lim peh ka li kong 令伯卡你讲

Skill and style of telling stories is as per what you see - Singlish plus Hokkien dialects. Kam siah for coming into my BLOG and read, thank you! All content is copywrite "Old Beng" unless otherwise noted.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Blog Posts I'll Like To Share (3)

lim peh ka li kong

After my previous 2 posts sharing of blog posts lim peh like part 1 and part 2, these are few more which lim peh will like to share:

Don't know why but the word "Beng" sure put a smile on my face. Anyway, read this post and will like to share:
Hero Ah Beng

Meepok is a guy who writes very funny posts, too bad he is currently too busy with his meekia and have been blogging lesser and lesser. One of his posts which makes me smile:
Meepok's La Kopi

Chanced upon Moomooman 's blog via Cheeky, read this one and find it quite funny.
Moomooman's Horoscope

当初读到这篇文章,狗狗一段那么长时间的受苦着、痛着,我几乎没把粗话给搬了出来。后来,在留言里才知晓、才明白来龙去脉。爱狗的孤星老方

李邪是个才女 :广播、话剧、涂写样样都来,样样都行。我不爱谈政治但我喜欢这篇“儿童故事”,哈。
李邪的儿童故事

// Quote //

Sunday, February 17, 2008
儿童屁话故事
从前有一只老搞,他想把一个落后的村子建成繁华的都市。 于是,老搞找了很多其他的动物帮忙。

牛只会苦干,它答应了。 因为老搞告诉它,一完工,牛就有自己的牛栏。 牛很开心,埋头苦干。

红头公鸡也加入,因为他希望自己的母鸡可以在一个安定的鸡寮生蛋,养育小鸡。

还有羊,马,猪都流汗出力,就算在工程中受伤流血,也没有怨言。

为的就是,那个老搞勾画出来的美丽远景。 都市慢慢成形,也开始繁华。 大家都很安慰。

可是,有一天,牛发现,老搞住的房子,比它们的大很多。 而且,还有会冒泡的桑那浴sauna.

牛问老搞,为什么你的那么大,我的牛栏还是这么小? 而且,我到死,牛栏也不是我的,我的子孙还得继续还牛栏租?

老搞说,牛栏也是一块地,你知道地皮有多珍贵吗? 它又说,我是领袖,你知道当领袖,有多辛苦吗? 这个桑那浴,只是为了消除疲劳,好让我可以继续日理万机。

牛很老实,也不再多问。

老搞开始担心,其他动物也心有不满,于是它召集大家。 老搞很悲伤地说,我们的远景,还没有实现。 大家很惊讶,奇怪,这个都市不是已经很繁荣了吗?

老搞说,我们要累积财富,不然会坐吃山空。 它说,为了大家以后的好日子,我的计划是,每个人定时拿出部分薪水。 我会设立一个小财库,帮你们储蓄。同时,也挪出部分去做生意,钱滚钱,增加我们大家的积蓄。

公鸡很为难,可是我要养家,薪水都不够用呢!

老搞说,你只为现在盘算,是很危险的。你要想想你的晚年。 如果,现在我不逼你们储蓄,以后你们就穷到要吃自己生的蛋。 动物们听了很害怕。

猪举手问,那我们几时才能拿回自己的积蓄? 老搞安抚他们,等你们退休,就可以享福了。 你们相信我,凭我的远见,一定会给你们好日子过。

大家想,老搞一直比它们聪明,应该可以相信它。 于是,大家果然定时拿出薪水,放在小财库。

老搞找了其他老搞商量,拿了这些钱去做生意。 可是,生意失败了。 老搞不敢告诉其他动物,心里很烦忧。 绝不能让它们知道,否则怎么交代? 于是,老搞又召集大家。

猪心急地问,生意做得怎样? 老搞笑说,我们越来越顶级,充满机会和商机。 猪问不出个所以然,只好去大便。

公鸡又问,我家的老妈生病了,请问我几时可以拿回积蓄给她看病? 老搞说,哦,别担心,那些病房都有津贴。 公鸡也问不出个所以然,只好拔自己的鸡毛出气。

牛又问,到底几时可以呢? 老搞没办法,只好说,我们应该延长你们储蓄的期限。 大家不解,茫然对望。

老搞很严肃地说,这是为你们好。 他转向正在大便的猪,问,你只会拉屎,有理财能力吗?拿回积蓄,你会投资,钱滚钱吗? 猪很茫然。它的钱都不够买大便纸,还剩什么财来理? 老搞很痛心说,你看,如果以后猪花光积蓄,它就来跟我们借钱,连累我们。 你们没有理财计划,这样叫我怎么放心? 等你们没有牙齿,走不动时,积蓄都花光,怎么办? 大家不知道怎么回答。

牛想,我连今天买草当晚餐都有问题,又怎么可能活到掉光牙齿那么鬼远? 老搞叹气,你们要有远见。 说完,老搞捂胸,很不舒服。

公鸡问,你怎么了? 老搞说,我日理万机,你知道多辛苦吗?我希望有更多小老搞来帮我分担。

母鸡问,它们为什么不帮你?

老搞说,日理万机多吃力,香蕉很少,它们嫌弃。

牛说,你吃的已经比我们多了!

老搞说,明天起,我会增加香蕉,好慰劳肯帮我的小老搞。

大家说不过它,只好悻然失望回家。 果然,老搞真的加了很多蕉,也延后大家拿回积蓄的时限。

老搞松了口气。这下好了,可以再去做生意,把亏的钱都赚回来。 可是,其他动物已经越来越不开心,也越来越穷困。 日子并没有更好,只有越来越贵。 当初的远景,到底去了哪里? 他们也想不通。

老搞决定,应该是时候平息众怒。 它又召集大家,很满意地宣布做慈善。 来来来,大家分一点。 来来来,分享财富。 大家都拿了一个小红包,总算可以暂时度日。

老搞很放心,却有点不高兴。 你们怎么没说谢谢呢?

从来不开口的羊哈哈大笑。 拿回自己的钱,合情合理,还要谢你咩?咩!咩!咩。。。。!

呵呵,故事讲到这里,李大嫂要去睡觉了。

小朋友,你们自己接下去。

Posted by 李邪 at 2:19 AM
// Unquote //

lim peh kong wan liao
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Monday, June 23, 2008

An Expensive Place

lim peh ka li kong

When lim peh got home from work last night, my cha-bo-lang demanded that I take her out to some place expensive
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so I took her to the Petrol Station.

lim peh kong wan liao
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Thursday, June 19, 2008

My Top Favourites

lim peh ka li kong

Looking back, lim peh have written some 350+ of posts since 26 September, 2005.

In the beginning, lim peh will post a new entry every other day (sometimes everyday) and then slowly, averagely one entry every 3 to 5 days. Of all the 350 over entries, there are some posts lim peh love very much.

I present to you, in chronological order, my 10 top Favourite posting:

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Lim peh started writing in Yahoo Messengers Board in 2005 with the creation of the character Old Beng and his Fiona Xie lookalike wife with the pure intention to bring some joy to the then "over-heated" argued topics.
Old Beng Went To Orchard Road

With Old Beng as character, lim peh wrote a few more stories and this one on MRT is one lim peh like very much. (Yeah lim peh know la, self-praised is international disgrace, so?!)
Old Beng On MRT

After blogging for a few months, lim peh met up with some bloggers and we had a singing karaoke session night. Some of the bloggers have vanished into thin air and we have lost contacts with them. (Kns, must have been frightened by my singing). I think this was when lim peh started to blanco our faces in the photos.
Bloggers' Night Karaoke KTV Session

Me and my cha-bo-lang went to Madrid and Barcelona and the post has more than 100 pictures. Spain is really a nice country and I actually prefer Madrid/Barcelona to Paris.
Madrid And Barcelona

During my father's 10th year death Annivesary, I wrote an article about him. As my father was Chinese educated, I wrote it in Chinese.
忆先父

Having the high risk of "ear-paining" from my cha-bo-lang, lim peh wrote the posts on 10 Beautiful Girls. Actually hor, I knew my cha-bo-lang will not be angry after she read this post.
10 Beautiful Girls

Whem lim peh was younger, me wrote ghost stories for a Chinese weekly Magazine and somehow, itchy hand, lim peh wrote some incident for my English reader and the one lim peh like most is this incident.
An Incident 7

My cha-bo-lang birthday in 2007, lim peh did not buy any present for her and in order not to feel guilty, lim peh wrote a post for her ^^"
Cha Bo Lang's Birthday

Was reading a blog and really like a post written by Cheeky, so lim peh copied his idea and came out with this article. Me like because lim peh can post some very chio photo of girl girl.
A Day Of My Life

Last but not least, after writing a post on my late father, I wrote another one on my late grandmother and for the first time, my face in the photo was not blanco-ed.
外婆

So these are my top 10 favourite 心水 posts but of course, lim peh love all my posts written in this blog.

Still not enough after reading all the 10 posts? Go and click on my archives for more reading.

lim peh kong wan liao
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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Lau Hero Once More

lim peh ka li kong

My friend Lau Hero has not been updating his blog for a long while, share some of his life:

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Lau Hero: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"

Wife: "When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."

Lau Hero: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"

Wife: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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Many many years ago...

Wife: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."

Lau Hero: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Wife: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."

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Lau Hero: "Doctor, I feel pain all over me."

Doctor: "All over you? Show me precisely when the pain is."

Lau Hero using his finger to show: "When I touch my forehead, I feel pain. When I touch my cheek, I also feel pain. When I touch my chest, I also feel pain. When I touch my leg, also pain. When I touch my stomach, also pain. What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

Doctor: "I will give you some pain-killer and meanwhile I will want you to take some X-tray."

Lau Hero: "Huh!!! Doctor, what's wrong with me, am I gonna die?"

Doctor: "Relax la, you only have a broken finger."

=====

lim peh kong wan liao
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Thursday, June 12, 2008

Funny Funny Funny

lim peh ka li kong

Saw these few pics and like to share with you:


Having a dog sitting behind is nothing so amusing, it's the helmet that makes me smile. (Both having the same design somemore)


What can I say?!?!?!?


Ha Ha Ha


Si mi lan?


Coincidental wordings or...


Learn to fly here? No thank you.


Think lim peh will be confused if I were to drive here


Oh my!! Is that a dog?!?!
lim peh kong wan liao
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Monday, June 09, 2008

欠扁问答题(七)

不久前刚收到一些欠扁问答题:

一只公鸡加一只母鸡 (猜三个字)





















两只鸡

另外一只公鸡加另外一只母鸡 (猜五个字)


















还是两只鸡

光头仔梳头发 (猜国家)


















苏格兰 (梳个懒)

小明对小强说:“我可以坐在你永远都坐不到的地方。”


















小强的身上

美丽的公主结婚后就不再挂蚊帐了,为什么?


















她嫁给了青蛙王子

看三级片和看烹饪节目有什么相同的地方呢?


















都是有得睇无的食 (有得看没得吃)
欠扁吗?
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Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Cha Bo Lang´s Answer

lim peh ka li kong

I also remembered the following conversation:

Old Beng asked cha-bo-lang: "What do you like most in me, my handsome face or my muscular body?"

Cha-bo-lang looked at lim peh from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour!"

lim peh kong wan liao
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