Superstar

lim peh ka li kong

Those of you who know Old Beng will know that he "has" 12 children, the eldest one 小马哥 already 17 years old liao and the youngest one only 3 years old.

One night during dinner, one of Old Beng´s sons, 小明仔 a 13-year-old Secondary 1 student suddenly announced that he would like to participate in the Campus Superstar 校园 Superstar next year.

"Kor, you want to be like Shawn Tok ah?" one of his sister 小白兔 asked.

In case you did not watch the TV telecast on the 校园 Superstar last Saturday, Shawn Tok, a 13-year-old Secondary one boy, was the overall Champion of the Singing competition.

"Yes, I think I can sing as well as Shawn" 小明仔 replied his sister with a smile.

Their eldest brother 小马哥 saw that Old Beng´s face was rather black when he heard what 小明仔 said about his intention to join the 校园 Superstar, said, "小明仔, you are too young to make such decision, you need to seek the approval from Pa first."

小明仔 turned and look at Old Beng and asked, "Pa, I am thinking of joining the 校园 Superstar next year, what do you think?"

To be honest, although me do not really like the idea of the way they throne the 歌王 or 歌后, that is by voting through phone calls and sms-ing, but this is only a kind of Marketing programme, a very successful one, I must say.

I am alright with Singapore Idol, Superstar, Superband, Live The Dream etc BUT lim peh is totally against 校园 Superstar.

Lim peh´s old fashioned mind always believes that a student´s role is to study and not thinking and wanting to be a star 发明星梦 or 歌星梦.

Watching the students singing and dancing and dressing up like a star is something lim peh cannot bear. Students are sometimes too young to understand their roles but what puzzled me is that their parents supported them into taking part of the contest.

How about the Teachers and Principals of the students? So supportive, so proud of their students who got into the final? Lim peh see already also buay tahan.

This is just not right!

Then best of all, the news of the contestants, who and who are an item la, who has a steady girlfriend/boyfriend la etc. Students are supposed to concentrate in their studies la and not these nonsense relationship.

Call me old fashioned 老 uncle 老古董, I am 100% against 校园 Superstar.

Therfore, Old Beng´s little 小明仔 will be concentrating in his studies and will not be taking part in the 校园 Superstar.

Those of you who want to support him by voting for him, I will be more than happy if you can just donate the cash to lim peh.

Hmmm, maybe lim peh should go for the Live The Dream and my beloved readers can help me to fulfill lim peh´s 明星梦 by voting me all the way to Championship. Lim peh no longer a student la.

lim peh kong wan liao

Old Couples

lim peh ka li kong

Heard of these 2 jokes on Old Couples. Just jokes only la, don´t get too offensive.

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Old Time Sake

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago, that wasn't an ELECTRIC FENCE!!"

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The Bell

Due to old age, Charlie and his wife have copulation once a week and to the rhythm of the bell of the Big Clock beside their house.

Every Saturday night at ten pm sharp, they will copulate according to the ringing of the bell, Ding... Dong... Ding... Dong... Ding... Dong... in out in out in out in a slow motion together with the soundings of the bell.

One night, while they were in the midst of the slow Ding Dong-ing, a Fire-engine sped past with the siren shrieking loudly and in tremendous speed of DingDongDingDongDingDongDingDong..... and poor Charlie almost broke his back trying to catch up with the fast Ding Dong...

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lim peh kong wan liao

My Interesting Friend Ipromise....

lim peh ka li kong

Me got to know an interesting person by the nick of Ipromisethiswonthurt via YMB. He is a very interesting man, witty and his sense of humour really no horse run.

As a matter of fact, he was featured in some of my previous posts:

Click here, here and here if you are interested to read more about him.

Me received an email from him recently and he wrote this:

You are also one if you use straws.

lim peh kong wan liao

动物笑话（三）

令伯卡你讲

网络上还有一些漏掉的动物笑话，与大家分享：

(1) 白牛黑牛
草原上有两只牛在吃草。白牛问：“你的草是什么口味啊？”

黑牛答道：“草莓味。”

白牛赶紧走过去，吃了说：“哪有草莓味？”

黑牛大声的答：“笨蛋，我是说-草-没-味！”

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(2) 蚂蚁与大象
蚂蚁来到游泳池见到大象在游泳，道：“美女，你上来！”

大象爬了上来，一脸疑惑的看着蚂蚁。

蚂蚁看了看说道：“你下去吧！”

大象很恼火，道：“你想干什么？”

蚂蚁说：“没啥，我的游泳裤丢了，看看是不是你穿了？”

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(3) 蚂蚁与大象续集
然后蚂蚁与大象结婚了。

蚂蚁和大象睡了一夜，第二天大象死了。

蚂蚁一边挖坑一边唠叨：“就他妈风流一夜就得给你挖一辈子坑。”

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(4) 袋鼠和青蛙
袋鼠和青蛙去嫖鸡，袋鼠三下两下完事，只听见隔壁的青蛙整夜一二三嘿！一二三嘿！

袋鼠好羡慕。

次日，袋鼠说：“蛙兄，你好棒哟，整夜不停。”

青蛙说：“靠！老子一夜都没跳上床！”

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令伯讲完了

Management Lesson

lim peh ka li kong

Everyday me receive some emails from my many friends.

Most of the emails are funny stuff but once in a while something meaningful came along. I like the following one which I received not too long ago, share with you:

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MANAGEMENT LESSON

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"

The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not? "

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass ."

Management Lesson : "Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."

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lim peh kong wan liao

Cartoons 4

lim peh ka li kong

Bungee Jump??? Think again!!!

lim peh kong wan liao

狮城怪谈（十九）

（旧著）

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迷离夜（二）

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男甲讲完他的遇鬼记后，停顿了下来。

男乙、男丙和女子都静静地坐着，一句话也没说。

“好了，现在到我告诉你们我所遇见过的事。” 男乙说道。。。

x x x x x

我是一名德士司机。

有一回，我在夜晚开着车，在路上兜来兜去，希望能看到有人在路旁等车。

兜着兜着，我在小坡那儿终于载到了一位女顾客。

那女人有着一头长发，大部份的头发都从头额上散了下来，遮住了她那苍白的瓜子脸。

她一上车，我马上嗅到了一股很奇特的香水味。

她叫我载她到乌节路的XX大酒店。

在行程中，我偷偷从倒后镜看她。绝大部份的脸由于被头发遮住，因此根本看不清楚。

一路上她都静静不出声，而那香味也越来越浓。

到达目的地后，她叫我等她一会儿，她进去和朋友见面。

在车内等了一会儿，她终于走了出来。

上了车之后，她告诉我她见不到她的朋友。大概是她听错了酒店的名字，并要求我载她到另一间大酒店。

由于当晚冷冷清清，根本没有别的乘客，我便继续载着她到另一间酒店。

一路上，她还是不吭一声，只望着车外的街景。

到达另一间酒店后，她照样进去找朋友。只一会儿，她便又再出来。

同样的，她告诉我找不到她的朋友，并且给了我另一间大酒店的名称，叫我载她到那儿，她的朋友也许就在那儿。

如此这般地兜了几间大酒店，她的朋友始终没出现。

看了看计钱表，已是二十多块钱，我告诉她我就快要收工，希望她打定主意要上哪儿？

当时我心里想，把她载到目的地后便叫她付钱，毕竟我已为她兜了几乎整夜。

她低头想了一会儿，然后叫我载她回芽笼住家。

没办法，顾客至上，我只得载她回芽笼。

她指引我载她到一座组屋的停车场里，她打开手提袋问我车资多少钱？

我告诉她一个数目，只见她把袋里的钱数了一遍，然后不好意思的对我说她的钱不够。

开什么玩笑！我陪了她兜了整个晚上，这儿去那儿去，她竟然说钱不够。

或许是我脸色不大好看，她马上说道她就住在这座组屋的三楼，她可以马上上楼去拿钱还给我。

当她指上三楼时，我把头探出车外望了上去，见她所指的那一间有着一盏红灯亮着。

除了答应让她上去拿，我又有什么办法呢？当她上楼去时，我站在车外一边抽烟一边耐心的等她下来。

我见到她开门走了进去，才相信她所说的话。

当我抽完第三根香烟时，才惊觉她已进去太久了。

事到如今我只能上楼去讨钱。

在门口敲了大约一分钟的门，一位老太太以惺松的眼睛开门疑惑的看着我。

我告诉她刚才有一位长发的女子坐我的德士没给钱便进去了，我怕她不相信我所说的话便对她形容那女子的容貌。

她在听了我的一番形容后，“哦”的一声然后叫我等一会儿，进屋里去拿钱。

在临走之前，我告诉她请她告诉那长发女子以后乘搭德士要带多一点钱，才不会带给别人麻烦。

本来说完之后我已打算下楼去，但却因为她说的一句话而停止脚步。

她说：“唉！我也没办法，我又见不到她，而且每隔两三夜便会有德士司机上来讨钱，我也无法阻止她。”

我大感不惑，追问下去。

那老太太摇了摇头，然后打开大门叫我进去看就会明白。

一踏进屋里，我见到一个大橱上放着一张黑白遗照，在照片的两旁放置着两只白蜡烛。

那照片中正是那长发女子！

一时间，只觉得天旋地转，几乎站立不住。

那老太太的声音在我耳边传来：“她总是不安息，总会在夜晚在外头乘搭德士，我也已经习惯了。。。”

那老太太的话并没说完，我却早已奔下楼下。

至今我每回开夜车都有一点提心吊胆。

x x x x x

男乙说完后，众人都沉默了一阵子。

四人当中唯一的女子也在此时说出她所遇到过的怪事。。。

迷离夜（二）完

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（故事十九完）

Just Some Laughs

lim peh ka li kong

I am sure someday we may also go through that phase so enjoy now and have some laughs.

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Hard of Hearing
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,"Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

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Body Ache and Loss of Motor skills
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really !? Like a newborn baby !?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants".

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Forgetful
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly".

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said,"What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

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Husband & Wife being forgetful
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down ?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake !"

Then he toddles to the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"

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Heart Problem
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical check-up. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"

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lim peh kong wan liao

* Not the creation of Old Beng, just an email me received *

Last Day Of Work

lim peh ka li kong

Kena this type of workers, the Management sure @#$%&@.

The worker disclosing the Safe's combination numbers.

Poor drivers kena such incident

Sven Dorfman must be the one who fired this chap

Power sia

Had encountered similar situation too (same kind of attitude from ex-worker) but heng ah, everything was resolved liao.

lim peh kong wan liao