lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

An Incident 2

lim peh ka li kong

Me saw this entry in Misuka´s blog and me really like the story she posted there. Me shall share the incident with additional spices from me of course...


Mr Tan had been married for 7 years. He was an average white-collar executive in a MNC, driving a Nissan, lived in a Terrace, went for vacation every year with his wife and only son. He paid his tax timely, his life was nothing but plain routine, plain like the plain water.

On a Friday night, Mr Tan came home later than usual after having a few Beer in the Pub with some of his colleagues.

Mrs Tan wasn´t feeling well and they started a quarrel over a trivial matter and accidentally, Mr Tan killed his wife.

He was panic and didn´t know what to do. He was only 30 years old, he had a good career and he definitely didn´t want to go to jail for a mistake, an unintended mistake, caused by him.

Good thing his 5-year-old son Alex was already asleep.

After much consideration, Mr Tan buried his wife in his garden. His corner terrace was the last unit and his immediate neighbour, the Lim Family was in the States and would only be back the following week.

While cleaning himself in the bathroom, Mr Tan kept thinking, "How am I going to explain to Alex where his mummy has gone to?"

Knowing his 5-year-old was super-duper glued to his mummy, Mr Tan was really worried how to answer Alex question about his mummy´s whereabout.

One day passed... Alex never asked any question.

Second day passed... Alex still didn´t ask for his mummy.

Third day passed...

Fourth day passed...

On the fifth day, Mr Tan could no longer suppress his doubts, he asked Alex, "Alex, how come you don´t miss your mummy? How come you never ask me where mummy goes?"

Alex, with his big innocent eyes, looked at his daddy and replied, "Daddy, I want to ask you one question?"

"Yes?" Mr Tan asked.

"Why are you carrying mummy behind your back for so many days......"


lim peh kong wan liao


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Friday, November 24, 2006

10 Handsome Guys (Updated)

lim peh ka li kong

Since me did the 10 Beautiful Girls, me may as well do something on 10 handsome guys.

As guys do not attract me like girls do, guess that´s why me ain´t able to fill up all 10 Handsome Guys leh, only managed to have 8, me will still post up 10 Handsome Guys with the help of my readers.

So, please provide your view of handsome guys and hopefully me can fill up the gap, kam siah..

1) Fei Xiang 费翔
费翔 appeared long time ago but he was rather young and had a baby-face then. As he aged over the years, he looks better and his charm has always made the gals drool.

2) Leslie Cheung 张国荣
Leslie Cheung 张国荣 was indeed a Superstar during his primetime in show business. He had held a Farewell Concert and later stepped back into the Lime-light again. A great lost when he decided to end his life in a rather tragic way.

3) Takeshi Kaneshiro 金城武
He started his career path in Taiwan as a Singer but frankly speaking, he cannot sing well. It was a wise move when he left Taiwan and ventured into Hong Kong and later into Japan. Now he is one of the BIGGEST Star in the Chinese Society.

4) Wentworth MillerTo be honest, me don´t know him at all, that is to say before me got myself hooked in the T.V. drama "Prison Break". The story line is interesting and rather exciting and he definitely stood up among all the prisoners in the drama.

5) Hideaki Takizawa 龙泽秀明Apart from seeing his photo once in a while in the Newspaper or some 娱乐八卦杂志, me know nothing about him except he does have a handsome face.

6) Park Yong Ha 朴龙河 He was the 第二男主角 in the popular Korean Drama 冬季恋歌 with everybody concentrating on 第一男主角Bae Yong Jun 裴勇俊. Although most gals will prefer 裴勇俊 to 朴龙河, me still think 朴龙河 is better looking.

7) Jimmy Lin 林志颖He was the Pretty Face from Taiwan to stop the monopoly Pretty Boy Syndrome - Arron Kwok 郭富城 when 郭富城 conquered the millions of young gals heart then. Though 林志颖 is around 30 now, his pretty baby face still stays with him.

8) Edison Chen 陈冠希
Another pretty face but this boy has a rather "Bad Boy" look and rather 踹 and 怪烂. As the saying goes: 男人不坏、女人不爱.

9) Daniel Wu 吴彦祖At certain angle, this young man does look a little bit like Andy Lau 刘德华. Refused to be clssified as a Pretty Face, he had been taking up roles which really geared up his acting skill. One of his show which me think his acting skill improved a lot is 旺角黑夜.

10) Hugh Jackman

Hugh Jackson, to many, is known for acting in the X-Men series. Actually he also acted in Van Helsing, Swordfish, Someone Like You, Kate & Leopold etc. Many girls fall for his charm with the different roles he played in the different movies but me think he still looked the best in the show Kate & Leopold.

After seeing all the handsome faces, me can only say @#€$%&, why me don´t have a handsome face like they have?

lim peh kong wan liao

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Why? Why?? Why???

lim peh ka li kong

Received the following email from a friend.


Why, Why, Why ?

**Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

**Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

**Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

**Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

**Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

**Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

**Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

**Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

**Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

**Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

**Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

**How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

**When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"
Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

**Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

**In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

**How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?*

*The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you who is insane*


lim peh kong wan liao


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What Goes Around Comes Around

lim peh ka li kong

Saw this in Kurakat´s blog. A good read to me.

Click here to read.

// Quote //

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

What goes around comes around

He almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her?

He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.

He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you. He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire.

But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through.

She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him.

This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me." He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant.

Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger.

Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be.

Then she noticed something written on the napkin. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote:

"You don't owe me anything.
I have been there too.
Somebody once helped me out,
the way I'm helping you.
If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do:
Do not let this chain of love end with you."
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard..

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's gonna be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."


There is an old saying "What goes around comes around.." Today, I sent you this story (via a blog entry), and I'm asking you to pass it on (in any mode which you are comfortable with)... Let this light shine. Don't delete it. Please pass this on to a friend. "Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."

posted by Kurakat at Tuesday, November 21, 2006

// Unquote //

lim peh kong wan liao


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Monday, November 20, 2006

佛陀的一个故事 / A Buddha´s Story










** 原文取自 “动中好修行 --- 圣开法师” 新加坡人乘佛教文化出版社


For those who did not read my post earlier, I had actually done a direct translation on the contents above, trying to allow the non-Chinese readers to understand what I posted but was badly done due to my lousy pathetic translation skill.

A comment was left by a reader with the correct English version and I must thank that person for his effort.

Thank You Very Much.

(Please click onto my comment field to get a better understanding of the content in English.

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

How The Company Views Its Employees (HE vs SHE)

lim peh ka li kong

Is there such a thing as Fairness? You tell lim peh la.

How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)

The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.

HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain.

HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal.
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.

HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.

HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.

HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.

The boss criticised HIM.
He'll improve his performance.
The boss criticised HER.
She'll be very upset.

HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?

HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.

HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.

HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?

HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable.


lim peh kong wan liao


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A Hilarious Entry By Kenny Ng

lim peh ka li kong

Read this hilarious entry.

Click here to read.

* Source from Kenny Ng´s blog *

// Quote //

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

General Motors vs Microsoft

*Received this article in my email, just want to share with you all this interesting article.*

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
  6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single
    "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
  7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate – their computers!

Happy Mid-week!!!

lim peh kong wan liao


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Monday, November 13, 2006














2006 后语:




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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

10 Beautiful Girls

lim peh ka li kong

Different people have different tastes and views on certain issues. Different men view girl girl as beautiful differently and me was thinking that night, when me couldn´t sleep, what kind of girl girl will be considered as beautiful.

With my eyes closed, my mind wandered far away in a beautiful land with those beautiful girl girl...

1) Shu Qi 舒淇

The first time me saw Shu Qi acting was, ahem, a Category III Hong Kong movie. Though I must say her body was, eh still is, beautiful, I actually like her lips more. I was in fact quite happy when she stopped making Category III movies but kena quite a lot of insults from my hum-sap kakis when I voiced out my view to them.

2) Lee Li Chen 李丽珍 She has a pretty face and innocent cum ignorant look. Half way through her career, she too became the actress in some Category III movies. Stop the smutter, dirty, filthy smile on your face ok!?!? I think she is beautiful in her own unique way, not just her vital stats. Lately she has become rather weird with all the lousy news of her. My impression on her changed drastically but me still think she is pretty.

3) Kuan Zhi Lin 关芝琳 She was once my idol and I really think she was one of the most beautiful lady then. Saw her recently in the papers and though she does look older but she still looks good to me.

4) Zhong Li Ti 钟丽缇 Hmmm, although she is already a mother of one, her sexiness still lingers around her though, like Kuan Zhi Lin, she has somehow aged but gives her a more matured image. Just look at her body face.

5) Akina 中森明菜 How can I not classify her as a all-time favourite beautiful girl? Although me do not understand a single song she sang but just looking at her was enough to sweep Old Beng off the ground. She was one Goddess to all young men during those good old days.

6) Angelina Jolie She is SEXY, she is HOT, she is BEAUTIFUL. Need I say more?

7) Aishwarya Rai Though I can´t even pronounce her name correctly but boy, she has the most beautiful face I must say. Beauty leaves no border at all.

8) Lin Zhi Lin 林志玲

Pretty face, nice figure plus good EQ = Lin Zhi Lin 林志玲. Her 嗲-ness really makes a lot of "麻甩佬" drool over her.

9) Cecilia Cheung 张柏芝 Many say she resembles Lin Qing Xia 林青霞. To me she is better cos she has the plus point for being young. A very pretty girl indeed.

10) Cha-bo-lang

Of all the girl girl whom me have mentioned, the most beautiful woman in this world to me is still my cha-bo-lang. Of course la, if not how will I want to marry her? (This last one very important, if left out, lim peh ka li kong, sure will have World War III). ^_^"""

lim peh kong wan liao

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006






白天闹哄哄 夜晚冷清清


陈经理对 Crew Leader 阿成说:“待会儿我将在经理室里整理与总结今天的帐目,你现在就分配他们的工作吧。”





“阿莲,妳叫我啊?” 小妮问道。

“妳说什么?我听不到。” 由于阿莲没留意到小妮,加上水流的声几乎掩盖小妮的声音,所以她没听到小妮的问题。

“我说,是不是妳在叫我?” 小妮提高声音问道。

“我叫妳?没有啊,怎么啦?” 阿莲满脸疑惑答道。



“好吧。” 小妮说完便去问其他的同事。






x x x x x



“明明是你存心跟我过不去。” 阿发对着阿明喊道。


“不是你还会有谁?这里就只有我和你两个人,难道是我自己弄的吗?” 阿发在不觉中提高声音。


眼看他们就将打起来时,Crew Leader 阿成立刻劝说了几句:“什么事这么严重?有话慢慢说。”

“就是啰,吵什么吵。” 阿莲也劝他们。



“就是啰,你不应该这样作弄阿发。” 那些女孩子都纷纷指责阿明。

“我都说不是我做的,怎么连你们也不相信我。” 阿明说道。

“你当然不会承认!” 阿发嚷道。

“我干嘛要承认!根本不是我弄脏的;我自己的工作都还没做完,那还会有闲工夫去作弄你?” 阿明大声说道。


“真的不是我干的,你不信就算了。” 阿明道。


“什么事这么吵?都做完了吗?” 陈经理问道。

Crew Leader 阿成把事情的经过向陈经理说了一遍。

“好了,不管是谁的错,别再吵了,赶快做完工作,司机小林就快来了。” 陈经理道。



x x x x x








x x x x x


“小林,为何还不开车?” 阿发问道。

“你们人都没上齐,怎么开车?” 小林转过头来回答阿发。


“一,二,。。。六;六个人,对啊。” 陈经理对着小林说。



“没有啊。那有什么人?” 阿美第一个说道。

“嗱!站在柜台前不就有着两个职员走来走去。” 小林指着柜台说道。


“小林,没有人了,开车吧。” 陈经理说道。


“不用但是了,马上开车。” 陈经理打断小林的话。



几天后,小林才高速大家他那晚所见的 “东西”。


x x x x x




涌进她脑里的第一个念头是:“哎呀!走错厕所。” 由于男女厕所是并排着,因此是有这个可能性。





“Excuse me,麻烦妳进去查一下好吗?刚才我见到一名男子在里头。” 女顾客对着女职员说道。女职员和女顾客就一起进入查看个究竟。

“没有人啊。” 女职员转过头对女顾客说道。

“可能。。。可能我看错了,没事了,Thanks!” 女顾客说完便急急忙忙地走出厕所。


“她怎么了?怎么这么急着离开?。。。” 女职员百思莫解地想着。

x x x x x



这间快餐店的冷冻库并不是在同一层楼,而是在地下室 (Basement)。


“怎么搞的?这么乱!他们怎能这么乱放这些食物?” 美如一边收拾一边埋怨着。


“真好笑,竟然会忘了拿鸡肉。” 美如面露出笑容走了进去。








x x x x x





x x x x x

几天后的一个夜晚,Crew Leader 阿成和阿发、阿明、阿标以及阿伟共五名职员下去整理和收拾储藏室。

“今天可真忙啊,人潮一直涌进来,仿佛不会停止似的。” 阿伟一边整理一边说道。

“当然,今天是周末嘛!” 阿明道。

“别说这么多了,赶快整理,时间不多了,别让司机小林待会儿等我们!” Crew Leader 阿成对着大伙儿说道。


“怎么一回事?里头有谁?” 阿发问道。

“我也不知道。” 阿成摇头道。

“难道有贼躲在里头?” 阿标说完拿起一根木棍小心翼翼地走向前去。

“小心点,阿标。” 阿明见到阿标走向冷冻库,也和阿发、阿伟各人拿起一根木棍。
















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Friday, November 03, 2006

10 Kinds Of Men Me Dislike

lim peh ka li kong

Although me also a man, there are some men me very the tulan the dislike and will always stay away from them. The 10 kinds of men are:

1) Single man but has many many girlfriends, not those just normal friends type but 一脚踏多船.

2) Married man but still going around hunting girl girl and the worst fact is he completely denied that he is married. 卑鄙,无耻,下流,贱格.

3) One who doesn't want to work, just rot at home, shaking legs KKYLP waiting for his wife to work and support him. 跎衰晒我们男人.

4) One who beats up his wife and children whenever he is not happy.

5) Got a little bit of money, super hyper yaya-papaya. Think because he has more money than you, he is the king. 妖,有钱大晒?

6) Rushing for MRT and Bus seats and will immediately fall asleep without giving up the seat to the more needful ones. 没咕咕的男人.

7) In front of people, he is a very righteous, good moral and decent man very the 正人君子 and will reprimand you jia-lat jia-lat if you sprout some RA jokes in front of him BUT behind closed door, he watches porn movies, reads porn magazines and surfs porn sites everyday.

8) Go around telling the whole world that he had slept with the girl or girls and describing their detailed performances/ preferences/ styles in bed. 认真冇口耻.

9) Has all the characteristics of a girl girl: He thinks, acts, talks and behaves like one. (Eh... this type me not dislike but not so comfortable, no offence hor, 歹势, 歹势).

10) Old uncle with typical long, permed coloured hair and a hairy mole on his face talking loud loud with full of vulgarity in the public. If that doesn´t kill you, he has his last fingernail super long and loves to wear very tight white long pants with bright red underwear. 死未?

lim peh kong wan liao

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