lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Riddle

lim peh ka li kong

Saw this joke from Gerry´s blog. Made some amendment and share with you:

=====

Bread and Kopi got married recently. Here is the question:

Which one do you think is the one (Male) and which one is the one (female)? The Bread is the husband or the wife?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Bread is the wife and Kopi is the husband.

Why?

Because Bread~talk and Kopi~tiam.

=====

Sounds familiar? Hmmm....

lim peh kong wan liao
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Monday, January 28, 2008

Cyril Takayama's Magic

lim peh ka li kong

Like to share some of the magic performances from a Japanese guy lim peh saw in youtube, see for yourself.







lim peh kong wan liao
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Thursday, January 24, 2008

New Skill

lim peh ka li kong

Don't play play hor, recently lim peh just realised that lim peh have a new skill, a new talent, a whole new horizon.

Never thought that at the age of 40+, lim peh can still master and achieve new things.

Before going into details, lim peh have to feed you with some info.

Before 2008 arrives, lim peh always woke up just enough time for me to brush up, go toilet for clearing, change, eat breakfast and leave for work.

Starting 2008, lim peh itchy backside and also itchy mouth, told my cha-bo-lang that I will wake up earlier every morning to exercise in order to attain a healthier life-style.

Now lim peh have to wake up about 1 and a half hours earlier than usual to keep my promise.

Wah-laoz, tell you hor, every morning very difficult to pull myself out from the comfortable bed leh. Many a times, lim peh just wish to continue sleeping until my previous waking up time i.e. 1 and a half hours later.

But then lim peh very self-discipline one. Why all of you shake your heads? Ok la ok la, lim peh lie. It is because my cha-bo-lang very determine one, she will sure get me up every morning.

Then hor, lim peh discover lim peh have a new skill, new talent cos lim peh can actually close my 2 beautiful eyes and take a quick nap while standing. Ha ha kiang bo?!?!

Lim peh is like the horse hor, can sleep while standing but unfortunately only stand sleeping like a horse and not "hung" like a horse =_="""

But seriously, it is really good to have fresh air while we exercise and stroll every morning.

lim peh kong wan liao

PS: If you happen to see an uncle exercising and strolling early in the morning with a cha-bo-lang somewhere in a park at the West coast of Singapore, that uncle may be lim peh la.
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Monday, January 21, 2008

哈哈哈

伯卡你讲

再送上几个老英雄的笑话,也感谢 No Eyes See 的情商演出。

=====

精神病院里,老英雄与无眼仔在交谈。

老英雄问:“我的小说怎么样?”

无眼仔说道:“非常不错,就是出场人数太多。”

此时护士冲他们嚷道:“嘿,你们俩快把电话簿放回去。

=====

老英雄来到一家旅馆,他看到车库里有很多漂亮的车,于是就问老板,怎么有这么多漂亮的车啊?

老板告诉他,我有一个五岁的儿子,他做三件事,如果你能跟着做到,这里的车随你挑一辆开走,如果不能,就把你的车留下,很多人做不到,所以。。。

老英雄想,五岁的小孩能做到的,还能做不到嘛,于是就试一试。

老板就带他到一个屋子里,里面有一个漂亮的裸体美女。

小孩过去亲了她一下,老英雄跟着做了,然后小孩又过去摸了美女的全身,老英雄也跟着做了。

第三件事,小孩掏出小弟弟弯了三下。。。。。

=====

记得刚毕业不久的一天,女友给老英雄发了一条短信:“我们还是分手吧!”

老英雄还没来得及伤心呢,女友又发来一条:“对不起,发错了。”

这下老英雄可以彻底的伤心了。

=====

生物课要做一个观察口腔细胞的实验。

无眼仔的女朋友匆匆跑进实验室,赶紧依教授的指示,拿牙籖棉花棒在口腔内壁刮了一下,放到显微镜下观察。

忽然无眼仔的女朋友尖叫了一声,大家以为发生了什么事,教授急忙过去看看显微镜下出现什么异样。。。

教授看完转过头来对无眼仔的女朋友说:“完事后一定要漱口。”

=====

有一天,来了一台性机器。

老明、老英雄与无眼仔三人想试试看谁较厉害。

老明就先把自己的放进去,电脑就说:“你的家庭会很幸福。”

无眼仔也把自己的放进去,电脑说:“你的家庭会很美满。”

老英雄也不甘示弱,把自己的也放进去, 电脑说:“先生,请不要把牙签放进来开玩笑。”

=====

老英雄,一个典型的大男人娶了个典型的小美女,婚礼刚刚结束,老英雄就立下了下面的规矩:
  
“我想什么时候回家就什么时候回家,只要我想,不论是什么时候我想,你都不能为此为难我!每天晚上你必须为我准备好一顿丰盛的晚餐,除非我告诉你我不回来了。

只要我想,我就可以和我的老朋友出去打猎、钓鱼、饮酒或打牌,你也不能为此刁难我!这就是我的规矩……你有什么意见吗?”
  
老英雄的新娘很大度地说:“没有意见,你为我想得很周到。我只是提醒你记住一件事情……每天晚上九点准时做爱——不论你在还是不在!”

=====

老英雄问马场管理员:“奇怪,你们马场什么时候来了一头骆驼,而且是双峰的?”

管理员道:“不瞒您说,它不是骆驼,是上次被你骑过的马。”

=====

令伯讲完了
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Here Comes Lau Hero Again

lim peh ka li kong

My friend Lau Hero told lim peh about 2 of his issues recently:

=====

Lau Hero told me that for the past week, he had been taking care of their child, cooked meals, went marketing, cleaned the house and did the laundry so that his wife can have good rest.

"I read somewhere that if our wife is not too tired, she makes a better partner in bed," Lau Hero said with a fishy grin.

"Really huh! Did it work?" Old Beng after hearing also heart itchy itchy.

"Not really la," Lau Hero answered with a frown.

"Why?"

"Because me too tired lor."

=====

Lau Hero´s wife was feeling a little bit down so Lau Hero, being a sweet husband, placed an order of flowers to be sent to his wife to cheer her up.

When asked for the wordings to be printed on the card, Lau Hero told the florist to write, "I Believe In You!!"

That night when Lau Hero went home, he got a black eye from his wife.

He was very puzzled as to why he deserved such treatment from his wife when he sent her flowers?

Printed on the card, "I´ll Be Leaving You!!"

=====

lim peh kong wan liao
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Monday, January 14, 2008

佳句

读到以下几句,与你分享:

一个人的快乐,不是因为他拥有得多,而是因为他计较得少。

理直要气和,得理要饶人。

心美看什么都顺眼,看别人不顺眼,是自己修养不够。

受得小气,则不至于受大气;
吃得小亏,则不至于吃大亏。

人之谤我也,与其能辩不如能容;

人之侮我也,与其能防不如能化
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Friday, January 11, 2008

Irresponsible Parents

lim peh ka li kong

Sometimes lim peh really wonder why there are so many irresponsible parents in this world? Yeah, lim peh know the process of making babies is shiok but come on, if you really heng heng got pregnant and give birth to your child then please at least be responsible to your child.

How many times have we seen new-borned babies been discarded by cruel parents into the rubbish chute like throwing a piece of rubbish?

How many times have we seen children, teenagers roaming freely without having a proper meal?

Really kong buay liao one la.

I was driving one fine day and what I saw while driving along PIE really made my blood boiled cos lim peh don´t believe there´s actually such parent walking on the surface of the Earth.

Vehicles in front of me were all slowing down and filtering out from the lane I was driving. Was there an accident in front? Was there a tortoise driver in front?

When all the vehicles finally filtered out in front of me, what lim peh saw really stunned me to the extreme.

There was a motorbike riding in front of me at a rather slow speed, probably travelling at only 40 to 50 km/h. (Driving at lane 1 of Express Way!)

The biker was a young man and the passenger sitting behind him was a young girl, from the size of the girl I guessed she´s only 4 to 5 years old at the maximum.

Having such a young girl riding behind a motorbike is already not right, it is too dangerous.

What´s worse was that the stuuuuuuuuupid, idiotic, mosquito brain, ku ku biker was riding the bike with only 1 hand.

You may think what the F was his other hand doing?

He was busy sms-ing with his other hand at the same time.

RRRROOOOOAAAARRRRR!!!!

Guess nobody dared to honk the biker at least not me cos lim peh was darn afraid that any slightest honk at him might make him "garang-gabok" and later skid.

Such irresponsible creature. PHEW!!!

lim peh kong wan liao
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Coming Back

lim peh ka li kong

After privatizing my new blog, which really takes up lots of my time, lim peh have decided to come back to my original "lim peh ka li kong".

Thanks for the people who had shown interest in my new blog and lim peh have gotten the results I wanted during the creation of my "privatize blog".

I am back here once again cos 新衣哪有旧衣好.

lim peh kong wan liao

PS: For those who didn´t know I privatized my blog, never mind, you didn´t miss anything.
Related Posts with Thumbnails