lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Height Of ........

lim peh ka li kong

When lim peh was a young young cao ah beng, lim peh received this piece of funny note, share share (contents not so suitable for the minors, if you are a minor, please do not continue reading)

Height of ......

Height of Frustration
A boxer trying to scratch his balls

Height of Innocence
A teenager girl applying Clearsil to her nipples

Height of Patience
A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree

Height of Unemployment
Conwebs in the hole of the prostitute

Height of Laziness
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest

Height of Sophistication
Sucking nipples with a straw

Height of Disgust
While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper

Height of Noise
Two skeletons making love on a tin roof, using tin cans as condoms

Height of Technology
Condom with zip

Height of Laziness again
A man after shitting on the sea-side waiting for the tide to clean his ass

Height of Pain
Sliding down a rocky mountain using your balls as brakes

Height of Trouble
A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his ass itching

lim peh kong wan liao
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Friday, March 28, 2008


lim peh ka li kong

This is how you can get hot water but please do not try it at home. The owner 食过夜粥、叔叔有练过的哦!

lim peh kong wan liao
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Monday, March 24, 2008















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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Spider Fight

lim peh ka li kong

When I was a small boy I was a very happy kid.

During my childhood time, I did not have computer, no air-con, no colour-TV, no PSP or Wii but I think I have better childhood than the children now.

Being boys (my neighbours and I), we used to play and running wild.

I still remembered the wonderful games we played then: sliding down the slope of a hill with a carton box; flying kites; catching longkang fish; catching fighting spider; played "humtam bola"; etc.

Games that I am not able to play them anymore.

I received an email from a guy, Adrian from Malaysia:

" hi, i read ur blog about spiders in singapore.
do u still catch fighting spiders in singapore?
we still have it here in malaysia "
check out this site "

In the site, I found this clip from YouTube.

Thanks Adrian for the sharing of such wonderful site.

Maybe, just maybe, one day lim peh will go out there and catch some fighting spiders and play with them again.

Have you ever played with fighting spider?

lim peh kong wan liao
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Friday, March 14, 2008

Some Jokes Taken From Simple Guy

lim peh ka li kong

Was reading this blog the other day and had a real good laugh reading his jokes, share some with you:


Dad, I was away for a week.

Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

Why, Dad ? Tell me why!"

Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."


A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"


There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"


A lady walks into the drug store and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

The pharmacist asks, "Madam, what do you want with arsenic?"

The lady says, "To kill my husband."

"I can't sell you any for that reason", says the pharmacist.

The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a Photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

He looks at the photo and says, "Oh...........I didn't know you had a prescription!"


An Englishman, American, and Arabian were in a bar talking about their families.

The Englishman said, "I have ten kids at home and if I had another one I would have a soccer team!"

"Well," said the American guy, "I have fifteen kids at home and if I had another one I would have a football team!"

"Well," said the Arabic guy, "I have seventeen wives at home and if I had another one I would have a golf course."


从前鸡和鸭本来是好朋友, 直到有一天~~~








All jokes taken from Simple-Guy's blog.

lim peh kong wan liao
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Friday, March 07, 2008





的父亲 : Don Lim

与Don Lim 的瓜葛缘由始于这篇博文



很多美眉在经过老明的身边时,都看了老明一眼然后掩嘴而笑,只留下俺双眼很“不得空”的看来看去。(In case 看官们不明白,蹲是Bengism 不可缺少的条件之一)而一个老阿明蹲在乌节路更是个不可多得的奇观。


抬头一望就见到Don Lim 那溢满笑容的脸。

“嗨,你好,我是Don,你一定是老明吧?” Don问道。


“哦,试问这又有谁人能象你蹲得这么稳、那么帅?” Don笑了笑说道。

之后,我们就到Wisma Atria 的Food Republic 叫鸡




令伯必须继续工作,而 Don 却是与佳人有约,小两口优哉闲哉,逛着看着IT 展,真是羡慕死俺。


* 后记:感谢Don Lim 不幸劳累的从远处而来,把CD递交于我.
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Tuesday, March 04, 2008








因为叉烧包有 filling (feeling).



因为叉烧包和莲蓉包有不一样的 fillings (feelings).


** Source from 1~xyn's blog.
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