lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Momoe Yamaguchi 山口百惠

lim peh ka li kong

Many many years ago, when I first knew my cha-bo-lang, she liked 山口百惠 Momoe Yamaguchi very much.

Although at that time I preferred 中森明菜 Akina to 山口百惠 Momoe Yamaguchi but through my cha-bo-lang, I started to listen to some her songs too.

Actually I heard 2 of her songs in Cantonese version prior to hearing of the original versions sang by her.

1 song is the one sang by Leslie Cheung 张国荣的"风继续吹" and 1 more sang by Albert Aw 欧瑞强(cannot remember the title of the song liao).

During her prime time, our local TV station did telecast some of Momoe Yamaguchi 山口百惠 Japanese series.

As much as I tried to recall and write more about Momoe Yamaguchi 山口百惠 career paths, my mind now is rather empty as the news of the Japan entertainment wasn´t really easily accessible then.

I can only remember that Momoe Yamaguchi 山口百惠 left the entertainment limelight after she got married and since then she has never come back to show business. For that, I salute her.

Managed to find 3 of the MV and I shall post them here for my cha-bo-lang.

lim peh kong wan liao

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Friday, July 27, 2007

5 Shocking Facts Of The World

lim peh ka li kong

Me received the following email from a friend and like to share share with you.

5 Shocking Facts of d World..............

Fact 1: You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue
Fact 2: After reading the first fact, most fools people try it.
Fact 3: Of course Fact 1 is false la. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha..................

Fact 4: Now you are laughing !!!

Fact 5: You want to fool your friends also... so you will forward them an email soon

or better still, ask them to read my blog la

lim peh kong wan liao

* What?!?! You did not laugh even a little bit? Ok lor, lim peh lame lor.


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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

10 Things A Man Shouldn´t Say During his First Date

lim peh ka li kong

If you are having your first date with a girl, please keep in mind not to utter the followings:

1) You look like my mum.

2) I just love kids and I will have at least 10 children when I got married.

3) You really remind me of my ex.

4) Do you have some extra money to lend me.

5) I love Power-Puff girls.

6) Keep praising your sex power and say things like "I am very strong in bed, you know?" and give her the 色眯眯 wolfy-look.

7) Bad-mouthed practically everybody you know; from your boss to your office cleaner; From your neighbour to the uncle selling kopi in the coffee shop; From your siblings to your uncles/aunties;

8) Tell her you will be the next Singapore Idol and start to sing loudly despite you are in a crowded restaurant.

9) Tell her you believe in showing your true-self and start to dig your nose and fart loudly during the date.

10) After every few seconds, look at her and ask,"Don´t you think I am handsome?"

lim peh kong wan liao

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Saturday, July 21, 2007







(2) 两只驴子





鸭子大怒:"妈的,算计我? 我一出是布,他总是剪刀。"


狗对熊说:"嫁给我吧, 嫁给我你会幸福。"






(6)蜜蜂, 蝴蝶, 蜗牛




(7) 宁死不屈的鸡
一戶农家明天杀鸡,晚上喂鸡时说 :"快吃吧,这是你最后一頓!"









蚯蚓就问他说: "你在干嘛?"

蚂蚁说:"噓!! 不要吵!! 我要绊倒大象'







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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

An Incident 6

Lim peh ka li kong

This incident happened in the early 70s...


"Dear, how long more before we are there?" Jane asked her husband Peter who was driving the old Nissan.

Peter and Jane were newly wed. Both of them were Malaysians who worked in Singapore to earn more due to the favourable exchange rates. As Chinese New Year was just around the corner, they had decided to go back to their hometown in Malaysia.

"Another 2 hours at most. Why? Is my dear-dear sleepy? Take a nap and when you open your eyes again, we will be home." Peter touched Jane´s face affectionately as he answered her.

"No, I am not tired, just wondering if this old car which you borrowed from Ah Huat can function well till we reach home." Jane asked Peter as the Nissan had just been collected from the workshop in the evening before heading home.

"Don´t worry, it will be fine."

The long, bumpy, deserted road in semi-lit lamp-posts looked rather eerie and the trees along the road made the scenery more scary to Jane as she had heard so many "Ghost" stories which happened along this inevitable route back to Malaysia.

After driving for another 15 minutes or so, the old Nissan started to cough and purr and finally puffed out its last cough and decided to take a rest.

Peter steered the car to the roadside and switched on the hassle hazard lights in order not to stand in the way of the traffic. He switched off the car engine and waited for 3 minutes before turning the car key again to try to start it.

The car coughed and coughed but just refused to start its engine again.

Peter turned and looked at Jane, "Guess it´s the engine, I am going down to take a look at the engine. Lock the door after I get off."

Peter pecked on Jane´s cheek before stepping out of the car to look at the engine.

Jane immediately locked the door after Peter got down the car.

Peter walked to the front of the car and lifted up the bonnet trying to figure out the problem of the old car.

Jane sat in the car anxiously as she could not see Peter with the bonnet lifted up in front.

Slowly and gradually, Jane felt her eye-lids were getting heavier and heavier and she dozed off into sleep...

Jane suddenly jerked awake and by looking at her watch, she realised that she had dozed off and for a mere 15 minutes. She looked around but she still could not see Peter as the bonnet was still raised.

Although it was past midnight, a car zoomed past her in an average interval of every 3 to 5 minutes and that made Jane felt better knowing that even if Peter could not fix the car, they should be able to hitch-hike a ride from someone.

Another 15 minutes passed and Peter was still out there trying hard to solve the problem.

Suddenly, Jane heard a soft thud coming from the top of the car. Although it was quite soft, she actually jumped and almost let out a scream cos it was so quiet sitting in the car alone.

As the car was stopped under the trees, Jane told herself that the soft thud was none other than the falling of twigs from the trees.

"Thud." Another soft knocked on the top of the car. Then another "thub", then another and another, each getting a little bit louder. The funny thing was that Jane could not see any twig whatsoever falling from the trees nearby.

Jane tried very hard to look for Peter who was supposed to be standing in front trying to fix the engine problem but with the uplifted bonnet, her visual was blocked.




The knocking sound became louder and louder but still bearable.

Then Jane saw a car coming from a distance behind and the car actually slowed down while overtaking Jane´s stationary car.

Jane prayed that the driver of the car would stop and gave them a helping hand but no, the driver just slowed down a little while driving passed her.

The driver in the car was an Indian guy and Jane saw that he was staring at her with 2 big round eyes and for 1 moment she thought he looked afraid, very afraid.

The next thing Jane knew, the car sped away in high speed.

Jane was really puzzled as to why the Indian driver looked so frightened and sped away so fast.

"Thud! Thud! Thud!" The knocks became louder and louder and Jane was feeling more and more frightened. She looked around desperately for Peter but the was no sign of him.


From the rear mirror, Jane saw another vehicle driving towards her again. She almost opened the car door to get out to wave for the vehicle but the "thud" sound from above made her stayed tight.

The on-coming vehicle was a van and the driver started to slow down the speed when nearing to Jane´s car.

As the van drove pass Jane, she could see that the middle-aged couple with their son were seated in the front of the van. While driving parallel to Jane, both the husband and wife stared at Jane with 2 pair of big big eyes. Once again, Jane thought she saw fear in the eyes of the 2 person in the van.

Unfortunately, the driver of the van did not stop his van but instead picked up his speed and drove off quickly.

All the while, the knocking thuds from the top of the car did not stop at all, the thuds kept going on and on.

As more and more vehicles drove pass her without stopping to lend a helping hand, more and more fearful stares from the owners of the vehicles, Jane got more and more worried. She could not see Peter at all and the knocking thuds were getting louder and louder.

Finally, just before she lost her nerves, she saw 2 Police cars speeding towards her with the sirens shrieking loudly and lights flashing brightly in the night.

Thank goodness.

Both the Police cars stopped as they approached Jane´s car.

All 4 policemen, 2 from each car, stepped out of the car and walked cautiously towards Jane.

Jane opened the car door and the 4 policemen looked very anxious and 1 of them said, "Miss, slowly, please get out slowly."

Jane was very puzzled at the 4 policemen´s cautiousness but since all of them looked so kan-chiong, she refrained herself from rushing out of the car but got out very slowly.

"Good. Just keep calm and walk slowly to us. No, don´t look back now, just walk steadily and calmly towards us. Everything will be alright."

Walking half way towards the 4 policemen, she heard a loud "Thud" coming from the car behind her. She almost turned around to take a look but the policeman stopped her, "No Miss, dont you look back now, just keep walking."

Finally, Jane reached the 4 policemen and 1 of the policemen immediately pulled her towards the police car.

It was then that Jane turned around to look at the car and she broke into a hysterical shriek upon seeing the unbelievable.

There, sitting on top of the car was a man, holding something in his hands and kept knocking it onto the top of the car.

The thing which he was holding and knocking continuously was Peter´s head..........

lim peh kong wan liao


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Monday, July 16, 2007

Be Faithful

lim peh ka li kong

Never agitate a woman and stay faithful for the rest of your life.

Scared bo?!?!?!
lim peh kong wan liao


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Thursday, July 12, 2007




由于科学家至今无法肯定,这世界是否有幽灵的存在、故对于鬼怪之说,人们总是半信半疑,即使自己本身碰到此类东西,而将它告诉朋友时,他们总会说是心理作祟。可是,当你和三五位朋友互相交换经历,你就不难发觉鬼魂之说的存在性有多少。因此,你就会存有 “宁可信其有,不可信其无” 的心理。。。









x x x x x



























x x x x x



“好了,现在到我告诉你们我所遇见过的事。” 男乙说道。。。




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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

3 Japanese Songs 三首日本歌

Hope you enjoy the following 3 songs which I like very much.

Ken Hirai 平井坚
This is a very nice song and the MV was beautifully shot. I bought his CD because of this 1 song.

Southern All Stars 南方之星
The lead singer who is also the composer cum lyrics writer has a coarse voice. Many of his songs had been translated and sung by the Taiwanese and Hong Kong singers.

Anzenchitai 安全地带

Unique voice, talented song writer.

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Monday, July 09, 2007

Glossary of Management Terms

lim peh ka li kong

Guess most of us came across the following Management terms but let me share with you the true meanings of the terms in layman explanation:


Ambitious : Ruthless

Analytical Projection : Guess

Deficiency Analysis : Search for scapegoat

Deficit : Staggering loss

Delayed : Forgotten

Delegate : Pass the buck

Environmental Pollution : Other people´s waste

Urgency : Panic

Extreme Urgency : Blind panic

Forecast : Guess

Frank Discussion : Bloody argument

Industrial By-product : Waste

Long-Range Forecast : Wild guess

Pending : Haven´t figured it out yet

Profit Before Tax : Loss

Scheduled : Hoped for

Shrewd : Devious

Strategy : Low cunning

Supplementary Statistical Information : Padding

Terminal Payment : Golden handshake


Understand better? Good!

lim peh kong wan liao


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Thursday, July 05, 2007

RA Jokes On Lau Hero Once Again

lim peh ka li kong

Heard of the following jokes, will like to share with you.

x x x x x

Lau Hero´s wife stands looking at her naked body in the mirror. Unhappy with what she see, she turns to her husband Lau Hero and says, "I´m fat and ugly and my breasts are saggy. Pay me a compliment."

Lau Hero thinks for a while, before replying, "Your eyesight is bloody brilliant."

x x x x x

One day, Lau Hero comes upon a big, long ladder stretching into the clouds. Curious, he starts climbing it and enters into the clouds. He sees a large, homely woman lying on the cloud. She says, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!"

Lau Hero figures success has to be better than this, so he keeps climbing. He comes upon another level of clouds, and finds a lithe, sexy, super hottie lying seductively on the cloud. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she whispers. Lau Hero can´t believe his luck, but his greed gets the better of him. He climbs even higher, expecting Venus or better!

Suddenly the ladder ends and a trapdoor closes behind him. He looks up to see a hairy 180kg, 1.95m smelly biker bloke with tattoo! The biker walks towards him menacingly. Lau Hero starts to stammer, "Who are you?"

The biker answers, "I´m Cess."

x x x x x

Mr and Mrs Lau Hero come across a painting of three black men on a bench and are confused as to why the middle one has a white penis. They stand staring at it until the museum curator comes up to explain.

"Myself and my fellow critics believe this painting represents the oppression of African American males in a predominantly Caucasian society," he reveals.

Mr and Mrs Lau Hero are still perplexed, however, so are delighted when the Welsh artist offers to explain his vision.

"Does it really represent the oppression of African American males in a predominantly Caucasian society?" Lau Hero asks.

"No," replies the painter. "There aren´t even any African American males in that painting. They´re three Welsh coal miners, and the guy in the middle has just been home for lunch!"

x x x x x

Candy, Lau Hero´s daughter, misses her period for 2 months... Her worried mum makes her take a pregnancy test and it´s positive!

Cursing and crying, Mrs Lau Hero screams, "Who was the pig who did this?!"

Candy makes a call and 20 minutes later a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man, wearing a very expensive suit, steps out and enters the house. He greets the parents, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can´t marry her because of my personal family situation but I´ll take the responsibility. If a girl is born, I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a beach villa and 1 million dollars. If a boy is born, he will receive a couple of factories and 2 million. If it is twins, I´ll give 5 factories each and 5 million to each child. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, Lau Hero. who had remained silent, places his hand firmly on the man´s shoulder and tells him, "You can try again!"

x x x x x

Special appearances : Lau Hero & family.

Note : All jokes are not the creation of Old Beng, sources from emails, hear-say and magazines.

lim peh kong wan liao


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Tuesday, July 03, 2007










有些人天生一张娃娃脸,永远都似长不大。别人总认为 “年轻” 的他不够稳重,难以完成大事。如果长得 “娇小玲珑”,外带一张 Baby Face ,更不得了。别人会一直以为你才十多岁,其实已经三张没得找了,还一直把你当小孩看待。

长得 “成熟” 也不见得好。(除了看 RA 级片不必携带登记。)明明只有十多二十岁,别人却称你为阿叔或阿姨。


不过既已拥有这么一副尊相,就随遇而安吧,看起来成熟一点也蛮不错的。(阿 Q 精神)。。。


2007 后语

20 多岁年轻时,看起来象30多40岁;


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