lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Ranting In My Blog For The FIRST Time!!!

(Contents not suitable for the young ones)

KNNBCCB!!!!!! FXXKING HELL!!!!!

ROOOOOOOAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

I have never met such idiotic arsehole FXXKING BXSTARD person in my whole life. I declare I am a complete blind man for treating her so well all this while, to the extend of covering her mistakes for her.

This type of CCB LJ person, just my luck to have crossed path with her, TILL NIA SING!!! KAOZ!! PHUI!!!!!

There's this receptionist clerk cum secretary who was with our employment for the past 10 over years. Last year when I joined the company, my boss told me that she is not competence thus half of her work load will be passed on to me.

Her contract with us expired this month and my boss was kind enough and release her 2 days prior to month end out of good will.

As she had been with us for so long, we trusted her completely and guess what?

1) She KNN threw all the hardcopies HR files and CFP files and dont know what other files away behind our back.

2) She deleted all the soft copies of our template for salaries, leave, etc.

3) She even changed the password to the common computer programmes without our knowledge.

4) She was so Gian-Png until on her last day with us, she took folders, staples, key-chains, stationeries back with her without telling us.

As we couldn´t log into the computer, we tried calling her mobile but she refused to answer our calls, so bo-pian we sms her asking her to call us back. She immediately sms back asking for what purpose for her to call us back since she had left us.

When we saw her sms, we called her mobile immediately but again she KNN let the phone rang until it was disconnected. Wa-kaoz!

After that, no matter how many more times we called her or sms her, she did not reply at all.

We gave her her salary on the 25th and not on the last day yet we got all these shit from her.

What kind of woman does such things?

No one to blame, just blame myself for being stuuuuupid to treat her so well, to trust her so much.

I learned my lesson well now, I learn my mistake.

KNN!!!!!!!! ROOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

在这社会打滚了这么多年,他妈的!!阴沟里翻船!!我靠!!

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Jokes For Adults

Before lim peh start to kong about the following jokes, can the minors (those under 21) skip this post cos it is not suitable for the young spirits, the pure hearts and the innocent minds. Go play somewhere else, be a good child, go.

Those act decent ones, 假清高 ones, 正人(伪)君子, 淑女,also can please leave my blog now, don´t want you all leave stupid irritating comments after reading my dirty jokes which you know jolly well YOU enjoyed and laughed out loudly.

Good! The rest of you are above 21 with an open mind? Here we go......

lim peh ka li kong

=====

"I´m baffled by your yellow penis," the doctor told Lau Hero. "Does anyone else in your family have this condition?"

Lau Hero shook his head.

"Do you handle chemicals at work?"

"Not at all." Lau Hero replied.

"Well, what do you after work?" the doctor asked.

"I watched Porn Movies every night in total naked eating crisps at the same time." Lau Hero answered.

=====

Lau Hero, when he was in Secondary 2, went home one day and told his mum, "Mum, mum! I had sex with my Geography Teacher today."

Mum was shock and told him to tell his father instead.

"Dad, Dad!" Lau Hero exclaimed, "Guess what, I had sex with my Geography Teacher."

To his mother´s disbelief, Lau Hero´s father said, "I´m proud of you son, I think now you are old enough to ride your brother´s bike which you have been wanting to."

Lau Hero´s face dropped in disappointment, "I can´t. My arse hurts!"

=====

Lau Hero walks into the doctor´s surgery looking sheepish. Old Beng who is the doctor asks him what the problem is and he explains that it´s a rather delicate matter to do with his back passage which he finds difficult to talk about.

"I´ve been in this business for 24 years," says Old Beng, "there´s not much I haven´t seen.
You´d save us both a lot of time if you just tell me what was wrong with you."

"I think I´d find it a lot easier if I just show you," Lau Hero says, and proceeds to to drop his trousers and bend over.

The sight of Lau Hero´s arsehole renders Old Beng speechless; its been torn to the size of a football and is badly bruised.

"OMG!" says Old Beng, "what the hell happened to you?"

"Well," Lau Hero says, "I was on Safari in Kenya and I was raped by a bull elephant."

Old Beng considers this and says, "Well sir, my knowledge of veterinary science may be limited, but I thought elephants´penises were long and thin."

"That´s right, doc," Lau Hero agrees, "but the stupid elephant fingered me first!"

=====

Lau Hero and a woman are sitting next to each other on an aeroplane when suddenly Lau Hero sneezes.

He takes out his handkerchief, opens his zipper and takes out his willy. After carefully wiping it, he puts it back and closes the zipper.

The woman is shocked but decides it´s best not to say anything.

Then there is a second sneeze and Lau Hero goes through the same routine.

Again, the woman tries to ignore what is going on. After the third sneeze, however, she can´t help but asks the hell he thinks he´s doing.

"Well," says Lau Hero, "everytime I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

"Oh, I´m sorry," says the woman. "How terrible for you. Are you taking anything for it?"

"Oh, yes," replies Lau Hero, "pepper."

=====

Lau Hero asks Old Beng, " What does a 75-year-old woman have between her knees that a 25-year-old doesn´t?"

Old Beng thinks and thinks and thinks and catches no ball.

Lau Hero replies, "Her nipples."

=====

Lau Hero went to the Money Changer to change some money in China Town in U.S.A. He got himself $500.

The following day, Lau Hero went again and he got $485 this time round.

Lau Hero was puzzled and he asked the Ang Mo sitting behind the counter the reason for it.

"Fluctuation." The Ang Mo Money Changer replied.

Lau Hero angrily walked out of the shop and at the doorway, turned around and shouted at the Ang Mo, "Oh yeah? Fxxk you, American!"

=====

Lau Hero and a woman walk into a very posh shop. "Show the lady your finest mink!" Lau Hero demands.

So the owner of the shop reaches for a full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the owner sidles up to Lau Hero and whispers, "Sir, that particular fur goes for $50,000."

"No problem," says Lau Hero, "I´ll write you a cheque.

"Very good, sir," says the owner, "You may pick the coat up on Monday, after the cheque clears." So Lau Hero and the lady leave.

On Monday, Lau Hero returns on his own. The Owner´s outraged, "How dare you show your face in here? There wasn´t a penny in your account."

"Sorry," grins Lau Hero, "but I had to come and thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life."

=====

Old Beng, No Eyes See and Lau Hero were comparing their drink from the night before.

Old Beng says, "I was so drunk I have no idea how I got home...All I know is that I woke up in my toilet in a pool of sweat."

"Oh yeah?" brags No Eyes See. "I was so wasted I took home a woman and was having sex ith her when my wife walked in."

"That´s nothing," says Lau Hero. "I was so pissed I was blowing chunks all night."

"Big deal," scoff Old Beng and No Eyes See.

Lau Hero says, "I don´t think you quite understanding - Chunks is the name of my dog."

=====

3 new prisoners, Old Beng, No Eyes See and Lau Hero, are sitting in their cell, contemplating the bleakness of their futures.

Old Beng takes out a mouth organ. "At least I can keep myself amused by playing a little music, it´ll help pass the time."

No Eyes See takes out a pack of cards. "We can while away the time playing poker."

Lau Hero takes out a box of tampons.

"What the hell are you going to do with these?" the other 2 ask.

Lau Hero grins and says, "It says on the box I can ride, swim, ski and play tennis with these."

=====

Lau Hero and No Eyes See are picked up by the police for smoking dope and appear in court before the judge, Old beng.

Old Beng tells them, "You 2 seem like nice men and I´d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I´ll see you back in court on Monday."

When the 2 guys return to court, Old Beng asks No Eyes See, "So, how did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, Your honour, I managed to persuade 17 people to give up drugs forever." answers No Eyes See.

"17 people? That´s wonderful. What did you tell them?"

"I used a disgram, Your Honour. I drew 2 circles - a large and a small one - and explained to them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and that the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That´s admirable," says Old Beng, turning to Lau Hero. "And you, how did you do?"

"Well, Your Honour, I managed to persuade 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That´s amazing. How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used the same diagram, only I pointed to the small circle first and said, ´This is your arsehole before prison...´"

=====

Old Beng, No Eyes See and Lau Hero check into a hotel, but the clerk tells them that, because the lodge is fully booked, they´ll all have to share a bed.

However, as they´re all completely exhausted and miles from another hotel, they decided to take it anyway.

The next morning, No Eyes See, who slept on the left says, "Wow, I had the weirdest, most vivid dream. I dreamt I was having a wank!"

Old Beng on the right says, "You too?"

Lau Hero in the middle says, "You´re both disgusting. I had an ordinary dream. I dreamt I went skiing."

=====

lim peh kong wan liao

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Some Things You Just Can´t Explain

lim peh ka li kong

Too busy to post anything, just cut and paste the following to share:

Lau Hero, a farmer, was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk.

Old Beng came in and asked Lau Hero, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

Lau Hero shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?" Old Beng asked as he sat down next to Lau Hero.

"Well," Lau Hero said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay," said Old Beng, "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," Lau Hero replied.

"So what happened then?" Old Beng asked.

Lau Hero said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."

"And then?"

"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."

Old Beng laughed and said, "Again?"

Lau Hero replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So, what did you do then?" Old Beng asked.

"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."

"And then?"

"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."

"Hmmm," Old Beng said and nodded his head.

"Some things you just can't explain," Lau Hero said.

"So, what did you do?" Old Beng asked.

"Well," Lau Hero said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."

lim peh kong wan liao

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Friday, June 23, 2006

Riddles Riddles

lim peh ka li kong

Know some riddles, try before scrolling down for answers la:

What do you call a deer that cannot see?
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No Idea. (No eye deer)

What do you call a deer that cannot see and cannot move?
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Still No Idea.

What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
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Hand shakes


You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
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A Tent.

A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always have me first. What am I?
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A Wedding Ring

What starts with a C and ends with a T, and it is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
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Coconut

狼来了 (猜水果)
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扬桃 (羊逃)

羊来了 (同样猜水果)
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草莓 (草没)

虫来了 (猜女明星)
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叶子眉 (叶子没)

女人跳舞 (猜男明星)
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杨群 (扬裙)

男厕爆满 (猜政治家)
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连战 (连站)

lim peh kong wan liao

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

福建童谣

从小就与外婆同住,记忆中还有些外婆当时教我的福建童谣,只是记得不是很准确。

童谣(一)

肥吖肥溜溜
坐马去福州
福州城麦蹄过
肥吖做皇帝
皇帝舞关刀
肥吖牵猪哥
猪哥勃勃跳
肥吖死翘翘

* 这只是一首童谣,绝对不是针对肥胖的人,各位看官别想太多。


童谣(二)

呜尼姑
敲橄榄
十二岁
做阿嬤
阿嬤长
阿嬤短
阿嬤偷吃油炸糕
油炸糕烧烧
阿嬤偷吃香蕉
香蕉白白
阿嬤生历历
历历乖乖
你的脚穿弯弯

* 这只是另一首童谣,绝对不是针对任何人,各位尼姑和阿嬤们别想太多。


童谣(三)

壳启壳
卖纸碌
卖无销
博肚饿
饿未死
打滚哩
打到你吖兰趴记 *

* 最后一句是老明自个儿加的,与外婆无关,特此声明。

奇怪!!为什么这三首童谣好象并不是很适合儿童嘞???

什么死翘翘啦、脚穿弯弯啦、兰趴记啦,不适合儿童的童谣?!?!

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

MEN & WOMEN

lim peh ka li kong

Men and Women, by nature, are worlds apart. Saw this email and can agree no more but guess all Women will not agree to its content.

Anyway, just for sharing the fun.

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colours, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered woman, invented sex.
Woman discovered sex, invented headache.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man was screwed after that.

Ha ha, so how true are these sentences?

lim peh kong wan liao

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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

忆先父

我成长于一个典型的华人家境,敬老尊贤、长幼有别、父亲乃一家之主的观念从小就根深蒂固。

在这四十多年来,我从不曾对着我的父母亲说过 “我爱你” 这三个字。我不爱他们吗?我肯定、确定很爱他们但就是说不出口,华人总是比较含蓄吧,我想。

从小我与父亲的关系就不亲;在我还是一个三个月大的小男婴时,父母亲就已经把我托给我的外婆看管和照顾。可能从小就只和外婆相依为伴,没什么人与我多接触与交谈,从小我就是个沉默寡言的小孩子。

自小我就被指示称我父亲为 “阿叔”,当时小脑袋瓜的我不明白为什么别家孩子都叫他们的父亲 “爸爸” 而我却不能叫自己的亲生父亲“爸爸”。

直到我到达入学的年龄我才搬回去与父母亲同住,也开始了父亲与我的多一点沟通,多一点了解。

犹记得小时候的我很怕父亲,一起吃饭的时候真的连气都不敢呼得太大声。现在回想一下,父亲当时其实并不可怕,只不过我小时候较沉静而父亲也是个不多话的人,除非他喝醉酒。

老实说,在我就读于小学其间,他并不是一个很好的父亲(一个我无法否认、隐藏以及改变的事实)。他是个喜欢喝酒的人,每个月在领了薪水后的头几晚,他一定会在深夜喝得醉醺醺的回来。

吵闹、穰嚷、发疯似的骂人,甚至于威胁着要打所有在他面前的人。

他会在门外闹事、吵嚷、狂笑、痛哭、张牙舞爪;有一两回,邻居们实在忍无可忍的报了警。

当时年少的我什么事都做不了,只能把自己关在房间里,脑海里就只想着他为什么会这样?我愧羞得无法面对邻居们,小小心灵甚至于希望警察叔叔们把发酒疯的他抓去坐牢。

但,清醒的父亲其实是个好父亲。和所以的父亲一样,他关心我的饮食与学业上的进展。

还记得在小二的时候,我考了第二名,只输给了第一名的同学一分。父亲四处炫耀似的告诉亲朋戚友他的儿子是全校第二名,只与第一名相差一分罢了,来年再拼过。父亲脸上那骄傲的笑容至今还清晰地锁在我脑海里。

然,当小学的我与父亲的关系正朝着越来越好的方向前进时,由于莫种因素(和父亲有关),我被迫于在我中学时期搬去和我的阿姨同住。我的成长期是在我阿姨家度过的,那一段日子说真的,过得并不好。

当时父亲每个月总会来找我吃晚餐,但我每回总会露出一脸的不悦,默默的与父亲吃完一顿饭。现在回想,其实当时的我总是很期待与父亲的一个月一次的聚餐,只是当年年纪太小,思想幼稚,一直怨恨父亲,因为他的缘故,我必须与阿姨同住。十八岁后,我终于离开了阿姨的家,搬去与婆婆住。

记得有一回,深夜两点半,我在睡梦中被电话吵醒。电话另一端传来父亲酒醉模糊不清的声音,只听见 “。。。睏。。。没注意。。。撞电灯。。。” 原来父亲喝醉酒驾车,发生车祸撞上电灯杆,幸好人没事,却需要我去保释他。那夜之后,虽然父亲没把酒戒掉,但我发觉他再没有喝醉的时候。

在我与查莫人注册结婚登记时,父亲是我的证婚人,当时父亲对我说了一番话:“结了婚就要一心一意的对查莫人好,多容忍、我们身为男人必须让女人多一些,毕竟她把自己的终生托付于你,知道吗?”

犹记得我购买第一辆车时,父亲陪我到几间车行试车;在买了车之后,也陪我到无人的停车场教导我倒退泊车的技巧。

印象最深刻的一件事,是当我在三十岁时因为胃溃疡内出血而住院。父亲在傍晚时分来医院探望我,除了坐在旁边陪着我,阅读着报纸,他几乎都不讲话。在他离去的时候,他用手拨了拨我额头上零乱的头发,只说道隔天再来看我。我不知晓我与父亲的体肢接触原来是这么的自然,半点也不觉得别扭。

还有,还有许多关于父亲的片段,都深藏在心底。带他吃各种不同类型的食物,日本餐、韩国餐、意大利餐等等,当然也还记得他初次尝到芥末(wasabi)的模样。但,吃到最后,他还是觉得中餐最好吃。

然后,父亲退休了,时间多了;有几回,他都和我吃早餐,之后载我到公司上班。

由于父亲没到过欧洲,我们父子两打算携手一同到欧洲旅游,好好走上它一两个月。只是当时我刚转换工作不到一个月,没办法申请假期,只好挪后到一年后才打算,这却是我人生中最遗憾的一件事。

父亲在我上班后的一个月后,逝世了。

其实现在回想父亲的点点滴滴,才惊觉原来父亲的种种事件间接的影响到我成长后的人生观:

因为他的酗酒,所以我不喝酒;
因为他不负责任的感情观,所以我珍惜身旁的人;
因为他理财的不当,所以我较为“吝啬”;

爸,我一切无恙。 事业、家庭都还可以,比上不足,比下有余。

虽然没能常去拜祭你,你却一直都在我心里。。。永远!

今年是我父亲逝世十周年,谨以此纪念他。

树欲静而风不止
子欲养而亲不在

=======

后记 : 有一晚,独自一人在家观赏 “陈弈迅演唱会” DVD,当他唱到 “单车” 那句 “如孩儿能伏于爸爸的肩膊 谁要下车”,突然悲从中来,鼻子一酸。。。


单车 – 陈弈迅

不要不要假设我知道
一切一切也都是为我而做
为何这么伟大 如常感觉不到
不说一句的爱有多好?
只有一次记得实在接触到
骑着单车的我两 怀紧贴背的拥抱

* 难离难舍想抱紧些
茫茫人生好象荒野
如孩儿能伏于爸爸的肩膊 谁要下车
难离难舍总有一些
常情如此不可推卸
任世间再冷酷 想起着单车还有幸福可借
(任世间怨我坏 可知我只得你承受我的狂或野)

经已给我怎会看不到
虽说演你角色实在有难度
从来虚位以待 何不给个拥抱?
想我怎去相信这一套
多疼惜我却不便让我知道
怀念单车给你我 唯一有过的拥抱

难离难舍想抱紧些
茫茫人生好象荒野
如孩儿能伏于爸爸的肩膊
哪怕遥遥长路多斜
你爱我爱多些 让我他朝走得坚壮些
你介意来爱护 又靠谁施舍

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Intereseting New Meaning of Words

lim peh ka li kong

Me saw this blog by ZenEkz, a new interesting way to look at the meanings of the words.

You will know what I mean if you click here.
* Source from ZenEkz blog *

// Quote //

THE NEW OXFORT DICKTIONARY

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some people ever get to open their mouth.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience : The name people give to their mistakes.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

//ZenEkz counting dwn 8days//



// Unquote //

lim peh kong wan liao

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Monday, June 12, 2006

A Pig'sTrotter

lim peh ka li kong

Last week, don't know which day liao, me saw that there was a small wound-bite on my right foot and it was hyper itchy.

Think most of us know, when you have a itch, whether by mosquito or whatever, you normally cannot resist the urge of scratching it.

Anyway, think me scratched the small tiny little wound a few times, maybe more than a few times, and the skin of the small wound then broke and fluid was coming out from it.

Me remembered that when me had my shower that night, it was rather painful when water touched the wound.

On Saturday evening, after me and my cha-bo-lang went for our weekly foot-reflexology, me realised that my foot seemed to be swelling a little bit.

On Sunday morning, when me woke up, me let out a cry when me put my foot on the floor when getting out from the bed. My right foot was swollen and looked like a pig's trotter.

It was swollen, red in colour due to the inflammation, and painful when me tried walking.

No choice, cha-bo-lang drove me to the Clinic.

So I have a MC for today.

Friends, I present to you, my pig's trotter.......arrrgh!!!!

lim peh kong wan liao



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The Earth

lim peh ka li kong

Me received an email from my friend, Mr A, regarding the size of Earth. Like to share it with all of you:

// Quote //

I wonder who in the universe has the time to think up all these & draw up such comparisons to share with us all, but nevertheless I just like the last line...


Compare The Size Of The Earth With Other Planets



Now Compare It With Uranus & Neptune


Now Earth Against Sun


Against the Sun, Earth is like a dot.

Think. How about Earth against the Universe?

Think again. Where do you find yourself now?

Now imagine the creator of this universe?

Don't tell God how big your problems are, in fact tell your Problems how big God is.

// Unquote //

lim peh kong wan liao

* Note: Please refrain from leaving comments about the issue of GOD, the message of this blog is targeted only on Earth and Problem. I reserve the rights to delete comments which are deemed not appropriate. My sole discretion for deletion, of course. *

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Friday, June 09, 2006

Some (RA) Jokes

lim peh ka li kong

Weekend coming, in happy mood and feel a little bit naughty. Remembered the following few (RA) jokes and like to share with you. Hope they brighten your day :-

=====

A little boy was so jealous of his new born brother that he put poison on the nipples of his mom while she was asleep. Now comes the sad part - the next day their father died...

x x x x x

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active men what they most enjoyed about a blow job.
99% said, the 10 minutes silence.

x x x x x

What is a kiss?

Kiss is an enquiry on the first floor, about vacancy on the ground floor.

x x x x x

What do Bungee Jumping & Prostitution have in common?

With both pleasure last for 35 seconds and if the rubber breaks, you are screwed.

x x x x x

Lady: Doctor, an ant entered my vagina. Please help and take it out.

Doctor removes her panty and starts making love to her.

Lady (angry): What are you doing?

Doctor: This is the only way, I will drown the bastard.

x x x x x

Why do women love gold more than man?

Because gold has 24 carrots while man has only 1 carrot.

x x x x x

Pinocchio complains to his father, saying, "Whenever I attempt to make love to a woman, she complains of splinters."

His father shows pity and gives Pinocchio a piece of sandpaper to sand his knob down whenever he needs to.

A few days later during dinner, his father asks, "How are the girls?"

"Girls?" Pinocchio replies, "Who needs girls?"

x x x x x

Riddle : 3 men having shower together.

Guess an electrical appliance. (Note: Answer must be in Hokkien)

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Answer: Washing Machine. (Catch no ball?)


In Hokkien (洗衣机 = 洗三支)

=====

All the above are not the original creation of Old Beng, sources received via emails, hear-say and magazines.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

莫强求

(旧著)

很多人总喜欢强迫另一些人去做他们不喜欢的事。

大人最爱强逼小孩子听话、顺从,强求小孩子补习、学电脑、学弹钢琴、学跳舞、学游泳、学。。。

每每见到或听到这些大人随心所欲的所作所为,总会替那些小孩子感到悲哀,其实小孩子都天真非常,何必把他们惟有的童真逼得消失到无影无踪?!

老板们总喜欢强求职员们尽全力为他“搏命”,非得听从他的命令不可。老板们所说的话其实就是“圣旨”;就算老板说只是一些他个人的意见,叫职员们一起考虑、商量;别天真得相信他有商量的余地,一切都已被他订好,得绝对顺从他的意见。商量?等你自己做老板吧!

恋爱久了,总有一方开始变得不可理喻,要求对方样样听从他的吩咐去做,非得要有个十全十美、完全顺从他的意思的伴侣不可。

就算他真的能做到你所有的要求又如何?他根本丧失了自我;一个处处以你的指示而活的他、一个完全没有自我的傀儡,就是你心目中的理想伴侣?

每个人都有自己的想法和自己希望做的事;人人都想好好的为自己而活。每个人都应有自己的天空,控制与占有并不代表你有势有权,何必强求他人顺从你?处处以你为中心?

如果你现在正扮演着一个强求他人的角色,行行好,放他一马;让他也能有一个完全属于他自己的天空,对你,对他都好,真的。

=====

2006 后语:
占有欲太强、控制心太重,总会令人感到窒息,老明我也需经过一段时间才懂得这个道理。。。

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Friday, June 02, 2006

A Dinner With Bloggers

lim peh ka li kong

Yesterday after work, 01st June 2006, me and my cha-bo-lang headed for IMM Hoshi Japanese Restaurant for dinner.

We were a bit excited cos we would be meeting some freinds and a new face - Dandan.

Yeah, some of the bloggers we know were meeting there for a makan session together. People attended the session were Old Beng and Cha-bo-lang, Dandan, Xorpheus and Elydia.

Me and cha-bo-lang were on time and we managed to get a private room for our buffet dinner despite the Restaurant was having a full-house. (Heng ah, me suggested this Restaurant but did not bother to do a booking and turned out to be a full house BUT luck was with us). Sorry folks, we almost had no dinner last night.

A short while later, Dandan, Elydia and Xorpheus arrived.

We placed our order of sashimi and sushi and udon and grilled fish and tofu and salad and prawns and chawamushi and chicken and most of all, few rounds of salmon cos we have a salmon queen with us.

All 5 of us talked and ate and talked and ate until all 5 stomachs (at least mine) bloated up with all the food we ordered.

It was really fun to hang out once in a while with friends and had a good meal but to me, the best part was not the food but the companion of friends.

Forget about our work stress, forget about our personal problems, forget about our endless bills to settle for that 2 - 3 hours and indulged ourselves in laughters.

Though me and cha-bo-lang only met Dandan for the first time, we were able to click and talk like long-time friends as she is a very friendly lady.

Jokes, Facts about cups, Chinese gesture when someone pours you tea, dogs, bloggers world, Age (me the oldest, sob sob) and many more issues were spoken among us. This minute we were talking about serious issues on relationship and the next minute jokes were cracked and laughters from us could be heard even from the entrance of the Restaurant.

Good time really passes very fast and the Restaurant closes at 10 pm everyday so we called for the bill.

There were about 6-7 pieces of sashimi untouched and we were told by one of the waitresses that if we did not finish them, there will be a penalty for the left over so each one of us finished one piece each.

The bad point of having buffet is that kiasu people like me will tend to order more than what me can consume and therefore overeating which is rather unhealthy.

Credit must be given to Dandan for arranging for this makan session and taking the high risk of not be able to eat after seeing my face.

Attached photos to share with you. Only 4 faces cos my cha-bo-lang was the camera woman.

Ah yes, don´t @#€%$¿ me cos me was the only one with my trademark, ha ha.

lim peh kong wan liao

Xorpheus, Elydia, Dandan, Old Beng

Old Beng, Elydia, Dandan, Xorpheus

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Nice Reply

lim peh ka li kong

This is one of the best email articles me received, share share with you:

=====

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.

So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

A self-induced hangover - $100.00
Broken furniture - $200.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing - PRICELESS

=====

Hope me also have the same kind of response like Marty even if me is drunk, if not sure die one.

lim peh kong wan liao

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又见老英雄

令伯卡你讲

老英雄从小就是双语知识份子,英语和华语都顶呱呱。

不信?看看他小学读书时所造的句子:

难过:我们家前面有一条大水沟,很难过去。

如果:可乐不如果汁营养。

天真:今天真热,真是游泳的好日子。

十分:妹妹只考十分,真是丢脸。

从容:我做事情,都从容易的做起。

棉被:小玉的卫生棉被偷了。

便当:我把大便当做每天起床第一件要做的事。

怎样?老英雄厉害吧?!?

令伯讲完了

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