh ka li kong

Last night, me had a long and terok and bad night trying to reason out with my cha-bo-lang due to some misunderstanding issues.

At one time during our argument, my cha-bo-lang was down on her knees talking to me. (No la, I did not bull-shit you all la, she really kneeled down and talked to me). Dont be impatient la, read on my friends read on.

Last night when I got home, the whole atmosphere was very quiet and in total calmness, no children talking, no TV on-ing, no daughters or sons waiting to greet me at the door, the whole atmosphere was so quiet like nobody at home and it was only 9.30 pm. Die la, just like the bad storm coming prelude, total calmness and quietness.

My cha-bo-lang was sitting on the sofa waiting for me and all my 12 children were standing behind her looking at me as if I was really already a dead meat, if not dead yet also on the chopping board, any moment liao.

"Lau po da ren, I...I...I...", dont know why when I looked at my cha-bo-lang´s stern face, I cannot control my speech.

"I.. I what?" my cha-bo-lang looked at me calmly but I know deep inside she was very very very angry.

"I...I...I..." die leh, why I cannot talk properly? then a funny sound was heard "kek..kek...kek..." Wa-piang! my upper row and lower row of teeth were knocking uncontrollably.
( no frighten hor, just that our air-con was on for full blast)

"So, you always bluffed me say go lim chew with kaki but in actual fact, you went to look for mei mei, HUH?"

"No la, I where got? You know me one, NATO type, give me tiger heart and gut also dare not la." Then one of my daughter said, "Mummy, daddy not like that....." But before my little daughter could say anything further, my cha-bo-lang turned towards all 12 children and told them to go to bed immediately. Within seconds, the whole hall was left with only me and my cha-bo-lang.

"I...I..." just as I was about to explain myself, I let out a long loud fart "PHUUUUUTTTT!!!!!" Oh no, everytime I got excited or scared, I will inevitably fart.

"After you did your wronging, you still dare to fart so loudly?" She stood up and was going to twist my poor ear again.

Ai-yo, natural farting how can control one but how to reason with her especially at that moment when she was so angry?

"Huh, you noti now ah? Go find mei mei? Somemore bluf me only go drinking? and now still dare to fart so loudly and create air pollution and noise pollution huh? I know, you purposely showed me that you are not happy with me so answered by giving me your fart, is it? Lau beng, tonight you dont clarify your wronging done, I am gonna skin you alive."

Wah! Never had I seen my cha-bo-lang so angry so violent one. Good men dont fight with ladies so I quickly ran up to our bedroom to avoid a fight with her but my cha-bo-lang never gave up easily one and she followed me closely and pulled my ear on the way up the stairs.

I quickly speed up and ran into our bedroom and went hiding in my save bomb shelter and that was when my cha-bo-lang kneeled down and talked to me. "Lau beng, you come out from under the bed NOW!!!"

No way man, I am not gonna come out and then let her twist my poor ears again. Ai-yo, what have I done to deserve this? Hiding under our bed?

After about 1 hour, my cha-bo-lang finally stopped her scolding (think she felt tired and thirsty) and I had to use the toilet so bo-pian got to come out from under the bed.

Finally, after explaining and negotiating and with some conditions treaty agreed between us, the issue was finally resolved.

My cha-bo-lang had finally forgiven me and believed that I am still a good husband but now every month my pocket money is lessen by 20% and my cha-bo-lang had a new necklace and a promised trip every year plus I am not allowed to go drinking at night again (not for the next 3 months - heng ah, not permanent one)

lim peh kong wan liao

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Old Beng at Shop & Save

lim peh ka li kong

Last weekend me and my cha-bo-lang went to "Shop and Save" to do our weekly grocery shopping. Wa-piang, when we reached there we saw "people mountain people sea", like buy things no need money one.

Every corner we turned, sure saw many China Nationalities talking loudly in their China accent Chinese. I am not against China people but I sure do not like to see the Chinese women roaming around in their pyjamas. If wear lingerie ok lah, but no leh, all I saw were the old-fashioned type - some even bright red in colour. Luckily dont have any Chinese character printed on their pyjamas, if not really looked like the corpse baju.

I saw two Chinese women, while choosing chai sim at the Vegetable corner, peeling the leaves from another chai sim and stuffed the leaves into another bag containing chai sim. I was really puzzled by their action until my cha-bo-lang told me that the price charged for the chai sim by packet and not by weight or size. I could only shake my head because I think Chinese women maybe earned only a little money so trying ways and means to save more money. Then, I saw one of the women took out her handphone, wah, the latest Nokia model leh. Just like my friend, Ah Huat, earns less than 900 dollars a month yet bought a very expensive handphone with many functions which after 6 months of purchased never even see him use the functions before. Why waste money on handphone with functions you don't even know how to use or maybe he also not aware of the functions available?

As we were taking the chocolate from the shelves, I realised a packet of "Time out" chocolate bars was open and there were only 3 pieces left in the packet. OMG, some people must have open the packet and took the chocolate from inside and eat. Same thing went to the packet drinks because we saw a "6-pack" of Soya bean drinks had only 4 packets left intact and 2 half empty packets were left unfinished lying helplessly on the shelf.

Are these the work of the our fine Singaporeans? How can people be doing such things or is it the chocolates and drinks were eaten and drunk by cockroaches and rats?

The fruits section is usually the place we spent most time there because Old Beng and family love to eat a lot of fruits which is very good to our health. That day, Old Beng and my cha-bo-lang laughed until our tears rolled down our cheeks when we saw some wise guy placed 2 rambutans and a banana at the display shelf. The way the fruits were displayed resembled certain body parts of a man, I think must be the work of some mischievous teenager. Ai-yo I tell you all ah, luckily that day none of our children was with us, if not sure malu one.

When we were making our payment at the cashier counter, I realised one old man kept looking at our direction when my cha-bo-lang cleared the full-load of groceries out of the trolley cart. My wife had to bend forward to take the groceries out from the trolley cart. Hello Ah Pek, dont see see until like that can, I know my cha-bo-lang wore a low collar T-shirt but you don't have to see until saliva also start to drool leh. I told my cha-bo-lang let me cleared the stuff instead for I so afraid later the Chi-Ko-Ah-Pek's heart cannot take it heart attack how?

The Chi-Ko-Ah-Pek kept staring at my cha-bo-lang until I also cannot tahan anymore had to roll up my sleeves to expose my tiger and eagle to frighten the poor Ah Pek away.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Old Beng And Neighbours

lim peh ka li kong

Everyday when I go home after work ah, sure walk pass my neighbours' houses with interesting different views and encounters. Today I will like to share some experiences with you.

My neighbour, the Tan family, likes to show their under-garments along the corridor to dry. Sometimes really not so good view with the underwear and panties showing to the whole world like flags flapping against the wind. Some more, 1 of the female undies I saw was very big in size, wa-piang, need at least 2-3 of my cha-bo-lang size to fill the size. (No offend to the bigger size people hor, just stating a fact). I think Mrs Tan only does her laundry once a week, so when she put her under-garments (underwear, panties, bras etc etc) out to dry, it is really a spectacular sight. When I walk pass the corridor during weekend, always very careful one, si-ka-lee accidentally kena my head then no need to buy 4D already.

Another family beside us is the Lim family - we called them the "ko-seng" family. From morning to afternoon till night falls, sure got someone singing karaoke from the members of the Lim family. As Mr Lim is a retiree, his only enjoyment is to sing Hokkien songs at home in the morning 7 days a week without fail. Then afternoon will be Mrs Lim's turn with the Cantonese karaoke. The night session change to their 2 young daughters and start the singing after their dinner, I think their songs are better because they sing newer songs than their parents. (The only time they skip their night session was when TV showed the Superstar programme.) The Lim family members are people with time but no talent and people with talent usually got no time. It is his own freedom to like to sing but everyday, 7 days a week morning, afternoon and night and they turn on their volume darn loud but what to do?

There is another Indian family (Mr and Mrs Nathan - not our president la, just same name) living few units away from me and the couples already in their sixties but have no children. They sort of dotted very much on my children and they always shower my children with lots of love, affection and candies too. Sometimes they even bring my children to McDonald and buy them Fries. I think my youngest son stays in the Nathan's house more than at home leh because he can eat lots of sweets there.

There is another Malay family (Mr Ali and family) living besides the Indian family and all of us call them the smiling family bcos they always smile everyday to everybody they meet - at the corridor, in the lift, in the market or in the playground. lim peh has never seen a family so friendly one.

I still remember got one time when Mrs Nathan fell down in her flat when Mr Nathan went back to India, all the families - Chinese or Malay or Bah-yee (yes, there is also a Bah-yee family) all went to help her and sent her to the hospital.

Whoever says Singaporeans all very racist one? Malays, Chinese, Indians or other races all are Singaporeans and in fact we all very close to one another and help on a look out when children are left alone at home. (I always enjoy the advantage when me and my cha-bo-lang go out alone bcos my 12 children sure very safe with the help of all my neighbours)

One thing I feel very shiok because whenever my children see Mr Singh walks pass us they always pinch me and ask me "Bah-yee si mi saik". I know this is a sick game and a very racist one but even Mr Singh himself usually answered my children his turban's colour loudly and we will all roar into histerical laughters.

These are my good neighbours that lim peh has for the past 10 years and yes we live in perfect harmony.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Old Beng Went To Foot Reflexology

lim peh ka li kong

My friend Ah Seng finally recovered from his injured leg and I happily returned him his Mar-say-lee taxi which I was helping him to drive during his absent. Tell you ah, darn terok man, driving taxi not easy, some customers really one-kind one but what to do? People always complained taxi driver very rude la, no manners la, anyhow drive la, but when taxi drivers kena rude customer, how? Where to complain? Not fair right? So please dont be too hash with taxi drivers, ok?

Anyway, since Ah Seng already recovered and can drive his taxi again, I got more time for my family again. (Actually I quite scared to drive at night especially this month). Ah Seng wanted to thank me for driving on his behalf and that afternoon he brought me to a place I never go before one. Before we went, he told me he want to kam-siah me for helping him and want to bring me to a place where we can improve our health. (actually no need la, we already friends for more that 30 years liao).

Was wondering where this Ah Seng bringing me, then we landed in a Traditional Foot Reflexology Centre. Wa-piang, me so big never try foot-reflex before leh (heard people say very painful one) but Ah Seng insisted we must go, so bo-pian try for the first time.

When I sat on the chair after I washed my 2 feet, I saw the reflexologist - his knuckles got many hard hard skin, I think constant friction caused the skin to become dead-meat already. I saw already also scared but in front of Ah Seng cannot lose face so just keep very quiet. The first stroke the reflexologist did on my left foot was not painful but very itchy. Then pain suddenly came, Wa-lau eh, I tell you ah, the pain is not like when my cha-bo-lang twist my ears kind, but straight and deep into you foot, and the pain somemore all the way from the foot to my heart, up my throat, then to my brain.

Before the first pain subsided, a 2nd more painful one followed. Wa-piang, I think I almost let out a scream but luckily I bite my tongue but my leg and body wriggled like a worm trying to escape from the pain and cold sweat starting to show on my forehead. Ah Seng noticed my body twitching and looked at me with a query look, I could not answer him cause I was biting my tongue but shake my head to indicate I cannot tahan the pain but I think he mistaken as no problem.

After a long torture of 40 minutes on both feet, the session was finally over and cold sweat had dripped down my back and dried also. Dont understand why people like to pay money to be tortured, Foot Reflexology may be good for health to others but to me, sorry hor, I rather continue with my work-out and jogging and weight lifting (carry my wife and children)

After the agony, we went to a nearby coffee shop to have lunch. Although it was lunch time, but funny leh, there were still many empty tables available. I went to buy Chicken Rice and Ah Seng went to sit first as I do not want him to walk too much since he just recovered only. When I went back to him with the food, I saw him arguing with 2 office ladies. (the 2 ladies quite chio somemore)

I heard Ah Seng asking the 2 cha-bo,"What you mean you already chorp the seat first? Nobody was here when I come ok?" "Uncle, you didn't see the 2 packet of tissue paper meh?" "Huh? chorp place using packet of tissue paper? like that also can? I thought this coffe shop very good, still provide tissue paper for customer somemore."

Because we men don't like to argue with women, we found another table to have our lunch instead. Chorp place with plastic bag I can understand, but with tissue paper?

lim peh kong wan liao

PS:The next day, I discovered both my feet also blue-black - courtesy from the Foot reflexologist

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Old Beng Went Swimmimg

lim peh ka li kong

One weekend me and my family went swimming. Me and my cha-bo-lang divided our children into 2 groups - the can swim one and the younger cannot swim one. My eldest 15 years old son, xiao-ma-ge (little horse man - same name as HK star Chow Yun Fatt) also helped to look after his 11 siblings.

When I changed into my swimming trunk and came out from the changing room (actually is the toilet), me saw many girl girl all splashing water in the pools. I tell you ah, my eyes open big big when I saw them and darn scared my nose bleed. Then out of nowhere I saw the back of a sexy lady wearing bikini not far away ahead so I quickly walked towards her to see her face pretty or not. (yeah we all men the same one la, after see backside must see frontside). Suddenly she turned around and wa-piang, she was my cha-bo-lang! I angrily asked her why she wore so little cloth one, very dangerous because later those old men see her figure already heart attack, how? Somemore when she bought the bikini ah, how come I didn´t know? My cha-bo-lang scolded me back that only me old beng came to swimming pool to see girl and not swim. I of course said no.

Then I just bo-pian went to the children swimming pool to look after my 6 younger children and my wife stayed with the older group. I actually not quite happy to be asked to go baby pool because all babies only, where got good scenery BUT I realised there were few young mummy guarding their babies there too.

WAHAHAHAHA very good chance for me to see see look look. I think nowadays many mummy also went for sliming courses because all the young mummy I saw had very good figures. But then hor, I got not much time looking at the young mummy because I had to look after my children good good.

While lim peh was playing water with my 2 twins, another father also brought his baby to the swimming pool. I think the father felt a little bit uneasy and ashamed because he saw my well-built and fit shape compared to his ballooned stomach.

My little darling Rabbit-girl suddenly turned her pretty face towards me and asked,"Daddy, that uncle stomach got baby is it?" Ai-yo, I tell you ah, children talked very straight forward one, and thus made 2 fathers also felt malu. I quickly apologised to the young father,"sorry ah, children don´t know things hor." The father face red red walked away.

To all uncles, please hor, train your body a little bit la, walking around with a ball in your stomach very nice meh? If you like your wife to have a good body so must you la.

After 1 hour, old beng started to feel tired already especially must run after the children, darn siong man. Wonder how my cha-bo-lang take care of 12 children at home ah? Meals alone already siong siong, somemore wash clothes, iron clothes, cleaning of house, taking care of children etc etc. Wa, must really appreciate the hard work my cha-bo-lang has been putting in for our family. By taking care of the children and I think that´s the reason as to how she can keep the body like fiona xie. So ladies, to want to have fiona´s figure, give birth to 12 children la, ha ha. (just kidding hor).

After our swimming, I learned the following facts:-

1. My cha-bo-lang after giving birth to 12 children still got very good figure.

2. My body still very fit with no balloon-shape stomach.

3. Only children talked very straight forward one, all adults should think twice before commenting. (YMB friends?)

4. My xiao-ma-ge already grown-up like his father, muscle big big and quite a few heads turned when he walked passed the young girls. ha ha like father like son.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Old Beng On The Road

lim peh ka li kong

Recently, Old Beng starts to drive a Mar-say-lee. No la, I did not strike toto or 4D but because my friend Ah Seng got leg injury and cannot drive so I help him to drive his taxi only. One night, I happened to drive a young man, the long-sleeve wear tie executive type. He boarded my Mar-say-lee at Clementi and wanted to goTampines so I asked him,"Mister, which route you want me to go? By AYE or PIE ah?" Must asked properly before I drive if not later he said I purposely drive 1 big round to con his money.

The young executive man replied,"Tampines."

Old Beng a bit puzzled so asked one more time,"Which route you want to go, AYE or PIE?"


"I know you want to go Tampines but which way? AYE or PIE?" me asked louder a bit, maybe he didnt hear me well.

"Tampines la"

"Mister, which part of my sentence you don't understand? Go by which route la?"

" chin chye la, you the driver not me."

So Old Beng go by the following routes and made a little bit more fares.

Clementi > Commomwealth > Alexandra > Havelock > Outram > North Bridge Road > Bugis > Kallang > Geylang > Chai Chee > Bedok > Bedok Reserviour > Tampines avoiding both AYE and PIE.

Actually he quite lucky already because I didn't follow the MRT routes.

Then another incident, 4 young punks, with their hair coloured like peacock and wear sun glasses even at night, boarded my taxi at Yishun and wanted to go Kim Seng Road, Zouk Disco. Wa-piang, those 4 young punks made so much noise during the journey and talking nonsense with vulgar words (their valgurs vocab very chim, many I never hear before) all the way until I cannot tahan turn on my radio louder to cover their noise. (lim peh got 12 children also never so noisy before). The young punk sitting in front somemore dare to tell me to shut off the radio because it was affecting their conversation. Old Beng just stared at him and rolled up my sleeves and told him that I would lower the radio volume if they keep quiet also. I think they all very understanding young men so they all kept very quiet after that. When we reached Zouk, they quickly got off the taxi without wanting the change from me.

Got one time, Old Beng picked up a young lady and her old mother who was wheelchair bound from the hospital. When they reached their flat at Ghim Moh Road, Old Beng stopped the taxi at the roadside and helped the old lady off the taxi. I tell you ah, some driver really one kind, think only he got car ah, wait a little while will die is it? Because my taxi was blocking the way, the Lexus behind cannot overtake me thus the driver started to horn at me. Such irritating creep. Somemore he got the cheek to wind down his window and sticked his big fat ugly head out and said," Oei, faster can or not? Your grandfather road ah?"

I tell you ho, lim peh almost wanted to pull that irritating idiotic pig-lookalike out from his car and show him lim peh's kung-fu koon tou but I remembered my cha-bo-lang always tells me cannot fight. (Me no.1 listen to wife, so he very lucky).

I only told him, "you can wait you wait, you cannot wait dont wait lor."

What's wrong with Singaporeans' drivers nowadays ah?

lim peh kong wan liao

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Old Beng And Dogs

lim peh ka li kong

When Old Beng was still a young Beng many many years ago, me fell in love with a lady, who is by his standard, a very "chio-bu" (a 10 upon 10 pretty and sexy and good figure and perfect girl).

Before young Beng tried to tackle her, he was quite scared of dogs bcos he was chased and bitten by dogs when he was a little boy going around catching spiders to fight with others' spiders. (Have you played fighting spiders before? those who had will understand the joy and pride when your spider is the fighting king of the kampong) Wonder where I can bring my boys to catch spiders now?

Then ah, that chio-bu young beng was tackling had a big brown dog. It was during that time when young beng tried to tackle the girl thus was trained to understand dogs better and not afraid of them anymore.

After years of courtship, young beng married the chio-bu and then young beng becomes Old Beng and the chio-bu becomes the mother of 12.

Old Beng and family had 2 dogs - Ah Pwee and Ah San (1 fat dog and 1 skinny dog)

Those 2 dogs were well-loved by all our family members from the day they came to our house. They may not fetch newspaper for us and eat like gluttons but they were truely the apples to all of our eyes. The 2 dogs' enjoyed rather good life in our family due to 1 reason only, the queen of the family loved them VERY VERY VERY VERY (must repeat "VERY" 4 times to stress on the importance of the dogs.) MUCH.

Then after 13 long years with us, Ah Pwee and Ah San fell sick due to old age. During Ah Pwee's last days, she was very sick and had to be sent to the veterinary for medical treatment.

I tell you ah, dogs are treated like human beings at the vet. They got medication and even put on drips. They even got blood transfusion given to our Ah Pwee bcos she was losing blood.

Wa-piang, so high tech one. I never thought that dogs can also be given blood transfusion.

Anyway, after weeks of treatment, Ah Pwee finally died due to her old age. My cha-bo-lang and my children all cried over the lost of Ah Pwee.

Then I went to the reception to settle the bill. When I saw the bill, I cried.

Wa-piang, the bill is darn high man. My cha-bo-lang later saw me eyes red red thought that I also feel sad for Ah Pwee which of course I did not explain the additional reason behind my sorrow.

Ah San too left us 6 months after Ah Pwee was gone. The agony of losing 2 dogs in such a short period of time was too great for my wife and she was very sad for a long time. Even until today, she will cry whenever she sees the photos of Ah Pwee and Ah San.

I have to tell her that we should not be keeping any dogs as pets in future cos she cannot bear to lose them.

I once told her to keep cockroaches, ants or houseflies instead of dogs bcos if cockroaches, ants or houseflies die, she won't feel so heartpain. The result to my suggestion was that I have to wear sunglass for a week to cover my panda look.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Old Beng Went To Wedding Dinner

lim peh ka li kong

That day, me and my cha-bo-lang went to attend our cousin's wedding dinner in a posh restaurant in Orchard Road. My wife wore the new dress she bought from Yaohan (Oops! Plaza Singapura, old habits die hard, I can remember Yaohan only bcos there was where my love story begins with my wife. Got time must share my romances with you all). Actually I dont quite like her new dress - in front too low (giving half-ball). I mean I like other girls to wear but not my wife la. (Yeah yeah, stupid male's thinking. but then hor, all husband same kind)

We arrived the restaurant at 7.50 pm bcos Old Beng doesn't like to be late and the invitation card said the dinner will start at 8 pm sharp. Although my wife took some time to put on colour-paintings on her face, she knew I never like late people so she planned her time very well one whenever she goes out with me. Wa-piang, my cha-bo-lang put colour-paintings on her face, look more like fiona xie leh, attracting many many men turned their heads to see her. I think her figure also attracted all the eyes. (But I dare not tell her she lately like put on a little bit weight liao).

When we gave our ang-pao to our uncle (cousin's father) at the door of the restaurant, old beng saw that there were only few people inside sitting only. Dont know why but I think, our uncle smiled from ear-to-ear when he saw only me and my wife came. (I guessed he very happy we did not bring any of our children along).

We waited and waited and finally most people came only after 8.30 pm and the dinner only started at 9.03 pm. lim peh knew the time so well because I was very hungry. Dont understand why these people always come late one ah? Hello, can all people please come early for wedding dinner can or not? Come late, eat late, go home late, then stomach so full how to sleep? So sleep late, next day wake up also late, go to work lagi late. very bad for uncle like me who dont like to be late.

Being a chilli-king, I of course asked for more chilli from the waitress.

"Excuse me, can you give me more chilli please?" Old beng asked 1 young girl waitress walking pass our table. She stared at me with eyes open big big and walked away. 3 minutes later, I saw that same waitress again and I asked her again, "Excuse me miss, can you give me more chilli please?" Then came her stunting reply. "I not waitress hor, why you so stupid cannot see that I am such a beautiful, intelligent, sociable, young lady, how can I work as waitress. Go get your chilli yourself."

OMG, did I meet a high class girl at the wedding dinner and mistaken her as a waitress? While I was totally stunt by her reply, I realised my wife looking at me, in fact "staring" was a better word. You know, the eyes like got daggers like that, anytime can fly out and stab you to death. Wa-piang, I only asked for chilli mah, how I know like that? (But to be honest, that girl really quite swee.) After that I sat properly like a statue dare not look around anymore, if not later tonight kena sleep with one of my children in another room.

Then the xin-lang and xin-niang plus family members went around taking photographs with each and every table. Funny ah, I remembered taking quite a lot of this type of photo before but never received any leh?

After a long night, the dinner finally over and me and my cha-bo-lang went home together with stomach very full. That night nothing happened, heng ah so lucky.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Old Beng Met The Kindergarten Teacher

lim peh ka li kong

My little darling daughter, xiao bai tu (little white rabbit) who is in K2 now and me love her very much bcos she likes to sit at the door to wait for her papa to come home from work everyday and gives me a BIG hug and a long kisssss on my cheek which brightens my day no matter what kind of craps I get from my boss during the day. That night during dinner, my little darling xiao bai tu showed me a note from her teacher who asked me to go and see her in the kindergarten to discuss issue of my daughter.

So the next day, me went to see the teacher in the kindergarten. I saw 2 female teachers there, one normal looking (actually a bit look like Irene Ang - the slim down one not the figure during PCK sitcom) and the other 1 a bit old but still very chio, very swee, very beautiful and wait, Oh My Gosh! she was one of my ex girlfriend - Monica Chng. (hello, you all dont laugh like that la, not touch your backside la - Monica Chng ok)

Let me see, wa-piang it has been almost 20 years since I last saw her, that time she only 18 years old and I just finished my NS. She now still maintained her thin thin figure but more mature-looking that's all. She also recognised me when she saw me and gave me a big smile and a warm welcome,"Beng, how come you are here? please, I am already married and have 2 kids."

Huh? She talked what? She thought I still want to tackle her ah and that's why I went to the kindergarten to look for her? "Eh...Monica, I am here to see my daughter's teacher and by the way I also married already and have 12 kids." Then I handled her the note which my daughter gave me the night before.

"Oh I see. Sorry, I thought you still can't get over me after so many years ...."

"Never mind la, so why you looking for me ah?" me asked Monica.

She took out a stack of drawing paper and showed them to me. All, but one, had a drawing of eggs, some drew the eggs so round until look like ping pong balls and some a bit out of shape but still can see are eggs drawn by the children. Monica told me that she had told the class to draw eggs and only my darling daughter drew differently and she showed me a piece of drawing paper which was drawn by my daughter - a plate with 2 "he-bao-dan" and some more 1 of the egg yolk looked very nice, half cook type. My daughter some more drew the pepper and salt shakers and complete with the drawing of a glass of milk beside the plate of eggs.

"So Beng, what can you say about your daughter's drawing?" Monica asked me.

"I think my daughter draw very nice leh, you see the egg yolk so pretty like real one and the pepper and salt shakers are exactly like those we have at home and the glass of milk also draw very nice what. I think she got drawing talent and...."

Monica interrupted my speech,"Beng! How can you say so? She is supposed to draw round eggs and not this type of "cooked he-bao-dan", you see the rest of my students all drew the eggs so nicely, as per my instruction."

"But Monica, what's wrong if my daughter more creative and draw different types of egg? Round egg is egg, he-bao-dan also egg, omelette also egg, scrambled egg also egg what? Why must restrict the young and growing minds?" "But...but..."Monica tried to talked some more but this time I interrupted her,"No need but la, Monica. I think my daughter no wrong in drawing different type of egg, in fact I am very happy and proud to see her draw differently."

"Beng, you never change since the day I know you, always doing things against me. Not only you, now your daughter also like you. What have I done to deserve this?" Monica opened her eyes big big and questioned me.

I did not feel like arguing with her anymore and I left the kindergarten and told her that she cannot restrict the young minds for being creative.

Wa-lau, luckily lim peh that time did not marry her, if not I think now I also kena control by Monica, think already also scared

lim peh kong wan liao

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1 Incident 2 Types Of Behaviours

lim peh ka li kong

Old beng me that day read newspaper saw this news

1 lady with occasionally mental problem put 50-dollar notes into neighbourhood letter boxes in clementi flat. (I think a total sum of S$3000)

After the news was published in the papers, 2 types of behaviour were seen:-

1) some good-hearted neighbours of that block returned the money back to her.

2) 1 man went to the block and brought his tools to try to pry open the letter boxes to take the money.

My conclusion is in every race (Chinese-Malay-Indian-Ang moh-etc-etc) or in any ationality (Singaporean-Malaysian-Aussie-American-etc-etc) sure got good/bad mannered people, well/ill behaved people one la.

If you lucky lucky you always meet the good, pretty (makes my day when I see swee swee cha-bo), well-mannered people.

If you suay suay unlucky always meet the bad, rude, inconsiderate, ill-mannered bad-mouthed people, how? Scold them ah? beat them up ah?

No no cannot, fighting no good one hor. (Me old beng when young young time always fight - now regret liao). I think i will just walk away if I meet this type of people hor, no point lower myself to be the same with them. Me no coward ok, just dont want to be like them.

lim peh kong wan liao


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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Old Beng Felt Ashame

lim peh ka li kong,

Not so long ago, me and my cha-bor-lang (wife) went to attend a seminar cum presentation talk by a Japanese professor in Suntec City.

Wah-piang, all the people there all wear high high class one, except me old beng in cheapo T-shirt BUT I tell you all ah, I never felt more ashame then.

When the Jap Professor kong finish his speech, there was a Q&A session open to the floor.

Then hor, while some pple were asking the professor some questions, other people started to leave and walked out of the hall like nobody´s business.

Worst, lim peh saw even the organisor own staffs (I know they are own staff bcos they all wear the organisor shirt and were ushering people in the beginning of the talk) also walk out in groups.

I think got at least 100 people walked out in the midst of the seminar without any respect at all.

Lim peh felt like strangling those high class dressing people but too many of them leh.

Some HongKongers sitting behind old beng commented loudly (LOOK AT THESE SINGAPOREANS, SO BLOODY RUDE!!)

At that moment, I felt shameful to be a Singaporean. :(

Dont scold me bcos I say I feel ashame to be a Singaporean, lim peh stay here since birth for 40 years liao, so dont tell me I dont like my country hor.

It´s just that, at that moment, I really felt ashame...

lim peh kong wan liao

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Old Beng On MRT

lim peh ka li kong,

Last Saturday Old Beng took a ride on MRT to go to work because my van was sent to the workshop for repair.

As my journey from Clementi to Tampines is quite long, I brought my walkman with me to kill time. Half way, my cassette side A came to an end so I took my walkman out from my bag and changed to side B to continue to enjoy the songs from my favourite singer - Liu Wen Zheng 刘文正.

A group of youngsters about 17-18 years old were sitting beside Old Beng (3 boys and 4 girls) and they were looking at me and giggling. Being a courteous uncle, me also smiled back to them and thus encouraged them to start talking to me.

"Hello uncle," a young boy started talking to me,"What is that thing you just take out?"

"This is a walkman," I took it out to show all of them. I was quite proud because it is a Sony brand.The group of youngsters like never see a walkman before and passed it among themselves with envious looks on their young faces. I knew they envy I got a good walkman bcos their eyes all open big big.

"Uncle, where you get this antique ah? You really style-lo milo," one girl said. "Nobody used this thing anymore la." And they all burst into a uproar of laughter.

"Why? Nothing wrong what, this walkman still can use one, you know. I know la, nowadays you all use Discman, right?" I must let them know that Old Beng also know what is the In-thing now. Discman.

One young boy took out a very small item and showed it to me and said,"Uncle, now we used MP3 liao la."

Just then, my handphone rang and I took it out from my pocket and answered. While I was talking, I realised the group of youngsters started to laugh again, somemore 1 boy laughed until he fell from his seat. Ai-yo, hope he didnt hurt himself, that poor boy.

They told me how come I still using the old model handphone, so big in size and even the ring-tones is mono one. Then they started to show me their handphones. Wa-piang, so fancy one. They said my one so outdated, should go and change one. What poly-ring tone la, can take pictures la, some can also make movies and what latest 3G one. I listened until blur blur, never heard what 3G is, G-spot I know only.

Why they laughed? My handphone very good one, so many years with me never have problem and also got so many other good ways to make use. I can use it as a dumb-bell to build my arm-muscle, I can use as door wedge to stop the door from closing, I can use as a stopping item by putting it behind the wheel of my van when I parked my van on a slope and I can use it as a weapon to throw at people, very hard one you know.

These youngsters no manners, all started to laugh loudly. As I reached Tampines already, I stood up and walked towards the door.

"Wah!" one of the girls exclaimed,"Uncle's jeans also same as ours, low waist cutting." Actually because the button of my jeans dropped out and I didnt have a belt to hold it up, thus creating an illusion as if I was wearing the low waist trousers. Not bad la, at least 1 thing is right.

Just as I was stepping out of the MRT, one of the boy roared with laughters again," Wa-kao! Crocodile!"

I was puzzled then I realised they must have seen my branded soft-panter (underwear).

lim peh kong wan liao

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Old Beng Met With An Accident

lim peh ka li kong

Last night me and my cha-bo-lang and my 12 children went for diiner. (your eyes no something wrong la, I got 12 children and am real proud and I called them my 12 Chinese Signs darlings - Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Piglet, ha ha more grand than a footfall team) but now I think my cha-bo-lang maybe got baby again leh, how ah, must think of name again.

Maybe just recycle the name lor, the new member will be called Mouse, Cow, Tigress, etc (same meaning) ha ha lim peh clever la. Wait, what is the female name for snake ah and I surely cannot call my 21st child Bitch leh, so how? never mind la, still a long long way la unless my wife again has twins, triplets, etc.

Anyway, back to my dinner with my family.

While I was driving in my van with all my children sitting behind, I noticed a BIG truck in front of me. (the real BIG type one)

I always drive very carefully one because my whole family lifes in my hand and I have seen too many unnecessary accidents on the roads during my driving life.

Speed for what, the different is only few minutes what? Angry because some idiots overtake you or horn at you when you are slow? No need la, late is better than no reach destination.

Anyway, Singapore road, where can speed one? Furthermore my van also no power to run fast fast la. I always good hubby one, I listen to everything my cha-bo-lang say, she say cannot speed and must drive carefully so I listen lor.
(I repeat, I not scared wife hor, I respect her only in order to have a good piece of mind and peace).

Anyway, back to my journey. While I was driving side by side with the BIG truck, the stupid idiotic (sorry, must scold him, cannot tahan) truck driver suddenly cut into my lane without signal.

Wa-piang, I quickly jammed brakes hard hard as if stepping on a poisonous snake like that until my both leg muscles also feel pain.

But, too late because the truck was too near to me (not my skill not good ok) and the backside of the truck knock my front light. My van after hit by the truck swayed slightly to the side but heng ah luckily no people walking along the pavement.

First thing I do is to check and make sure my cha-bo-lang and my 12 children all okay. then my heart also cool down because to me ah, safety of my family is always no. 1

The stupid idiotic BIG truck driver then stopped his truck and came down and walked towards me looking very angry. On his way he somemore rolled up his 2 sleeves (like want to hammer people like that).

I also went down from my van and wait for the truck driver to approach me thinking will there be a quarrel or worse still, a fight?

Luckily, the truck driver very good man, he see see check check the condition of my van and apologised to me and agreed to pay for the damage of my van. We exchange details and moved on so as not to jam the traffic.

I was puzzled why the truck driver so good manners cos he sure looked like want to fight like that (no, I was wearing Shirt with sleeves and he sure cannot see my eagle and tiger) but then my wife told me there was actually a policecar driving just behind us and the truck driver saw the policemen looking at him, so...

Lukily my van can still drive so Old beng and his beloved family went to have a happy dinner.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Oei! Please Line Up Yourself Hor

lim peh ka li kong

Got one Monday when Singapore Toto lottery price rolled up to 2.8 million, me went to queue up to buy toto hoping that I will strike the group one price and can then go upgrade myself to study high high and can write better English.

When I reached the booth, I saw many people queueing up to buy the toto and I was standing behind a decent small built young man at the end of about 20 over people. In front of him was an office lady with beautiful make-up and thick lips like Angelina Jolie (So sexy).

Wa-piang, so many people want to be millionaire like me.

Half way through, an aunty (her figure like wrestler) walked to the Angelina-lookalike and asked her buy toto for her. Then another man in long-sleeve shirt and tie also walked to the Angelina-lookalike and also requested her to buy toto for him.

As if, not enough people like that, 2 more ladies also walked up to that Angie-lookalike to ask her to buy toto for them also and all those people (wrestler aunty, man in tie and 2 ladies plus Angelina-lookalike) all stand in the queue and thus making me behind another 4 more persons.

The young man in front of me cannot tahan (tolerate) any longer and he told Angelina-lookalike not to buy toto for those inconsiderate people and that they should queue up like everyone else.

I tell you ah, I salute this small size young man cos the aunty alone was much bigger size than him.

That Angelina-lookalike rolled her eyes up and told the young man (in an American accent slang) to mind his own business. Before the young man could say anything, the man in tie and the other 2 ladies also joined in to scold the young man.

I tell you all, I see already also cannot tahan bcos it is very unfair to jump queue and then still got the cheek to scold the young man. (somemore 5 against 1).

So I stepped forward and placed my hand on the young man´s shoulder and told those suckers that the young man is my buddy brother and they better go queue up behind. As I was wearing a sleeveless T-shirt, they were able to see the picture tattooed on my arm jumped when I flexed my muscle in front of them.

I think they all very scared of the tiger on my arm and they quickly moved their butts to the end of the line and queue up quietly.

When I finished buying my toto and walked pass those 5 suckers, they all pretended not to see me and kept their heads down.

Oei, uncles and aunties, pls you all queue up and buy your own toto or 4D hor, if not my tiger will leap on you.

lim peh kong wan liao.

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Old Beng Went To Library

lim peh ka li kong

Last Saturday, my char-bo-lang (wife) pulled me to the library bcos she said she want to read some magazines at the same time used the toilet and enjoy some free air-con.

Wa-piang, Saturday call me go read books? then my bay-piao how? She doesnt know old beng always got buy 4D want meh, still bring me to see so many shu?

Reluctantly, I followed her lor, if not later other guys see her chio chio then tackle her, how? Must follow her then flex my muscle to scare pple away from her, ha ha.

Anyway, when I reached the Jurong East Library, I never know nowadays library so high class one ah. Somemore got a cafe inside, in my old mind library has always been a quiet place and cannot eat or drink, now?

While I was KLKK browsing the books I saw many parents bring their children to the library together and I think, good man, train the children to start reading since young.

Then, I saw many children running around, shouting loudly and some even playing. (play yo-yo la, catching la, hide and seek la, etc etc) The worst is that their parents also kept quiet and did not even tell their children not to play/shout/run in the library.

Until some students buay tahan already complained to the librarian and after the librarian approached the children's parent to refrain their children from making so much noise.

Only then the parent asked their children to behave themselves but only for a short span of time before the children started to misbehaved again.

I think only after I stared at them fiercely, the children then keep quiet and behave properly. (I think the parents saw the ang-kong (tattoo)on my arm so very scared, told their children not to make me angry)

What is wrong with these people? Library is a place for reading and should keep quiet ma, but I realised many people talking loudly among themselves and some even used their handphone like nobody's business.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Monday, September 26, 2005

Old Beng Went To Orchard Road

lim peh ka li kong

Last weekend, me and my cha-bo-lang (wife) went walking in Orchard Road bcos she wanted to go shopping to buy new clothes for next week´s cousin´s wedding diiner.

I just cannot understand leh? Wedding dinner only what, why must buy new clothes? Give ang-bao for the dinner already heart pain, now somemore buy new clothes? lagi siong. (more worst) somemore not she marry leh, why so kan-chiong? (excited?)

But bo-pian (no choice), after I grumbled a bit on why she want to waste money, she suddenly opened her eyes big big and stared at me until my cold sweat dripped down my back, then I quietly followed her lor. Scared siah.

Wa-piang, I tell you all ah, dont know why Orchard Road so many people one ah, walked also difficult but quite good cos I can see many many swee cha-bo (pretty girls) but I can only pretend pretend see through the corner of my eyes if not later my wife discovered I see girls, sure die.

Only 5 minutes my eyes already cannot take it, so tired. My eyes felt like one in Bedok another in Jurong and become a little bit pak-chiao (shoot bird) - still dont understand what is shoot bird then bo-pian I also dont know how to explain in english. Maybe you all can try to see thing through the corners of your eyes only and must see secrectly and not discover by your friends beside you for 5 minutes, then you will understand what I mean by shoot-bird eyes.

But one thing very funny leh, although Orchard road was very crowded, everytime we walked towards a big crowd of people walking in opposite direction, the people sure automatic gave way to us. I scratched my head and just could not understand why Singaporeans suddenly so good manners.

Only until my wife told me because I was wearing sleeveless T-shirt and everybody could see my pictures (one hand got tiger and the other got eagle) tattooed on my arms so they scared the tiger and eagle bite them.

Oh please, old beng got tattoo doesn´t mean me fierce ganster or hooligan ok? It is because last time young young time dont know how to think now regret also cannot do anything liao.

After last weekend, I have decided to ask my cha-bo-lang to go Orchard to buy things more often so that I can see many many pretty girls when I go with her, ha ha.

lim peh kong wan liao

PS: Think I must start to wear shirt with sleeves more often.

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