写实伊妹儿

令伯卡你讲

刚收到一则伊妹儿，分享分享：
=====

写实的现代人病态

男想高女想瘦
狗穿衣裳人露肉

过去把第一次留给丈夫
现在把第一胎留给丈夫

乡下早晨鸡叫人
城里晚上人叫鸡

旧社会戏子卖艺不卖身
新社会演员卖身不卖艺

=====
没钱与有钱

没钱的时候——养猪
有钱的时候——养狗

没钱的时候——在家里吃野菜
有钱的时候——在酒店吃野菜

没钱的时候——想结婚
有钱的时候——想离婚

没钱的时候——老婆兼秘书
有钱的时候——秘书兼老婆

没钱的时候——假装有钱
有钱的时候——假装没钱
=====

人啊——都不说实话

说股票是毒品——都在玩
说金钱是罪恶——都在捞
说美女是祸水——都想要
说高处不胜寒——都在爬
说烟酒伤身体——都不戒
说天堂最美好——都不去
=====

令伯讲完了

英雄、又见英雄

令伯卡你讲

献上一些老明听过的小笑话，感谢老英雄情商演出。

=====

老英雄因为太胖，肚子因为太大，每次站着绑鞋带都痛苦不堪。

有一天他向好友老明抱怨这件事，老明就教他：“老英雄，你可以把脚搭在椅子上绑呀，你就会轻松地多了。”

不料第二天，老英雄一看到老明就破口大骂：“你实在不够朋友，你教我的方法害我更加痛苦！”

老明大惑不解，便叫老英雄示范给他看。

老英雄便把右脚搭在椅子上，弯下腰去绑左脚的鞋带。

=====

老英雄刚刚结婚不久，某夜，老婆正在厨房里忙着晚餐。

老英雄为了体贴老婆，想帮老婆做点家事，于是就对亲爱的老婆说：“老婆，我能帮忙什么吗？”

老婆说：“看你苯手苯脚的，找点简单的，就剥洋葱好了。”

老英雄想这个简单不过了。不过刚剥不久，老英雄就被呛得一把鼻涕一把泪的。心想，这真不是一件容易的事，又不好意思去向老婆请教，只好打电话向老妈讨救兵。

老妈说：“这很容易嘛，你在水中剥不就得了。”

老英雄于是按着老妈的方法，完成了老婆的任务，开心得不得了。

隔天，老英雄打电话向老妈说：“老妈，妳的方法真不赖，不过好虽好，美中不足的就是要时常换气，好累人喔！”

=====

新婚夫妇老明与查某人邀请了好朋友老英雄来家中吃饭，不知怎么的，老英雄将一叉子弄断了。

“不要紧，” 老明连忙安慰道：“那不过是一套廉价货。”

太太转身大叫：“天啊！那是老英雄送给我们的结婚礼物。”

=====

令伯讲完了

Friends 2009

lim peh ka li kong

In 2006, my buddy R came back to Singapore to celebrate CNY and I posted our photo in my blog then.

This year, R came back to Singapore for good.

3 of us took another photo, sitting in the same house, on the same sofa, and the same position as previous year.


After 3 years, lim peh can only say that lim peh's hair is whiter but still have la; R has more faces to wash but lesser hair to comb; L has become skinnier but still as fit;
Hmmm.... wonder why the older we get, the more oily faces we have.
2006 Friends post

lim peh kong wan liao

China Relatives

lim peh ka li kong

Last year, my relatives from China came to Singapore for a short stay.

Me, a very free good person, offered my service and brought them around for some sight-seeing and tasting of our local food.

I brought my China Uncle, Aunty, Cousin and Niece to the Hawker Centre at Ghim Moh.

After walking 2 rounds in the Hawker Centre, we finally managed to find a seat when a family left after their meal.

The table was full of their uncleared plates and used tissue paper.

I told my China relatives to be seated while I went around buying some food for them.

Thinking of letting them have more variety in our local food, I ordered Carrot Cakes (both black and white), Nasi Lemak, Fried Bee-hoon noodles and chui-kway 水粿.
While I brought the chui-kway 水粿 to the table where they were seated, my China Uncle saw a woman pushing a trolley walking past and he said to the woman,"喂！来把这些碗碟收了吧。"

The woman who was pushing the trolley stared at my China Uncle with eyes open big big and I had to apologize to her cos my China Uncle had mistaken her, a hawker, as the cleaner.

I told my China Uncle that he had made a mistake but he said, "是吗？她就象是个收碗碟的嘛。。。"

Anyway, I managed to locate a cleaner nearby and asked her to help us cleared the plates on our table.

On the table were some used tissue-paper which was left behind by the family before us and my China Uncle just took it to clean the table top.

Piangz!! I darn scared my China Uncle suddenly wanted to touch my hand. Luckily lim peh was spared.

On top of the local food in Ghim Moh, we also brought them to a Chinese Restaurant and had dinner. (Lim peh paid the highest price for the fish we ordered - $160 for 1 fish) 令伯一边吃着贵鱼一边流着泪。
What the fish!!

Lim peh kong wan liao

Them Again

lim peh ka li kong

Remember the old couple: Charlie and Wife?

=====

Charlie and his wife were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, "Then, you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, "Then, you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed covers, got out of bed and walk away.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth lah!"

=====

lim peh kong wan liao

Father In Law's Birthday

lim peh ka li kong

There is 1 man in this world whom I am grateful to : my Father-In-Law.

Without him, there will be no cha-bo-lang for me, scary hor!!!!

Anyway, last year during his birthday, we had a simple dinner at our house and my cha-bo-lang bought a cake for him.

Yummy Birthday Cake

Birthday boy posing

Cake Cutting

I wished my Father-In-Law a long long life ahead.

lim peh kong wan liao